This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today

by Kristin Maschka

An important look at motherhood and family dynamics in the 21st century'by the national spokesperson of Mothers & More. Kristin Maschka, past president of Mothers & More, a national organization with more than 140 chapters across the country, shines a spotlight on the complex issues mothers face'at work, in their homes, their lives, and with their partners? and shows how the hidden assumptions that society, the media, public policy, and women themselves...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0425227812
• ISBN13: 9780425227817
• Release Date: October 2009
• Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
• Length: 400 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.5" x 8.2"
• Age Range: 18 years and up
• Grade Range: Postsecondary and higher

Customer Reviews

Motherhood Reality Check

Finally, a realistic take on the challenges and rewards and frustrations of motherhood....this book will be especially helpful to new and 'newish' mothers who might find the reality of motherhood doesn't quite fit their naive expectations. This book will have real moments of recognition for them and incredibly helpful support, so they will know they are not alone and that most young mothers face similar challenges. This book is to be read and shared and can be an important and useful point of discussion among mothers who were afraid to share their true feelings and frustrations because of their fear of being perceived as 'bad' mothers....The book makes clear the struggles of parenting are hugely worthwhile and we can all get through the ups and downs with some humor, support and practical tips. There are lots of funny anecdotes plus an amazing amount of research. A must read for all young mothers!

A Remodeled Mother

Like Kristin Maschka, I thought I had a pretty modern view on motherhood and family, but sometimes things just didn't feel right. How come I was the one who just knew everything about our child and the household? From knowing when our daughter needed her next appointment with the pediatrician to tackling mountains of laundry and other household chores, I couldn't understand why I had all those family responsibilities... while sharing pretty equally in the breadwinnning too. Then I read Remodeling Motherhood and it all became clear. Maschka calls out some of those "mental maps" that are hiding behind our every thought and action. I thought I believed that my husband and I should share the family work equally since we are both employed, but I realized that I held a subconscious belief that "mothers are naturally better at caring for children" just as Maschka writes about through her own experience. That hidden belief was causing me to knock myself out, trying to handle more than my fair share of the work at home. But the truth is that dads and partners can be equally good at raising their kids, and should be given the chance to try. Life since reading this book has changed for the better. In a "remodeled" moment one Saturday morning, our young child needed bath, but I also had another very important obligation to tend to. As I was trying to give my child a speed-bath, I realized that I believed that as the mother, I should be the one to give all the baths. Garbage. My husband could do it. I called him to take over, while I did what I needed to do. You know what? He did a great job. We haven't looked back since.

She read my mind!

If you are a mom, you have to read this book. It is funny, insightful, and smart. She gives words to things I could never quite articulate. Why do we (moms) become the ones who KNOW and dads flounder around while we look in disgust? What happened to equality in childraising? Why did it go out the window when I had my kids? She gives interesting answers to these questions and more. The best part about the book - she gives ideas to move forward toward change. Once I started this book, I couldn't stop reading. You will do this to. Amazing. 5 stars +!

Read this book and share it

We've all read the books and articles that tell us that mothers can have it all - the perfect baby, perfect marriage, flexible job, etc...but what happened when you found out everything wasn't perfect? That new reality was difficult for me. The worst part was that I thought I was the only one that felt confused and out of place. In Kristin Maschka's book she takes on the issues that mothers and families face (and usually don't talk about) in a way that is smart, funny and personal. Some of the chapters include: - The mother of all to-do lists - or why didn't anyone tell me how hard this is? - Oxygen masks - or why am I at the bottom of my own lists? - Identity whiplash - or who am I now? - I'm a square peg - or why doesn't my job fit anymore? - That sinking feeling - or why do I feel financially vulnerable? And many more intriguing topics... Not only does she raise these issues and encourage us to challenge our assumptions about them, she also provides straightforward tools and resources to help us make changes that can impact our own lives and families, the lives of other mothers and society. This is a book that every mother should read, share and talk about with family and friends.

Wonderfully Written and Full of Invaluable Information

Kristin Maschka does a wonderful job of shedding light on the incredibly complex issues mothers face--at work, in their homes, their lives, and with their partners. She then gives the tools one needs to overcome these issues and "remodel their lives" to the one they originally envisioned. She does does this all while sharing her personal experiences with some humor laced throughout. Highly recommended for any parent out there.