The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love: Dr. Paul's 9 Proven Steps to Lasting Love

by L.A. Stamford and Paul Dobransky

Book Overview

A scientifically proven 9-step program for understanding the dating brain and finding the love of your life Psychiatrist Paul Dobransky presents a patented, clinically proven, easy-to-follow nine-step... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0452288185
• Release Date: May 2007
• Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
• Length: 276 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.3" x 0.7" x 5.5"

Customer Reviews

Best Book on Creating and Sustaining Harmonious Relationships

For the ladies, this book will remind us of those things we have intuitively known. For the men this will give you some tools as well in gaining understanding about yourself and your relationships. In this sense both men and women can see relationships as ways in which to self-actualize in life and reach his/her best potential as a human being. In this way, we can learn to see and understand relationships with others as a reflection of self. Hence this book promotes virtue in the sense of learning to take responsibility of self and yet very proactive, non-blaming and non-punitive. The focus is very Buddha-like, to achieve happiness, strive to do one's best and not feel ashamed for past "mistakes" . Per se, this book does not promote any religion, but being an SGI-USA Buddhist and psychotherapist, I did notice discussion about the fruits of becoming self-actualized or otherwise enlightened. If one takes the suggestions and really understands this book, it will increase if not help you to create as well, the likelihood that you will attain absolute vs relative happiness.

Science with heart.

One thing I've always liked about Dr. Paul's work is that it gives the reader a scientific grasp of what's really going on in your head without invalidating the desire to live free from overthinking, overanalizing and "games." His 9 steps give both men and women a better understanding of where they are in a relationship, how to grow in life and how to connect with people. Read this book and you'll find your own balance of introspection, adventure and happiness in your relationships.

Not all mechanics

Dr. Paul's book delves into the whole process of falling in love but underlying all the mechanics is this little twist called serendipity. For me that was the real power of the book. It's not about Mr. Right it's about finding the story you're meant to live. The 9 steps are safety instructions. So you can live with your eyes open and make good choices. And when your story comes along you won't trap or win Mr. Right but you will be clear to make the best choices and join the story. I'm married and I definitely see strong parallels in all 9 steps to the unfolding of our story. Read the book, live your life and keep an eye open for your story!

Courtship as a Pathway to True Love

"The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love" is based on a scientific approach that is far from clinical. The intriguing case studies of how couples interact with each other keeps your full attention as Dr. Paul Dobransky analyzes these stories and presents a pathway to true love. Diagrams throughout make the psychology lessons easy to understand and the idea of allowing natural stages of courtship to unfold makes complete sense. This book is mainly for women who want to secure a long-term relationship and are willing to thoughtfully analyze each step in the process. What are the character traits that make men irresistible? What are the three main stages to all romantic relationships? How can you avoid breakups or divorce? What makes men and women successful at relationships? To bring about a full understanding of how we fall in love, Dr. Paul Dobransky explains how our brains function. This is truly brilliant because it gives a realistic viewpoint to an otherwise unexplainable phenomena. Falling in love is normally so mysterious and veiled and the information presented here explores the reptilian (brain stem), mammalian (midbrain) and higher brain (cortex) in detail. During each stage of courtship a different part of the brain takes center stage. By understanding how the brain works while you are hopelessly falling in love gives you insight into what is actually occurring. This gives a woman much more control over her emotions and allows her to sidestep many of the dangers involved with only relying on the reptilian brain or physical attraction stages. There are detailed lists of what to look for if you suspect you may be with Mr. Wrong. Dr. Paul Dobransky successfully synthesizes various theories of psychology into a very understandable model that is practical and helpful. He explores nine steps of courtship that will lead to a satisfying romantic relationship with long-term potential. Whether you are looking for Mr. Right or enjoy analyzing your current relationship I think you will find many answers to questions about dating and marriage. ~The Rebecca Review

Secret psychology

Dr Paul describes the 9 step process that women can use to find the man of their dreams. Previously, Dr Paul has outlined the same process for men, which is a little different. I have used his other products, so its all familiar. The 9 steps are more than enough to justify buying this book. It explains the Triune brain theory, our reptilian, mammalian, and higher brain function, which are responsible for attraction, bonding, and commitment. Relationships falter between there is lack of communication between partners on all three levels simultaneously, and this is how the 9 step process comes into play. If the entire 9 steps are not followed in sequence or steps are overlooked years can be wasted, and you can be left wondering where the relationship went wrong. For example, one important step in the attraction phase is make him compete to win you. As a man I understand why this is important. As a woman you may wonder, until you read this book. There is however so much other gold in this book. As an experienced psychiatrist, with substantial case experience, he has developed models of how to deal with various issues both personally and in relationships. In particular, I liked his definition of self esteem, and his maps to deal with this, anger, sadness, anxiety and depression. This book is far more complete than the title would suggest, offering many proven processes to fine tune your relationship. Perhaps the most important concept of all is the "Cool Eye" which as human beings we all have, but very few of us use it consciously as a tool to improve our lives. Quite simply though, you cannot evolve without it. How do you know if a man will commit? Your clock could be ticking loudly, and your eggs yearning to fertilise, yet you have no clue when and if he will commit. The answer is testing, and he has recommendations for you to use in this book. How do you if you are compatible? You can test your archetype for free at his website [...], and determine if you are a queen/king, warrior, magician, lover. Your romantic match would be the opposite archetype. This is based on Jungian theory. For Sex and the City fans, the four female characters represent the female archetypes. Mr Big is a warrior. Dr P also teaches you how to develop a strong personal boundary. This will prevent you from getting into abusive or codependent relationships. Men will find this useful too. You will understand why you did not commit to someone in the past, and how to be stand up high character guy who will commit when you do meet the right woman. If you care to follow this book, you can save years of wasted time with the wrong guy, stop being strung along, screen for the right characteristics, and prevent cheating, and learn how to get a guy to commit. Pretty good, eh? I trust you find this helpful.