Why Men Hate Going to Church

by David Murrow

Book Overview

It's Sunday morning. Where are all the men? Golfing? Playing softball? Watching the tube? Mowing the lawn? Sleeping? One place you won't find them is in church. Less than 40 percent of adults in most churches are men, and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands. And why are the men who do go to church so bored? Why won't they let God change their hearts? David Murrow's groundbreaking new book reveals why men are...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0785260382
• ISBN13: 9780785260387
• Release Date: November 2010
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.67 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.4" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Expertly Explains the Mystery and Offers Solutions

Through the years I've noticed that men in general are turned off by the notion of going to church. On an almost subconcious level I've oftened wondered WHY. I remember, for example, a few years ago when the subject of a men's fellowship/study came up at work and the burly, masculine building maintenance supervisor seemed interested until he found out that the meeting would be held at a church facility. He immediately declined. The case was closed. This single example potently shows that men are generally turned off by the concept of "going to church." David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church" expertly details WHY this is so. He explains how, through the years, Christendom has slowly and subtly been emasculated. So emasculated, in fact, that the average male percieves Jesus Christ as a milksop. I remember, for example, the popular concert shirt of a metal band a few years ago, it had an effeminate picture of Jesus accompanied by the slogan "Jesus is a #@%*." I can't write the word but it was essentially saying that "Jesus is a wimp." If one merely picks up a bible and actually reads it he or she will plainly see that this is a colossal misconception; in fact, it's a perverse LIE! During his earthly life and ministry Jesus certainly bore "fruit of the spirit" like love, joy, peace, kindness, meekness (not weakness), etc., but we cannot deny from the Holy Scriptures that these noble characteristics were BALANCED out by the clear evidence that Jesus was incredibly bold, forthright, brilliant in argumentation, corrective, challenging, authoritative, fearless and even [gasp!] fearsome! (see, for example, Luke 20:26; Matthew 7:28-29; John 2:13-16 and Mark 4:37-41). The reason the average male views Jesus as a pansy is largely the result of the emasculation of Christianity. We've been duped! And, unfortunately, as long as this myth is perpetuated men will not be intrigued by authentic Christianity or follow Jesus Christ. Why? Simply because men will NOT follow a man they disrespect as a wimp! The truth, of course, is that Jesus Christ was not a wimp. He was only a lamb in the sense that he layed his life down as a sacrifice for the redemption of humanity. He certainly wasn't a lamb in the sense that he was a mindless follower (as actual sheep are). He was only a follower of his Heavenly Father; in this sense he was the greatest follower and, because of it, he was a mighty leader of people in general, and men particularly. Remember that Jesus' disciples James and John were called the "sons of thunder." Do you think they were named this because they were pantywaists or because they followed a sissy? Hardly. Yet Murrow doesn't only explain how Christendom has been emasculated, he offers practical solutions to counteract the lie and restore the spirit of masculinity. I don't, of course, buy everything Murrow offers about the nature of men and masculinity. I think, for example, that it's insulting to suggest that men can only handle a 20 minut

"The Stallions Hang Out In Bars, The Geldings Hang Out In Church."

"The church of the first century was a magnet to males. Jesus' strong leadership, blunt honesty, and bold action mesmerized men." "But today's churches appeal more to women and folks over 50." Males in church are perceived, right or wrong, as passive, bookish, soft, nice, well-behaved, neutered wimps. David Murrow has written an absolute must-read book for all churches interested in bringing men back, restoring a proper balance of the masculine and feminine spirits within the local church, creating an environment in which men will lovingly take charge, thrive, grow and be soldiers again in the Lord's army. I don't consider myself a type-A personality. I'm pretty laid-back, studious and love going to church. I've love fellowshipping with God's people. I'm not a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal that gets distracted after 10 minutes of a sermon. I don't need the constant stimulus of entertainment to hold my interest, but I found myself burning with a `holy anger' reading this book, mostly at myself for how `feminine' I've allowed myself to become over the years. And please, no more `Jesus is my boyfriend' songs !! Two other men I know have been deeply affected to the positive by this book and are absolutely fired up about restoring the masculine spirit in their lives as well as their local church. One of them told me recently "I'm hanging up my skirt - not going to wear it anymore." David is not advocating a bombastic, abusive male domination of our churches. Don't panic ladies, but let men be men. We were created to lead and contribute. "Most men will not invest themselves in anything that does not offer a shot at greatness. Boys do not dream of sitting in a cubicle; they dream of slaying the dragon, rescuing the princess, and absconding with the treasure." The church thermostat, to attract men, must be set on Challenge, not Comfort, Ceremony, Control, Conformity or Confrontation. It's going to take courage to change the way we do church, if we want to reach unchurched men. Some won't for fear of change that will upset the status quo. Others will find that they will have to leave their churches rather than settle for living lives of quiet desperation. "Men need vision, not just relationships, to stay motivated in church." One of the most stunning but encouraging statistics was that between 1994-2004, men's church attendance was flat, but men's participation in small, spiritual groups doubled. 9 million additional men joined a small group Bible study. Some folks are finding the traditional church model is not cutting it and have opted instead for a more informal but intense, iron sharpening iron, discipleship format. Biblical references aside, wolves have a noble bearing, look intelligent, focused, and yes, even a bit 'dangerous'. Labrador retrievers, on the other hand, tend to be gentle, passive, friendly and harmless. And then you have the 'foo-foo' dogs that women dress up in pink sweaters and skirts... 'nough said. I can't recommend this

Three Cheers From the Women

As a female pastor of discipleship, I am extremely grateful for David Murrow's book. In fact, I loved the book and have encouraged my leaders- both male and female- to read it. Murrow hits on nerves that need to be hit within the church. If we are serious about expanding God's Kingdom, then we need to see men released into action and empowered to be all that God created them to be. The piece that was most helpful to me was Murrow's discussion of the pictures or metaphors that we use in our churches for describing the Christian life. One metaphor describes Christianity as an intimate relationship with a wonderful man. The other metaphor describes Christianity as a movement to save the world against impossible odds. Both are valid expressions of our faith- a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ and an aggressive expansion of God's Kingdom. Here is the problem: the first metaphor (the relationship stuff) is the one we tend to emphasize in our churches ("Jesus wants to have an intimate, passionate, love relationship with you") and it sounds like the theme of a chick flick. We have replaced "A Might Fortress is Our God" and "Onward Christian Soldiers" with love songs "draw me close to you" and "your love is extravagant." This resonates with women but not men. We need to move a little back towards the idea that Christianity is about a war raging for souls. I want to make sure that the spiritual growth strategies at my church are as magnetic and empowering to men as Jesus himself was. Reading this book helped me to better understand the lay of the land. It prompted me to proactively listen (a trait many of us women would do well to improve) to men to hear their Godly passions. Now I am better equipped to design spiritual growth experiences that encourage, train, and deploy men. I desperately want to see more men step into leadership. Not because we need body count to fill leadership positions. But because I know that men grow spiritually in leadership positions and men in leadership can change a church, a city, and a generation. In conclusion, I would like to speak to the women. Are you a single woman who is irritated that the men of your church won't "get it together?" Are you a married woman who is upset that her husband won't go to church? Are you a woman in a position of influence with men? Are you a woman? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then I strongly encourage you to read this book.

Insightful - but think before reacting

This book is outstanding in addressing items both obvious and hidden - that once read is like a light bulb going off. What is key is that this is NOT saying 'all men hate singing' or 'all men are like this' - what it IS saying is that the majority of men outside the church (either physically or emotionally) have general hurdles that are stopping them from taking their commitment to the next level. If churches & groups take hold of this book, it could do for many unchurched people what The Purpose Driven Life for many already in the church.

You'd better read this...

If your reading of Eldredge's "Wild At Heart" left you feeling a little "squishy," you'll probably find the meat you were looking for in Murrow's book. As a pastor who frequently wrings his hands wondering "where are the men?" this book was incredibly insightful as to where they have gone and why they're not in my congregation on Sunday mornings. It will change the way we do church around here, for sure. It will confirm some of your key suspicions, an--in my case-- challenge me to make changes I know have to come if we're going to see men in church again. The guy's a good writer, too.