You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives

by Deborah Tannen

Book Overview

NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER Conversations between sisters reveal a deep and constant tug between two dynamics--an impulse toward closeness and an impulse toward competition. It takes just a word from your sister to start you laughing, or to summon up a past you both share. But it also takes just a word to send you into an emotional tailspin. For many women, a sister is both a devoted friend and a fierce rival. Wise and witty, You Were Always Mom's Favorite...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0345496973
• ISBN13: 9780345496973
• Release Date: September 2010
• Publisher: Ballantine Books
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.6" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Really interesting!

I only have a brother myself, but I am the mother of two little girls and so I was really intrigued to learn more about the dynamics of this kind of relationship. I have enjoyed Dr. Tannen's books in the past and this one was definitely up to standards. I learned a lot of new insights that I never would have thought of on my own, and the tone was varied and casual enough that it never came across as lecturing or doomsaying. A very good, quick, informative read.

Solace and Sustenance for Sisters' Special Relationships

I am an avid reader,yet this book has engrossed me like no other. It has transported me back to my childhood, released memories long repressed, and given voice to fears of the future that have remained unspoken. Deborah Tannen becomes like a sister surrogate as she gently guides you through the labyrinth of layers that engulf the sister relationship within the family: the alignments that are forged with or against parents that make or break the sister bond, the importance of the birth order, the inevitable competition between sisters, such as "the pretty vs the smart one" and the pitfalls of each assigned role, and much, much more.. Ms Tannen's beautiful prose makes the reading of this well researched, relevant and highly therapeutic book a true pleasure. I have read all of her previous work, and this is her best publication so far. I could not stop reading it.

Different voices, different communication...and understanding

Having a sister almost twelve years older, who lives across the US from me, I looked forward to reading this book. Thought that I would also be able to put my wonderful friends and other special women, who are 'like sisters' to me, in that same role. What I did glean from the book and appreciate is that there is no one like a biological or adoptive sister, someone who shares your past in some way, somehow always a connection to draw upon, no matter how close or not. I also thought of my friends and other special women...who had sisters, not as many as I would have presumed. As Deborah Tannen interviews one could relate here and there, yes, that was us. When Tannen speaks of communication and the ups and downs, pros and cons, validations and hurts etc., she makes no judgements but presents how one or the other might have been feeling at the time. At the conclusion of the book, I believed I will now be a better sister, mother, mother in law, friend, sister in law, aunt etc. Since my sister and I no longer have our parents we have each other and our history. This book does not attempt to solve relationship problems, it just presents different women along the course of their lives. I will share this book with many.

Lord help the sister

You may recognize that little snippet of song from "Sisters" that was performed in a few older movies and on "Mad About You" by Helen Hunt and her "sister" for their parents. And if you have a sister or are a sister, you probably understand that song very well. M's Tannen writes another great book You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in ConversationYou're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation and Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work about communication, this time between sisters. I never realized the importance of communication between sisters until, unfortunately, I lost two of my sisters. I didn't have this book at the time, but I wish I did. M's Tannen points out some metamessages that I didn't hear or act upon. M' Tannen uses the examples of her relationship with her two older siblings as well as lots of interviews with sisters of various ages, social status and ethnicity. It's funny and revealing to read and exchange between sisters who are nothing like my sisters saying the same sort of things my sisters have said. M's Tannen not only explores the good side of having a sister but also the bad side. If you have sisters, you know it's not all sunshine and unicorns dancing. Sometimes there's estrangement - she swipes your shoes, your dress - and your boyfriend. And of course you are always competing for your parents love, even well into adulthood. There are certain expectations on sisters based on the family dynamics that you can never escape without conscious effort. I really enjoyed this book and it brought some insight into my life. I intend to use the knowledge I gained to tweak my relationships with my sisters and my brother. If you have a sister and you're trying to figure out what makes her tick, or if you are a sister and wonder how can she possibly punch those buttons so quickly, this is the book for you.

Another Insightful Book from Deborah Tannen

I loved Tannen's book about mothers and daughters in conversation, so I had to read her latest, about sisters. If you have a sister or daughters I think you will find this book enjoyable and useful. It's interesting that sisters' conversational themes are so universal that Tannen can analyze them. Most helpfully, Tannen addresses why sisters compete. She gives parents tips about how to minimize sisters' rivalry and adult sisters advice about how not to get riled up about old childhood baggage.