The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids--From Toddlers to Preteens--Without Threats or Punishment

by Anthony E. Wolf

Book Overview

Essential advice from the author of the bestselling Get Out Of My Life

Today's children--from toddlers to preteens--challenge their parents in ways that would have been unthinkable a generation ago, notes Anthony E. Wolf, and parents are often uncertain about how to cope.

In his new book, Wolf presents a fresh perspective on this less pleasant behavior and a surprisingly simple method for dealing with it. He argues that punishments...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0374527083
• ISBN13: 9780374527082
• Release Date: September 2000
• Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.55 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.5" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

AWESOME BOOK

This book is awesome - really works well with our kids. Time outs, threats and punishments did NOT work. Every hospital should give this book to parents when they leave for home with their newborn child!

Excellent advice, but borrows heavily from Jeremy

If you have not read any of Anthony Wolf's books, and you are looking for a great book on parenting, you've found it. Wolf's advice is straightforward, logical, and reasonably easy to implement. But if you bought _It's No Fair, Jeremy Spencer Gets to Stay Up All Night_, this one won't teach you much more. _Secrets of Parenting_ borrows heavily from _It's No Fair_, to the point that there's no need for both of them.The kernel of Wolf's approach toward dealing with children is in handling the I Want You Now personality. His descriptions of typical childhood behavior ring true to anyone who has children. Ever have your child playing quietly in the same room until you pick up the phone, and then s/he needs you to help RIGHT AWAY? Wolf will explain why this happens. Better yet, he'll tell you how to handle this so it won't keep happening.His advice on handling bad behavior is for you to become a Robo-parent. It completely disconnects the I Want You Now behavior, because it doesn't engage. Robo-parent deals with the child, no muss, ignore the fuss, and very soon your child learns that tantrums and stickiness don't succeed. While I can't always tamp down my emotions to turn into Robo-parent, it's good to have a strategy that WILL WORK.

This book saved my life!

As the mother of an only child, I sought a lot of advice from parenting books. Many gave a list of do's and don'ts and had some good ideas,but this book has easy, practical advice. Dr. Wolf's recommended approaches are in line with my personal values, which don't include harsh punishment and spanking.I was able to decrease my stress in dealing with my child on a day to day basis and now spending time together is more enjoyable because there is practically no fussing.It's funny to see him try his temper tantrums now, because I can see his frustration when they have no effect on me. As a result, he rarely has one.I plan to give copies of this book to my friends for Christmas.

The best parenting book ever

This book has changed my life as a parent. When I tell people I don't punish my kids, people think I'm a "softie" However, people who see me with my kids understand that I'm really quite strict and that my children are unusually well behved as a result of Dr. Wolf's advice. Dr. Wolf makes you understand that you HAVE to be in charge and that you and your kids will be happier as a result. His methods allow the joy to be brought back into parenting.

This book has become my official parenting bible.

This is the first parenting book I have ever read from cover to cover.I was unable to pull away! In the past I have skimmed through scoresof parenting books and magazines, gathering bits and pieces of helpfulinformation, leaving me with a plethora of conflicting ideas thateventually cancelled each other out until I was left with nothing butself-doubt on how I was raising my own children. But this book is agoldmine. Reading it has been an absolute pleasure, and has given megreat insight into what drives the behavior of children of all ages(toddlers to teens). In his book, Wolf provides not only thepsychology behind the behavior of children, but also a verystraightforward and consistent manner in which to respond to childrenin the most difficult situations. These situations include tantrums,sibling rivalry, back-talk, guilt-trips, lying, whining, interrupting,and more. Wolf's recommended approach to handling most of thesesituations is centered around a basic theme which he explains veryearly on in the book. He also provides many examples of verytrue-to-life conversations between parents and kids, making it prettyclear which ones will lead to nowhere. Wolf's book is very readableand flows smoothly. The author's sense of humor can be feltthroughout the book, with an occassional touch of sarcasm, sometimeseven a corny joke. But this makes the book fun to read, almost givingthe feeling of conversing with the author in person.As a mother ofa two-year-old and a three-year-old, I wish Wolf would have includedmore conversations with small children and written more about how tohandle potty training. However, I was still able to put these methodsinto practice for tantrums, sibling fights, and whining (which coversthe majority of our problems), and they have proven to be 150% moreeffective than reasoning, arguing, time-outs, bribing, yelling,spanking or threatening. It has actually brought back a lot of joy tobeing a parent, and I no longer walk on eggshells dreading the nexttantrum. I don't want to give away Wolf's "secret" in thisreview, as that would take away from the pleasure of reading the book.I strongly recommend this book to all parents and anyone wanting tolearn more about children!