We Adopted a Dusty Miller: One Family's Journey with an Attachment Disorder Child

by Phyllis Bosley

After a woman and her family decide to adopt a young child, they quickly realize that their adoptive seven-year-old daughter displays behaviors that traditional parenting strategies seem ill-equipped to handle. When a child is affected with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) or suffers from the effects of fetal alcohol syndrome/effect (FAS/E), parents may face a daunting and sometimes heartbreaking challenge. And when parents and families furthermore...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 059513257X
• ISBN13: 9780595132577
• Release Date: October 2000
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Length: 108 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Heartbreaking

We adopted 2 girls from Russia 11.5 years ago. They just turned 16 and 17, and we've had numerous horrible adolescent problems with them, which I truly believe stem from Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (in the younger) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (in the older). But to read this poor woman's story just broke my heart. It doesn't matter how noble and pure your intentions, or how many different things you try and ways you intervene, some things are simply beyond our control. To be honest, her story was even worse than ours, so it gave me strength that someone out there TRULY understands what I'm going through. I have nothing but respect for these fine people.

You Can't Change a Miller Into a Butterfly

Mrs. Bosley presents this small,but remarkable book tohelp others.Mainly parents who may not be aware of certaindifficulties encountered when adopting an older child,orone who was hard to place in a family. Rather,than scare adoptive parents,I think this willenlighten them.They will be quicker to ask for help with achild with an Attachment Disorder,and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Mrs. Bosley regrets some of the old-fashioned adviceregarding her daughter.She wishes she listened to a Mothersinstinct and held her during tantrums,although she wastold to let the chid work it out. Education was stressed,and the importance of a diploma.But a child who never develops social skills is at a totalloss in our society,where first you must communicate andunderstand other people. Anna was probably given more than her adoptive mother realizes. I thought it was miraculous Mrs. Bosley's marriage heldtogether,and her older sons remained unscarred by the upheavel of bring Anna into their midst. Futher,I commend the telling of this story,so anotherfamily will not feel they have failed.She continues to bean advocate and facilitator of a support group for otherparents whose chidren have this double diagnosis. I hope she lets us know how Anna continues in her Adultlife,if there is progress with age and training.

Admire These Parents' Tenacity RE: Older Adopted Kid

See those maudlin TV movies where someone adopts a rejected, older kid and flowers bloom at the end? Any parent in the real world, battling the real issues, knows what a lightweight farce those kind of scripts are. You're literally in the trenches, under siege. Older adopted kids can be a godsend, as any adopted child can be -- but if they come from troubled, dysfunctional homes, with bad genetics, you are on a collision course to heartache. I bought this book to affirm my own journey with a disturbed teenage girl, who has lived with us for three years, and now is transitioning to a new home. If the disturbed child is a good actor or actress, other adults like sympathetic counselors and teachers will be completely bamboozled. They will assume you're the problem. Charges of false abuse can happen, too. You may feel isolated and alone, especially if you don't have access to superior attachment therapists who see beyond the manipulations of such disturbed children. If you're seen the movie, "Primal Fear," and Edward Norton's performance as the meek, accused murderer, who finally unveils his true calculating self at the end -- that's a disturbed child in a nutshell. What prospective adoptive parents need to realize, is that emotional and psychological damage within the first three years of life, to a developing, vulnerable baby, can ruin their soul. Neglectful, abusive parenst can do so much damage. Know what you're getting into. Be optimistic, trust God, but buy this first-hand account of what can happen, when the child refuses to attach to a parent. I admire the parents of this story a lot. They kept trying, no matter how hellish it got. Their stories echoed what happened to my family when we tried to help a disturbed child. It is an incredible commitment. Even with all your love, your Herculean efforts to help, to heal, to emotionally connect, unless the adoptive child wants it, it will not happen. I do not mean to be so pessimistic. This book hit a nerve because it sounded a lot like our experiences. Good luck if you're adopting, read a cautionary tale or two, like this one, in addition to the sunny portrayals of life headed toward the sunset. Abide by the cliche, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best."