Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

by Debbie Ford

Book Overview

Why Good People Do Bad Things exposes the pervasive and often hidden impulses that influence our everyday decisions. The headlines are full of stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news and are splashed across the weekly tabloids. In many ways, these sad stories have become a national obsession. Yet countless other acts of self-destruction and sabotage take place in our families, in our communities, in our circle of friends. Despite good intentions, "good people" do very bad things--often without understanding why. New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford guides us into the heart of the duality that unknowingly operates within each one of us: the force that compels us to live by our values, give and receive love, and be a contributing member of the community; and the force that holds us back, sabotages our efforts, and repeatedly steers us toward bad choices. Ford begins with an examination of what she calls the Beach-Ball Effect--the way in which suppressed emotions eventually rise to the surface--revealing the origins of self-destructive behavior. By describing the never-ending battle between our light and dark sides and then identifying the signposts for potential disaster, Ford helps us understand how we end up damaging the lives we've worked so hard to create. She then breaks new ground by helping us recognize the masks we wear to protect ourselves, including the People Pleaser, the Victim, the Bully, Mister Cool, and the Jokester. Understanding these masks and what they cover up allows us to go beneath the surface, wake up from denial, and become the person we always intended to be. With Why Good People Do Bad Things Ford has created her most enduring, expansive, and powerful work to date. Providing the tools to unlock the patterns of self-sabotage, Ford ultimately knocks down the façade of the false self and shows us how to heal the split between light and dark and live the authentic life within our reach.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060897376
• ISBN13: 9780060897376
• Release Date: March 2008
• Publisher: HarperOne
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 6.0" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Powerful, Confronting, Healing

***** Based upon the title and the cover, "Why Good People Do Bad Things" looks like a typical self-help book. It is not. It is a tour de force by the life coach who popularized dealing with our dark side, an idea taken even further and deeper in this latest book. The author not only explores answers to questions posed by recent headlines as to why famous and successful people do humiliating things. This is a personally confronting book, exploring why we each self-sabotage. To read this book and to apply it to your own life takes courage, but it is well worth it for the enormous growth that will result. The purpose of the book is to assist in healing the split between our wounded self (often called the Ego) and our Higher Self. Debbie writes: "There is absolutely nothing we can do to eliminate either one of them, nor would we want to. When we understand them both and allow them to operate in the manner in which they were designed, we find ourselves eternally grateful that we possess both of these forces." This is so helpful for those of us who do not understand why we shouldn't want to get rid to the Ego! We need both, and this book is a fascinating journey that explores why. The author sees unprocessed pain as a dangerous thing AND a spiritual gift. She sees self-sabotage as a catalyst that shows us to what we should pay attention. Shame has intrinsic value and is a gift. Denial is a blessing and a burden. She writes most powerfully about healing the split between our Higher Self and Ego and living in "peaceful co-existence". My favorite chapter was on "The Strength of Forgiveness" in which she adds powerful information and fresh insight to the huge body of work already written on this important topic. This book was not an easy read, because I chose to keep confronting my own issues as I read each chapter. But it was invaluable to me in being able to deal with the things that hold me back in my life and that stop me from being whole. I plan to reread it every few years as it will continue to offer me fresh insight as I change and evolve. Highest recommendation. *****

A FABULOUS BOOK!

Another FABULOUS book by Debbie Ford.. and very possibly her best and most helpful to date. If you find the recent headlines about Eliot Spitzer or Larry Craig perplexing, or simply would like to understand why you do things, both subtle and obvious, to undermine yourself and sabotage your own success, you need to look no further than the 243 pages of this remarkable book. Everything you need to know is here, including how to once and for all release yourself from the mire of self destructive, self defeating behavior. This is a true Godsend!

Exceptional Wisdom from a Gifted Light Carrier

As Debbie Ford's writing has, for me, moved from dark to lighter, I have become an ever bigger champion of her writing. Her latest book is her best yet. This book takes the reader on a walk through the dark side of our personalities so as to help us understand why good people do bad things. But, it is beautifully balanced with thoughtful advice on how to adjust our thinking so as to deal with the darkness that the author believes all of us have. There is so much to like about this book. First, it is extremely well written. Every sentence, every story, and every chapter is tightly written with power-packed thoughts. In a world where so many content rich books are poorly written, the mere quality of the writing helps the powerful message of the author to resonate so strongly. The second thing that was remarkable about the book was just how timely it is...appearing just as the tragedy of Elliot Spitzer unfolds. Who among us has not wondered "what was HE thinking?" The author will quickly have every reader understanding that each and every one of us has the seeds of self destruction within us. Now that is a scary thought that we all, in our own ways, have the potential to end up in a place like Spitzer! The third thing I liked about the book was that as raw as it is in shining a light on the reader, it is equally soothing by providing a very specific program for avoiding a Spitzer like result. So many other things that I liked about this book. But enough already. Reading a longer review by me is a waste compared to getting on with reading the book, itself. This is a truly great book. Such a beautiful mixture of cautionary alarm and prescriptive love. Almost like taking a preview journey to hell and heaven with a guide who so graciously and authentically shares her experiences on this journey we call life. Debbie Ford, I am in awe of what you have written and the potential impact that I hope this book has on making this world a much better place. Triple kudos to YOU! You are moving out from the shadows to become such a great light carrier.

A starkly confronting read...

Having been a student of personal growth and transformational work for years, I can sometimes feel pretty smug about my own mental/spiritual/emotional state of affairs. After reading this book, I'm now quite aware that I'm still far from done with my personal journey of self-awareness and self-love. That despite what I'd like to believe, I still have many limiting and damaging tendencies lurking under the surface. Turns out that the together, nice-guy, intellectual persona I've been so proud of, is nothing more than mask that I still hide behind to conceal my shame. Ouch. Debbie Ford uses the pages of her newest work to expertly cut through the illusions of good and bad, right and wrong, real and unreal. She quickly gets to the root of the most significant problem plaguing the world today - the effects of toxic shame, and the inability of people to accept and make peace with the totality of who they are - both the light and the dark. She points to the internal split that results, as the cause of an on-going conflict within each one of us. She explains the unconscious mechanisms that inexhorably draw us into a range of negative and destructive behaviors that will continue to plague us until the split is healed and the conflict resolved. Fortunately, Ms. Ford also offers useful concepts, tools and antidotes for making peace and returning to wholeness. One can choose to read this book and be fascinated intellectually by the ideas presented without taking personal action. Or one can choose to use it as a catalyst to explore their inner world, make new choices and ultimately become more authentic and whole. I recommend the latter.

a chilling exploration of why we do what we do

I bought this book because I respect Debbie Ford's work and I wanted to understand why I seem to sabotage my progress just as I am about to take a giant leap forward. Why do I push people away when I say I want more intimacy in my life? Why do I spend money on triffles when I am trying to save to buy a home? I have long felt that there are "two" sides of me that are vying for my attention. This book explains with incredible detail just how true this is. Nearly every page sent chills up my spine. "Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy" helped me to understand the hidden causes of my own self-sabotage and more importantly, gave me the spiritual antidotes needed to steer my choices in a more positive direction.