Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head?: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies

by Brett Kahr

Book Overview

In the largest study ever undertaken on sexual fantasy, world-renowned psychotherapist and researcher Brett Kahr reveals the astonishing truths behind secrecy, shame, and taboo in this groundbreaking... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0465037666
• ISBN13: 9780465037667
• Release Date: February 2008
• Publisher: Basic Books (AZ)
• Length: 493 Pages
• Weight: 1.91 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.5" x 6.5" x 9.3"

Customer Reviews

Fun and insightful

Enjoyed this read a lot. This is a great mix of psychology and just fun erotica. For every odd or uncomfortable fantasy there is a thought provoking analysis. It was very interesting and offers a lot of insight into sexual fantasies and their purpose in the human psyche.

Cracking the erotic code!

I loved this book as it normalizes the sexual fantasies we have in our head by helping to understand the nonsexual narrative it reveals about ourselves. Sexual fantasies are not separate from who were are--they are stories which are coded erotically. Cracking the code helps us reveal our innermost selves. If you struggle with sexual fantasies and thoughts and/or wish to understand what they say about you, then this is the book!

very Informative & Interesting

I'm reading this book to assist me with a research report for my Sex Therapy class in my PsyD program. This book is amazing! I can't put it down. When doing research, I usually just take what I need. Not with this book - I began at page 1 and kept going straight through. The author really did his homework before writing this book. It touches on everything from the history of psychoanalysis and fantasies to individual experiences, to analysis of individual fantasies. i never realized that there was so much unconscious information and experiences from childhood that help create sexual fantasies. It's a favorite in my personal library!

Scientifically Analyzing Sexual Secrets

I think that most people have sex lives that they are fairly happy with, and it surprises me to learn that 90% of the people out there are sexual fantasists, routinely screening some sort of interior porn film in their heads just for the sake of getting off. If you ever feel ashamed of having such fantasies, prepare to have an uplifting experience in reading _Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies_ (Basic Books) by Brett Kahr. The author is a psychotherapist working for over twenty years in a fairly classical Freudian tradition, but in 2003 he began to add to his clinical experience of fantasies by means of the British Sexual Fantasy Research Project, which eventually included American subjects as well, some twenty thousand subjects in total. Some of the research was done by exhaustive five-hour interviews and some was done on-line; the project is continuing, and the book includes the web address for participation if you'd like to help with some interesting research. And it is interesting. Many pages in this big book are devoted to verbatim reports of fantasies, which Kahr warns will cause in readers either sexual arousal or embarrassment; he could also have included shock and also laughter, for no one else has fantasies like your own, and the fantasies of those _other_ people, well, they can be downright weird. That so many people participate in this hidden activity must mean that it does something for our species, and for our sex lives, and besides commenting on the general purpose of fantasies, Kahr analyzes their purpose and meaning for individuals in many cases. His explanations are generally Freudian, of course, but explained with a minimum of jargon and with a high degree of humane concern and with good humor that makes the book delightful as well as instructive reading. The fantasies are broken into categories for chapters, devoted to subjects like group sex, infidelity, sex with celebrities, homosexual encounters, violence, humiliation, and so on. These are fantasies held by people who are not psychiatric patients or prisoners, just regular folks. Not all the fantasies can be described in a family-friendly review like this one, but here is a quick description of some of them. A woman imagines that her boss declares that today is Sex Friday, and everyone can have sex with whoever seems desirable. Another woman imagines Saddam Hussein having her "really really hard and just treated like a piece of meat". Another wants to be squeezed between the thighs of Serena Williams. Many fantasies are almost rated PG: "Seeing my wife naked" or "Being alone without the children." Others involve specific X-ratings, for they have been borrowed from porn: "About being in a porn film and being watched whilst I am made to perform sexual acts." There are plenty of distressingly violent fantasies here, but more of them are simply odd. "After nearly a quarter of a century of clinical practice," writes Kahr, "I

This title is good, but may not be exactly what you expect

This is a lengthy and informative look at both the psychology of sexual fantasies and a compilation of common fantasies by category. It is very readable, interesting and sheds light on the unconscious processes that give rise to all kinds of sexual fantasies. While I didn't count the actual pages, I would estimate that approximately 100 pages is on underlying psychology with the remainder of the book comprised of the fantasies themselves. If you have ever wondered whether what you are thinking is typical, normal or unusual... you may get a lot out of reading this. I have done psychological research in this area and I also have a graduate background in biology. In my opinion, the best concise book on this topic is The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment. I found this title complementary and ideally for a topic as complete as this you would almost certainly want to read both. Although this book... The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating is NOT directly about this area, it provides context, more information on some of the underlying evolutionary hardwiring and is also complementary to this title. If you have read Nancy Friday's books. You will find the general format of this book familiar. However, this author goes more in-depth and this is certainly a bit heavier, but equally interesting and perhaps more interesting than the many books by Nancy Friday. In fact, I would classify Nancy Friday's titles as primarily erotica with a secondary focus on underlying psychology. Given the breadth of the research by this author, I give the book as solid nod in terms of its significance. I didn't always agree with the interpretation of the data, but the interpretations were reasonable and always had some merit. In summary, this is a medium light read accessible to layperson's and professionals. It is primarily a book of sexual fantasies with a respectable amount of explanatory material. It is fascinating, well written and lacks a strong academic tone. It is readable and sometimes titillating as well as informative.