Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

by Sherrie Eldridge

Book Overview

"Birthdays may be difficult for me." "I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family." "When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me." "I am afraid you will abandon me." The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns,...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 044050838X
• ISBN13: 9780440508380
• Release Date: October 1999
• Publisher: Delta
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.3" x 8.1"

Customer Reviews

This book has done WONDERS for parents I've counseled

I am a clinical mental health therapist. I've worked with teens and adults, and have encountered quite a few "adoption issues" in counseling. For example, Reactive Attachment Disorder or adult adoptive parents who puzzle why their adult adopted children are hurt and angry. This book, which I have loaned to several parents, seems to have done wonders for their own understandings. Mothers have returned the book to me, telling me in gushing emotions how powerful and insightful the book has been to them. Particularly helpful are the chapters about the child's anger being misdirected against the adoptive parent. This is a heartbreaking experience that baffles a lot of parents, but the chapter in this book that explains the phenomenon is very well written. I appreciate the first-person tone of the writing, which also incorporates research, clinical findings, and the accounts of many other adoptive parents and adopted children. I've purchased additional copies and have made this book a staple in my library because of its smart sensitivity, spot-on research accuracy, and reading ease (it is not a clinical textbook; it's written for all of us).

Yesterday to Today: A book I hated 5 years ago is suddenly really good..

Adopted children have a range of specific needs as a result of their backgrounds. These are described by Sherrie Eldridge in her book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew". As an adoptee and an adoptive mom, it had been for many years my opinion that people wrote adoption books with the main objective of making money or becoming an 'expert'. I have seen a few really good ones over the years, and quite a few bad ones. When the following book crept across my review-table years ago, I barely gave it a glance, mentally classifying it as more rubbish about how adopted kids are particularly messed up. Oh, how time can change our thinking! Some of my kids are older now and we have walked through their developmental changes, their yearnings, their wonderings. That search-for-self can be so very painful, but does it always have to be? And must every child agonize through it alone? I was wrong about this book. I have recognized that it is a useful guide to parents, and I want to give it my highest recommendation today. Each month I will review one or two books that are think are the Good Ones. They will not all be newly published. Some, like this one, will be re-visited and given the proper review that I now know they deserve. In fact, in the review department, I have more books than I can possibly read. If you are a good writer and are experienced with reviewing, please contact me and I'll be glad to have publishers send samples! Excerpt from Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew By Sherrie Eldridge (Dell Publishing) The special needs of adopted children as expressed in the child's words: Educational Needs : * I need to be taught that adoption is both wonderful and painful, presenting lifelong challenges for everyone involved. * I need to know my adoption story first, then my birth story and birth family. * I need to be taught healthy ways for getting my special needs met. * I need to be prepared for hurtful things others may say about adoption and about me as and adopted person. Emotional Needs: I need help in recognizing my adoption loss and grieving it I need to be assured that my birth parents' decision not to parent me had nothing to do with anything defective in me. I need help in learning to deal with my fears of rejection-to learn that absence doesn't mean abandonment, or a closed door that I have dome something wrong. I need permission to express all my adoption feelings and fantasies. Validation Needs : * I need validation of my dual heritage (biological and adoptive). * I need to be assured often that I am welcome and worthy. * I need to be reminded often by my adoptive parents that they delight in my biological differences and appreciate my birth family's unique contribution to our family through me. Relational Needs: * I need friendships with other adopted persons. * I need to be taught tha

If Touched by Adoption---Read This Book!

This book has started our family on a journey of recognizing "adoption loss" and learning to deal with it in a positive manner. Was the information Sherrie Eldridge presented in "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" what I WANTED to hear? NO! Was it what I NEEDED to hear? YES!!!!!!!As the mother of an adopted teen, I did not want to read of the many problems that adoptees face. I wanted to be told, as many other books do, that you should treat the child as your biological child and "all will be OK." But "all was not OK" and in a search for answers, I was fortunate enough to have this book recommended to me. I am thankful that Sherrie "told it as it is." No, it was not easy reading--in fact, I found much of it quite depressing. BUT it opened my eyes to the loss that my child was feeling and why that "loss" was making her feel and act the way she does. Even though I will never be able to feel exactly as she feels, this book certainly gave me a "start in that direction."ANYONE who is touched by adoption should read this book and continue with the newest book "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make"---a very positive book that gives choices that point the adoptee to newfound joy and peace.

Helpful to Adoptive Parents and Adoptees Alike!

I'm an adolescent adoptee, and although this book is written for adoptive parents, I found it extremely useful. Sherrie Eldridge touches on topics never even considered in other books that I have read about adoption. In her twenty statements from adopted children to their adoptive parents, she gives a voice to adoptees everywhere. She explains issues to parents that are sensitive to adopted children, while sharing personal stories and anecdotes that adoptees can truly identify with. Well-researched, well-written, and well-formatted, Sherrie Eldridge's book gives a personal look at the complex emotions that every member of an adoptive family has to deal with. I can personally identify with the chapters entitled "Birthdays May Be Difficlt for Me" and "Even If I Decide to Search for My Birth Family, I Will Always Want You to Be My Parents." I thought I was the only one who got depressed on my birthday! And I've been worried that bringing up the topic of searching to my parents would make them think I view them as inferior to my birth parents. I'm so lucky to have found this book at a time in my life when I truly felt alone in my experiences.

Should Be Required Reading For Adoptive Parents

I highly recommend Sherrie Eldridge's well-researched book. If only we had had access to this kind of information when my husband and I adopted our son and daughter over thirty years ago! Like adoptive parents today, we wanted to provide a wonderful life for our children. However, in those days, society didn't understand the unique needs of adopted youngsters. Unfortunately, our family suffered dire consequences beause of our ignorance. Fortunately, readers of Eldridge's excellent book will be well prepared to meet their children's needs. Eldridge helps her readers understand the adoptee's inner world by drawing upon a wealth of sources: the findings of recent research about adoption; the quotations and advice of respected professionals; anecdotes from her own experiences as an adopted individual and those of other adoptees; and adoptive parents' stories. I found myself repeatedly thinking, "Yes, that happened to us!" In addition, Eldridge's down-to-earth style holds the reader's interest throughout. Best of all, Eldridge provides practical how-to advice about "WHAT ADOPTIVE PARENTS CAN DO." It's painful for us to recognize that our children's earliest experiences and dual heritage provide sorrow and anger. However, Eldridge's positive suggestions give hope for today's adoptive parents to achieve for their children the happiness and health they desire for them and that adopted children so much deserve.