You Don't Have to Take It Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship Into a Compassionate, Loving One

by Steven Stosny

As many as one-third of all American women tiptoe through life as if they are walking on eggshells -- at home, they spend most of their time trying to avoid criticism, anger, put-downs, or cold... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0743284690
• ISBN13: 9780743284691
• Release Date: December 2005
• Publisher: Free Press
• Length: 364 Pages
• Weight: 1.26 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.3" x 6.3" x 9.3"

Customer Reviews

It works!!!

I bought this book shortly after my wife had had enough of my angry, resentful and emotionally abusive behavior. I had recognized my problem behavior and been to counseling for years but it did not work. I was even taking medication in order to change my behavior and save my marriage - again, it did not help. When I bought the book, my marriage was over but I was still looking to improve myself for my children. I had to do something or my children would grow up hating me. I read the book and it was like a light went on. I understood where the anger came from, why it was so hard to control and why the endless counseling sessions never helped. I had a sense of hope I had never had before. I started the HEALS exercises right away and within a week I could feel a difference. I attended one of Dr. Stosny's Boot Camps - it was amazing. The insight into relationships that I learned was incredible. After two weeks of doing the HEALS I felt amazing. I felt a sense of calmness and a sense of control (over myself) that I had never felt before. I was actually happy, deep down inside. It has been a difficult road but my wife and I are back together and doing well. I still have my moments of anger but they are very few and far between. Practicing HEALS on occasion helps. I cannot say enough positive things about this book. This book and Dr. Stosny have changed my life and I thank God for bringing both of them into my life. If you are an abuser or feel you are being abused (i.e., walking on eggshells) PLEASE buy this book and get the help you deserve. If you're not sure, click on the "Search Inside" and look at the Excerpt Section. Take the "Walking on Eggshells Quiz" and see how many times you'd check the "Most of the time". My wife would have said it was ALL of the time. I just finished reading the book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words" and found it to be very helpful as well. Also, for those reviewers who feel this book is biased against men, you need to understand that 99% of the abuse that occurs is perpetrated by men. The book is great at explaining the reasons why men are more prone to being angry and resentful and how that leads to abuse. I believe that the book talks about abuse by women and that the HEALS exercises work for that as well. Thank you Dr. Stosny for helping me get my life back and becoming the husband and father I've always wanted to be but couldn't.

The best book ever written on emotional abuse

I have read many books on emotional abuse and this book, by far, is the best. Dr. Stosny must have been a fly on our wall over the last 25 years to be able to reiterate "verbatim" some of the conversations and events that have happened in our home. As a woman, I highly recommend this book for other women who either know they're being emotionally abused, or have that gnawing feeling deep down inside that tells them something just isn't right about their relationship. Dr. Stosny provides you with insight into your situation, and a Boot Camp section for your husband/boyfriend to go through. He also provides advice on what to do if either party is unwilling to go through the process. Make no mistake - this is NOT a quick fix. The abuser must come to terms with the fact that the recovery process may take years to complete. But things can still get much better than they are now very quickly. Ultimately, this book provided me with much needed peace of mind by showing me that I wasn't crazy to think that life HAD to better than this, and that I didn't have to live this way. If you are in this situation, or know someone who is and if you love them, PLEASE buy this book. It will be the greatest thing you could ever give them.

Life Changing Program

Steven Stosny's book and Boot Camp program are a life changing event. I am a stubborn Marine with 45+ years of doing things one way, without compassion. It clearly wasn't working and I knew it. I have been working on changing for more than 20 years. While working through this program I experienced an epiphany that has opened a floodgate of positive change in my life. As a result of Steven Stosny, this book and his programs, my life will never be the same. If you are a man, and you have the guts to admit that what you are doing isn't working this book and actively pursuing the program outlined in it will change you for the better.

Learning to Value yourself is the beginning...........

If all this book taught were the concept of and ability to value yourself, it would be a wonder for just that. But that's just the beginning. A friend of mine said that through 3 years of therapy he only learned all the causes for his anger, but the method Steven Stosny explains in this book taught him how to stop being angry. It's not just a feel-good book, it can help you make real, positive, permanent changes in your life and in your marriage. Dr. Stosny's not only has deep insight into attachment relationsships; he makes it easy to understand and act on.

Hope for the hopeless!

Dr. Stosny has the ability to make complex concepts understandable. Better yet, he has the ability to show others how to apply the principles he teaches! This book is a warm, hope-filled testimony to the power of compassion, and a catalyst for changing lives. I like the fact that it doesn't take two to begin the healing process in a relationship -- you can begin today, with or without your spouse or significant other. No more waiting for him or her to change, no more feelings of being held hostage emotionally, no more hopelessness. This is a book worth reading whether you need it for yourself, or want to recommend it to others. Diane Nicholson, MA Springhill Center for Family Development