The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing Is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live

by Shelley E. Taylor

Book Overview

A groundbreaking work that reveals how the instinct to "tend and befriend" is vital for human society. In times of crisis and upheaval, our responses to stress become especially important. We have long heard about the "fight or flight" response, but renowned psychologist Shelley E. Taylor points out that hardwired in females -- both humans and those of other species -- is an instinct that can transcend "fight or flight." Their "tend and befriend"...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0805068376
• ISBN13: 9780805068375
• Release Date: May 2002
• Publisher: Times Books
• Length: 290 Pages
• Weight: 1.44 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.1" x 6.1" x 9.8"

Customer Reviews

Oxytocin?

This authors is a mainstream intellectual whose "Social Pyschology" textbook is probably beyond the 11 th edition, the last one I checked. She is also one of the founders of Health Psychology as a subdiscipline in Psychology and her similarly named text must be in at least the 6th edition, and is considered the Gold Standard in the area!

Solid, scientific and eminently readable

Shelley Taylor has pulled off a coup, integrating scientific research with anecdotes from her own life and translating academic jargon into readable prose.Men and women differ in the way they respond to stress. After a hard day's work, men want to be alone; women spend more time with the children. And it is this tending instinct that keeps a society together and makes individuals healthier.Men and women differ in other ways that influence social interaction, says Taylor. Men's groups are more hierarchical, women's more informational. Married men live longer than single men, and women fare better during times of major crisis, such as the dissolution of the Communist bloc. Another key theme: Nurturing is essential to well-being. A nurturant parent can override genes that would predispose a child toward aggression, depression or other disorders.Much of what Taylor writes will not seem radically new, but cumulatively, chapter to chapter, she builds a case for recognizing the importance of nurturing and the style of interaction known as traditionally female.Because Taylor is a psychologist, rather than sociologist, it's not surprising that she omits suggestions and implications. Many well-educated citizens, for instance, resent payments to welfare mothers, yet Taylor's findings emphasize that paying women to nurture their children can save millions of dollars by keeping those children out of the criminal justice system. A sociologist could point out that in fact tending seems to be punished by society. "Nurturant" occupations, such as teaching and social work, typically pay less than more aggressive occupations, such as policing. In medicine, surgeons make the most while pediatricians and psychiatrists earn the least, on average. Taylor also ignores outliers -- the non-nurturing female and the nurturing male. -- who occupy ambivalent roles in many societies. And while she says that friends will become the most important social relationship, as we move farther from families, I find that friendship bonds often are formed based on family status. A married but childless woman says, "People my age are having babies!" and I say, "Women my age are getting visits from the grandchildren!" As an academic, Taylor herself anticipates comments on what's working and what's missing, and she has made an exceptionally strong contribution here. I am recommending this book to readers who want to learn more about stress as well as those who are fascinated by the eternal "how men differ from women" puzzle.

Mrs. Mankind

If you have ever wondered about how the other half of the sky copes with stress! If you have ever given any thought to the science of anthropology & how it has neglected the study of how women look at life. If you have had this needling question that "What if society is a lie?" & couldn't find any answers...then this book's for you, because Shelley E. Taylor asked a seemingly innocuous question which unearthed a fascinating idea!THE TENDING INSTINCT is a powerful, transformative read. It deals with both old & new ideas about community, society, morality & how women & men think about their lives, how we interact & cope with stress.Very good stuff! Well written, well-researched, informative & everso interesting. You will find yourself nodding & saying "Of course! I knew that!"

Greatly informative & highly recommended!

Human beings are very complex individuals -- we are all driven to make a place in the world, yet we have different means to achieve this place...different behaviors that allow us to "survive."In the book, "The Tending Instinct," the author shows how men and women differ in their responses in times of need. According to the author, women are born with a "nurturing" quality and tend to seek support from others during times of stress. During these times, women will also reach out to help others. This natural "tending instinct" that women have, is vital in a society and also beneficial to children who are exposed to this instinctive behavior at an early age.MyParenTime.com highly recommends the book, "The Tending Instinct" -- this book is wonderful! It is clearly written and very interesting. Readers will find it greatly informative!

A Must Read - Fantastic

Insightful, provocative, inspired, "The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live" is one of the most interesting texts today on how and why nurturing manifests itself in our society. With thorough detail the author examines current research and examples to uncover how the tending instinct functions in today's society and how it explains the differences in how men and women respond to stress. Most studies on stress and the "fight or flight" response that we have been taught since childhood have been based on studies of men and/or male rats or other creatures. Shelley Taylor shows that that may be the case for men in general but for women the response is grouping together, reaching out to others, and "tending" each other. Well researched, logically argued, it is a real treasure trove of insight.The only thing that I did not like about the book is actually a comment more on today's society than on the author's writing style. It is a shame that she feels the need to qualify so many of her comments, but she is probably right in doing so. It keeps breaking up the flow of the writing to the point of being annoying. For example, she writes "...women continue to be the mainstay of caring for children by a large margin". That's an observable fact that I think most people would take as true. However she follows it up with a parenthetical "...I do not mean that women should or must care for children or that only women can care for children, only that they are more likely to do so." It is a shame that in our politically correct society we have to be so careful not to offend that we need to sprinkle comments like this through a text that would otherwise be so well written.Still, it is an excellent book and provides a different perspective on many issues related to tending and caring for others. From the first chapter to the last, it is book that I would highly recommend and applaud the author for bringing such an insightful work to the public. Bravo!