When the Labels Don't Fit: A New Approach to Raising a Challenging Child

by Barbara Probst

Book Overview

"One of the finest and most helpful books we have ever read . . . should be the first stop for any parent trying to help a struggling child." --Brock Eide and Fernette Eide, authors of The Mislabeled... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 030739543X
• ISBN13: 9780307395436
• Release Date: August 2008
• Publisher: Harmony
• Length: 273 Pages
• Weight: 0.58 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.5" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

an excellent tool for parents of challenging children

I was very excited to read Barbara Probst's book and to see the focus on our children's characteristics, rather than a slew of diagnostic conditions--the "alphabet" kids. After reading endless parenting books which set out discipline techniques which only work for a short time, this book instead helps parents look at their children as people and try to understand their specific needs and temperments. I often catch myself engaging in a dispute with my challenging son, and using Barbara's techniques I am able to take a step back and realize that he has a strong need that is interfering with what I view as a simple request. Once I change my mindset, I can often avoid a huge blowup and have him ultimately cooperative, even if it takes a few extra minutes or a little extra effort. This book can bring big changes and improvements in the lives of families with challenging children.

Finally Solutions

As a parent of a challenging child with a high IQ and a patient of Barbarba Probst, I am grateful for actual solutions, actual strategies I have learned from "When the Labels Don't Fit". For example, the backup plan. I only wish it were available years ago when my child was misdiagnosed as having PDD. With Barbara Probst help, as parents we learned it was us who needed to do most of the work to help guide our child. We focused on specific personality traits, in my son's case, perfectionism and inflexibility. With Barbara's tools and advice my son went from having a few meltdowns a day to maybe one a week.

Review of When The Labels Don't Fit

As an educator who works primarily with affective issues related to giftedness, I found that When The Labels Don't Fit offers a fresh insight along with a cache of inspiration. One of the most profound comments from Barbara Probst, the author, was "We need to focus less on what a child HAS and more on who a child IS." Viewing gifted children through this lens allows us to, first, understand a child as an individual based on his/her temperament. I appreciate the departure from rushing to view a child from a pathological viewpoint, before first trying to understand who the child is and what his/her actions are telling us about his/her essential nature. Probst's book will empower parents and educators to use what they know about children in order to better understand their nature, which in turn will help us to become parents and educators that focus first on strengths and individuality and not on labels. Terry Bradley, M.A. Gifted Education Specialist, Boulder, CO

Long needed addition

This is such a terrific compassionate guide for parents! As a parent of two sons, I am so glad I found this book. It puts some of my younger son's behavior in a totally new perspective. When the Labels Don't Fit bucks the current trend to find a label for the child and then to deal with the child's behavior from within that label's framework. As parents soon discover, a label does not really solve the problem. And here is where the author's insight is so instructive. She guides parents to find their own courage and ability to relate to their child as a whole person and not just as a child with a disorder. By working through the temperament questionnaire in the book, parents discover their child's essential nature, - and his "eleven core features." As one progresses through the book, parents' self- awareness and awareness of the child is transformed. He is no longer a "difficult child, " a labeled child, but a child that needs relating to, just like any other child. Ms. Probst provides ample and useful examples of different types of behaviors, the problems they illustrate, and the solution. She discusses common issues such as electronic addiction, dealing with stress and frustration, task-solving, meeting everyday needs, special schools, and therapy options, to name a few. She teaches parents how to let go of the "disorder" diagnosis, and, by becoming more aware of one's self and one's child's nature, experience respect and appreciation for their child. I hope lots of parents find this book and read it, it is such a great help!

Very helpful book

This book is very useful for parents and caretakers of our most challenging kids. They will grow up to be our leaders if guided correctly and appreciated for their strengths. If you are a parent of a intense and challenging child, as am I, the tone of the book and the examples will draw you right in and make you feel like you're not alone and you can make progress. The book provides very down-to-earth techniques that will help you achieve a better understanding of the nature of your child and make you appreciate him or her more. The detailed categories of the Temperamental Questionnaire are excellent! It is probably rare for a person without the knowledge and the experience of the author to be able to identify the temperamental areas in such detail. The language will certainly also allow you to clearly articulate your child's challenges to other caretakers in your child's life, as well as teachers and other specialists at school. I wish I had this book a year ago and encourage those parents or caretakers who are searching for help and have found this link to try this book. It is a great feeling to come to understand your child better, to develop a kinder attitude toward him or her and teach others to do the same.