When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right

by Susan Schechter and Ann Jones

Book Overview

Millions of women each year find themselves in relationships with controlling or abusive partners and don't know what to do, or even what's wrong. A woman may feel anxious, inadequate, intimidated -- and as if she is walking on tiptoe. And she may find herself trying harder and harder to make things right without ever being successful. Ann Jones and Susan Schechter bring together their more than fifteen years of experience working with women in abusive...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060923695
• ISBN13: 9780060923693
• Release Date: April 1993
• Publisher: Harper Perennial
• Length: 368 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Great book!!

This book helped me realize that I am not alone. I have been in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship with the same man for my entire adult life. It was hard to pin point what was going on and it doesn't seem like anyone else understands. It is very helpful to me to read books that finally explain what I have been going through. Some other books I also recommend: -10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing -Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft -The Verbally abusive relationship By Patricia Evans -Not to People Like Us By Susan Weitzman -The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner -Codependent No More by Melody Beattie -Love Honor and Negotiate By Betty Carter -Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend and Henry Cloud

Useful for friends of abused women

This review is from the point of view of someone who has a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship. I found this book extremely helpful. It provides insights into what goes on in abusive relationships and it helps to answer the big question you've been asking: why does she stay? It has a chapter specifically for friends and family of victims suggesting how to help, what to ask, and how to react if an abused woman confides in you. I wish I'd read this book *before* that happened to me! I could have avoided some mistakes.The book also includes practical (not rosy) descriptions of what abused women can expect if they file for a restraining order, stay at a shelter, bring in the police, etc. There's also advice on choosing the right person to confide in, the right counsellor, and the right advocate.If you have (or suspect you have) a physically or emotionally abused friend or relative, you owe it to yourself and to her to read this book.

This book is saving my sanity if not my life!

This book is wonderful, since it finally pointed out all of my feelings of hopelessness and confusion where I wasn't sure where it was coming from. All my excuses for staying with my abusive partner are in this book, and when I finally got too overwhelmed with the beginning of the book, I jumped ahead to the "When You Choose To Leave" because I just left him again almost a month ago. (You can easily jump around in this book and not feel like you've missed something.) I'm hoping that this book will help pull me through the tough times and give me enough courage to seek professional help for what he's done to me. So far I can't talk about it to more than a few people, because I feel ashamed, but I also feel hope, because if the women in this book could get their lives together in worse situations than mine, then so can I! Also, it gives great advice on where to find housing and financial help if you need it. I wasn't even sure what questions to ask in applying for assistance, but I just went back to the book, and it explained it out for me, and that gave me the courage to make a few more phone calls and figure the system out. What I've learned, sadly, is that although I'm not alone, I'm also in good company with beautiful human spirits.

Valuable Resource For Any Woman in an Abusive Relationship!

This book definitely saved my sanity and quite possibly saved my life. I bought it several years ago when I didn't know what was wrong with my relationship, but I knew something was - and I couldn't seem to fix it. "When Love Goes Wrong" named the problem correctly : domestic abuse. Not only that, this book helped me see that what was happening to me was NOT my fault! This book is extremely thorough, offering tips and suggestions on what to do if you find yourself in this situation, plus memoirs from other women that help you feel like you're not alone. It's an extremely easy-to-read and engaging book, and offers stories and sources of support for women from all races and economic backgrounds, plus a resource for lesbians who find themselves in abusive relationships. One thing I like is that the tone is nonjudgemental - it even offers tips if you decide to stay with your partner! The book is definitely feminist in tone. I personally find that a good thing, but if you don't, the authors DO make it clear that there are several social theories of abuse, and they explain why they choose to go with the feminist view. It definitely comes off as an honest book, and certainly could save many women's lives. Me, now that I'm two years out of my abusive relationship, I occasionally re-read it to see how far I've come!

Recommend to my clients who are in abusive relationships

As a substance abuse counselor who works with many abused women who are in relationships with emotionally and mentally abusive partners, I recommend this book to each of them and have found it to be a helpful way to validate and empower them to make healthier decisions about their life situation. For most women this book is the first opportunity to see stories that look much like their own life story and can begin the journey to safety and a new lifestyle.

Your Not Crazy!

I thought I was crazy and not trying hard enough to be a good Christian wife, even though I was running myself ragged! It was AMAZING to see someone put all my feelings on the page the way Ms Jones and Ms Schechter did. Verbal and emotional abuse are not in YOUR head... they are in HIS. This book will make it very clear to you if he is abusive or not.