The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood

by Jesse Green

Book Overview

Everything conspires against the single, childless man. Each new living thing in the world each day says: You are alone, and not getting younger. At the age of thirty-seven, the journalist and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0375501649
• ISBN13: 9780375501647
• Release Date: May 1999
• Publisher: Villard Books
• Length: 242 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.8" x 9.6"

Customer Reviews

Velveteen Reading as well

In Jesse Green's newly released in paperback, "The Velveteen Father", he spends an entire book waxing philosophic about the joys and pains of rearing a child in today's world. It might be so tempting to pigeon-hole this book into convienient, politically incorrect categories (as several reviews have shown; to which I qiuckly respond: why are you reading this book in the first place?), but in doing so, the true message and meaning of the story is missed. This isn't a book about two gay men adopting a child, this book really is about adopting a child, and the joys and pains and complexities of child-raising. To me, the fact that a gay man is doing the adopting was secondary, but still an important part of the story.For anyone, the path of adoption is complicated and emotionally-charged, as Jesse so brilliantly captures in his book. He covers all the usual bases in his story (how to conceive a child, the conservative world that may fight him tooth and nail, personal childhood stories) but does it in a poetic, wordy manner that forces us as readers to slow down and feast.I highly recommend this book, along with "The Kid" by Dan Savage, for anyone of any sexuality wanting to adopt a child in today's complex world.

Articulate and moving account of parenthood and love--a gift

The only disturbing part of reading the reviews about this book are the sick and out of place remarks some people feel it necessary to share with those of us who clearly chose to read about this book--and to read the book itself, because we care about what it means to be a parent, and what it means to love a child. The nasty self-righteous and self-satisfied judges of human nature ought to keep their nasty feelings in a more appropriate place where someone might actually be interested in hearing about them--which surely isn't here. Writing such comments in this context is clearly out of place--save it for your dogma conventions with others like yourself, all of you so certain God has chosen you to establish the standards on which societies ought to function. Some of these "readers" haven't even bothered to so much as read the book, let alone approach discussing it in a public forum with an open mind. But they feel perfectly qualified to comment on it, having read it or not. Why don't you stay in your cages, and make sure you stay surrounded by all of those perfect heterosexual parents who we all know never drink, beat, or abuse their kids--because they are in touch with GOD's WORD and the NATURAL--natural ignorance, untouched by human hands.For those of us sincere in examining the reviews for this book because we might consider reading/buying it, one needs only an open mind and a heart that cares about children and the way that they are loved. What we discover in this beautifully written journey is not all that surprising given the universality of love and caring and parenting--that is, for gay men as for all of us, loving a child is an all-absorbing, all-fascinating experience to which only the tragically ill-informed would put up barriers. I am married and straight, and I would give my eye teeth to have my husband articulate a small fraction of the understanding and power this man and his partner have experienced of love--both between themselves as well as among them and their children. What lucky sons they have, to grow up in a home so full of love, curiosity, caring and humanity....Read this book, if it doesn't tickle your nose, bring a tear to an eye, or touch you in some unexpected way, you are hard to move.As for those who find it so easy to knock Eastern "elites" and their preciousness, get a life, and stop worrying about everyone else's life so much--the great thing about this country is that no one group is granted the power to dictate how we live--since most of New York is restraining itself from asking you to move East, join us, and live as we do, why not leave the rest of us in Peace...try imagining what life would be like if we really lived by the Golden Rule you guys preach so much about---that ought to give you food for thought.As for narcissism, this book is clearly a story of outward growth, of embracing the possibility of taking responsibility for others, of seeing oneself in relat

Wonderful book about the GLBT family experience

As an adult daughter of two gay dads, I am dismayed to see some of the negative reviews of this book, and I wonder how we could have possibly read the same one. I very much enjoyed reading about Jesse's Green's journey to parenthood, and even though some people felt it was a little boring, I liked reading about his and his partner's backgrounds as well. No family is perfect, obviously, and I don't think the author's intent was to portray that. It's obvious that this book is full of love though, and I think that Erez and Lucas are lucky little boys to have such committed and caring dads. I recommend this book to all parents and children, gay and straight, who realize that love is what it takes to make a family.

Beautifully written, touchingly candid, and filled with love

As a 44-year-old gay adoptive father of two, and a sperm donor for a lesbian couple's child, I found that Jesse Green's book resonated with many aspects of my own experience. His candor about his own weaknesses and doubts, and his loving yet unflinching look at both his and his partner's lives, is moving and beautifully expressed. I found myself laughing frequently, and in tears just as often. Anyone who sees this parenting story as just a recipe for dysfunction doesn't know anything about being a gay man or adopting a child. There are no perfect families in the world, in spite of cultural stereotypes and religious prejudices; Jesse Green's window into one's man's journey to fatherhood is one of the most genuine and honest parenting stories I've ever read.

Engrossing and informative

My husband and I both enjoyed the book immensely. For those outside gay society, he provides insights into the search for meaning that many gays go through, since they usually don't have the simple fix of having kids. The book is most interesting in its discussion of his lover's background, the history of gay parenthood, and descriptions of life with the kids. As some other readers have indicated (rather harshly), the section on his own past is not that interesting and could have been greatly condensed (maybe because his childhood was so ordinary). Possibly the author is just being hard on himself, because he portrays himself least sympathetically of all the characters -- as a somewhat aloof, cold person. Despite this, the book is compelling and a good read. It's a pleasure to read a book on parenthood and adoption that is well written, since there are many, many poorly written ones out there!