Wedded Strangers: Russian-American Marriages

by Lynn Visson

Book Overview

Russian-American marriages reflect many of the same issues and problems of other inter-cultural marriages, but at the same time face some unique challenges. Since the publication of the first edition... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0781806461
• ISBN13: 9780781806466
• Release Date: January 1998
• Publisher: Hippocrene Books
• Length: 253 Pages
• Weight: 0.95 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.8" x 8.8"

Customer Reviews

So you think you want to marry a Russian?

This book is a must read for any Western man considering a relationship with a Russian woman, particularly one they've met through an on-line introduction service. I married a beautiful Russian woman in 2001 after a year of online communication and a year of living together. This book was purchased after my wedding, as my frustration grew in our differing viewpoints and value systems. Over the years, I have accepted this relationship as a divine opportunity to acquire grace. If you are egotistical, judgmental, or have pride, I would strongly caution against marriage with a Russian. They come from a warrior tradition, and are not submissive in the least. The online joke about Russian women "only desire to keep a secure home, devoted to children and family" is only true for the Russian women who stay in Russia. The Russian women that wish to immigrate to the West are looking to improve their life, and you better be prepared for that. If you enjoy running headfirst into a brick wall, backing up, and running headfirst into a brick wall again, then a Russian will be perfect for you. You will never bend the Russian will. Russians have the ability to endure untold hardships, and a strong survival instinct. Men in the west are weak by comparison. Hitler did not understand the Russian mind. He surrounded both Stalingrad and Leningrad during WWII, laying siege to each. He cut off roads, rails, and air access to the cities. The Battle of Stalingrad raged for 199 days with total casualties of over 3,000,000. That was a cake walk compared to the Siege of Leningrad, which lasted 900 days. Hitler was determined to starve out the enemy at Leningrad (St. Petersburg). In response, the Russians ate shoe leather, boiled bookbindings to extract proteins, even consumed soil with a little sugar mixed in. Citizen deaths from starvation and exposure are estimated as high as 1.5 million people. In the end, the citizens of Stalingrad and Leningrad endured horrible deprivations and death, rather than surrender to a foreign will. Do you, an American, really think you can battle 900 days to change the Russian mind? It will never happen. It's like that song by Offspring, "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?" I would recommend Wedded Strangers: The Challenges of Russian-American Marriages by Lynn Visson before anyone considers a relationship with a Russian woman, particularly one they met on the Internet.

Outstanding!

I highly reccomend this book, not just for those who are interested in the challenges that come with Russian-American marriage, but also for those people who have grown up with the US mindset and wish to learn more about the Russian mindset.Not every story in this book is a happy one. But that matches up with real life. I know two Russian-American couples -- one failed, and the other succeeded.Reading this book will help you not only understand the Russian mindset, but will also help prepare you for potiental problems down the road, if you choose to enter into this sort of relationship.How people adapt to their new lives in their new country varies from person to person, and this book shows how different people can react differently to the same thing. And yet it ties radically different actions to a similar mind-set.The book isn't perfect, and has a few minor flaws. (For instance, they claim the concept/word "???????????" (privacy) doesn't exist in the Russian language.) But despite the few errors, it is well worth the read. As a plus, it's a very easy read. Once I started on the book, I found that I was unable to stop...

Read it before you commit

I am a Russian very happily married to an American and we both read the book before we even thought about marriage. It helped us a lot in our relationship! You got to know what to expect from an inter-cultural romance before you start. I was surprised - how could the author understand me so well before even knowing me!! For you, Americans stepping into a relationship with a Russian (or Ukranian) it will be good to know some things described in the book WILL happen. Good luck to you all.

A Really Wonderful and Insightful Book

I have been living with my Russian boyfriend for 6 years in the U.S. and as our relationship began to become troubled, I began to search for an answer (from relationship problems, self help, communication problems etc.) and I found it in this book. And I honestly should have had it recently before I had the culturally shocking experience of visiting Russia first hand in late August of 2000. This book does have a couple of chapters on the Old Soviet Union dating back to the 1900's and the political problems that arose from a Russian-American Union and the past difficulties of getting your loved one out of Russia but if you are patient and really want an in depth understanding of your partner this shouldn't be a problem. The book is deeply ingrained into Russia's Past (but from what I have seen the pride of Russian History is ingrained in Russians, whether or not they loved or hated their country). The book also states that many russians wore drab colored clothing. From what I have seen, yes Men still do and seem to prefer the more dark, neutral colors but that seems to be because Russia (apart from Big Cities like Moscow) is rather dirty. But the young women dress in all colors and in some shocking combinations. So yes, that part is somewhat out of date and there may be other things as well but I think that the main interest of this book is of the cultural differences between American women and Russian men, as well as Russian women and American men. Because in everyday life things can get misconstrued as an incompatibility issue or a communication problem but in fact is something that may be derived from a cultural difference. For example, the tone of voice a russian will speak to you in, may seem as if its demeaning or belittling you, or the beginnings of an arguement. The fact that some russians shower once a week and don't change their clothes everyday, wearing them day after day. The fact that sex seems to be a non topic. The close Russian ties with family. Their need for Russian friends. The fact that my russian is late to work everyday and so forth and so forth. Its those little things that happen in your lives day in and day out, that can pose a problem if you're not certain why its happening. It can even feel like an impasse. Despite some of the outdated material, Lynn Visson has many insights into the russian and american cultures that will make you understand or say that's my Sergei. Which I am so grateful to her for. It helped me to understand things I would have never conceived to be our cultural differences. Now, we can work past them and go on to a Happy Marriage, which before this book probably would not have happened.But I must say one thing, the book did give me somewhat of an impression that with all these differences how in the world could a russian-american union work. I had this overwhelming sense of doom but you have to apply the book to your own personal situation and the areas that are causing you both m

Highly Relevent to Understanding

This is a book I should have read four months ago, before my now ex-wife arrived in the U.S. on her fiancee visa. My best friend for the last few years has been a Russian woman I work with, but even that close friendship did not prepare me for the many surprises that followed my fiancee's arrival here. This book would have prepared me for 80% of the disconcerting differences I became aware of, and the understanding that the differences were cultural might possibly have made all the difference in the outcome of our relationship. Though the book is interesting and was enjoyable, it is not a book to read for fun - that is not its intention. It is a book written to educate people on what lies in store for you if you enter a Russian-American marriage, and I can attest to its accuracy and relevence. If you are an American and you think you love a Russian, or vice versa, I cannot recommend this book to you highly enough. If your partner does not read English well, I hope the book is available in Russian!