The Rock Bible: Unholy Scripture for Fans and Bands

by Henry H. Owings

Book Overview

Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, Chunklet magazine presents you with The Rock Bible --the complete rules for living an authentic life of rock 'n' roll. Here are hundreds of wise and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1594742693
• ISBN13: 9781594742699
• Release Date: August 2008
• Publisher: Quirk Books
• Length: 144 Pages
• Weight: 0.56 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.1" x 7.0"

Customer Reviews

It has its moments.

While perusing the Rock Bible, any fan or musician will probably feel a little indignant at times when you encounter some advice you don't quite agree with, or when something you or your favorite acts actually do is solemnly (yet very sarcastically) proclaimed heresy. But, there are plenty of laughs to be had, and overall it's a very clever commentary on trends in rock music, bands, production and fandom. Some of this book's wisdom that I found particularly profound includes: For singers: - Don't think about getting naked onstage unless you're totally in shape or totally obese. - Don't show up four hours late to band practice only to storm out because the band started without you. For guitarists: - Play a guitar you're not afraid to drop. No matter how careful you are, it will fall one day. - During an audition, never refer to yourself as having "pro gear, pro skills, pro attitude." Musicians who have spouted this motto at auditions have none of the above, especially the skills. For drummers: - If you know how to program a drum machine, you aren't a drummer. You're a computer dweeb. - If you plan to have your hi-hat open and swishing around all the time, then be prepared not to hear any of the actual music and expect to go deaf. For fans: - Know ahead of time that getting a band tattoo is a perfect way to show people what you used to listen to before your twentieth birthday. - Many bands you enjoy are just simply not very good live. Unlike musical taste, this point is not subjective. Also, bands with poorly recorded albums will most likely be just as horrible when you pay to see them. While not particularly informative, it would make a great gift for any rock aficionado or musician (who has a sense of humor.) It's also good just to have around as something funny for people to pick up and read casually.

A good laugh for any Rock music lover!

A humorous little book for the rock n' roll music lover! This book features tons of little tid bits of so called 'advice' and 'codes to live by' for rock musicians. Aimed mostly at the garage bands & bands trying to make it big, on and off tour, this book is a comical read divided in sections by instruments. This book shouldn't be taken seriously though, its much opinion & humor, not real advice. I found this book extremely amusing, and very fun to read! However the book is written clearly on personal opinion by the author and several friends. Although there are several funny things & things I agree with, there are also statements I don't agree with. Like I said before, this book shouldn't be taken seriously, it's just for kicks. If you though some of the quotes from 'Guitar Hero' were amussing, you NEED to read this book!

Hilarious, But Probably Not Written By a Musician

I picked up this book in a Barnes and Noble and, was intrigued. Being a drummer, I imediately flipped to the Gospel According to the Drummer. Don't get me wrong, this stuff was absolutely hilarious, and most of it was true, but many of the witicisms were definetly not written by any kind of musiscian. For instance: "You can never lead the band from behind your kit" and "there is no such thing as a drummer/songwriter". Clearly the author has never heard of Don Brewer. But these few point aside, this book is excelent.

Even a Drummer can enjoy this book........

The Rock Bible book was a book I just happened to come across in all places.......a book store. This is a book that should of been written a long time ago. Very funny stuff. Makes fun of drummers, and singers and bass players, guitarist, keyboardist, tour managers, etc.... Now, I'm not much of a book reviewer,(or writer), however, I am a drummer (so give me a break please), but I found the entire book a hoot. Funny, but in many cases, so so true. I laughed in every subject title. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever been in a band, or been to see many bands live in concert. I also like the built-in book mark that this book has. Becaues it takes a drummer a long time to read a book that doesn't really have any pictures.........Drum roll please..........

Not a Bible--it's a rock n' roll comedy book.

When not working as a concert promoter, indie record producer or label owner, Henry Owings is the editor of Chunklet, a particularly snarky music zine from Georgia that does things like dismantle VH1 "100 Greatest"-type shows with nasty--but hilariously true--comments about each choice. Owings' new book, The Rock Bible: Unholy Scripture for Fans & Bands (Quirk Books), focuses that wit with jokes--and occasionally good advice--in the form of hundreds of commandments for acts, roadies, studio mavens, fans and anyone else who comes into Owings' crosshairs. Some sample commandments: * No L.A. tour managers who wear their hair in a ponytail, unless you plan on scalping them. * If your amp has more than six knobs, you are one of them. * If you don't laugh at the studio engineer's jokes, he will ruin your album. * A Stax Records T-shirt can only be worn if you can name five artists that didn't have huge hits. * If you say "My friend Neil is in that band; I've always wanted to see them," Neil is not actually your friend. * The worst toilet paper in America is always better than the best toilet paper in Europe. It's best to bring your own, especially to Germany. * All drummers wearing headset microphones should be required to take a food order. * The only excuse for using a megaphone on stage is if you're a fire marshal. * Your amps should never stack up to be taller than anybody in the band. If you can't lift that tube head on your own, you don't deserve it. * Lo-Fi means "couldn't afford to record in a real studio." * If you're one of those drummers who sets up at the front of the stage, back the hell up. You are the goalies of rock; play your position. ...and so forth. Interspersed throughout are sidebars like Recommended Phrases To Say To A Not-So-Great Band As They Come Off Stage ("It's nice to hear a drummer who really knows how to put some step into the kick drum"), and there's additional essays by comedian Patton Oswalt and others. A particular highlight is Bryan Teasley's "Genesis," a goofy, but surprisingly thorough Cliff Notes of Rock History, presented as the world's longest run-on sentence. It's not for everyone--folks who accidentally pick this "bible" up expecting to learn more about CCM may walk away offended if they read the section about Groupies, for instance. For many road dogs or studio rats, however, Owings' jokes and sensibilities will ring true, and thanks to the paperback's extra-tough cover, it'll survive living in your road case or being kicked around the studio indefinitely. In all, The Rock Bible is a fun, simple way to pass the time while waiting for that guitar to finally get tuned.