The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

by Laura Schlessinger

Book Overview

In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage. Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060520612
• ISBN13: 9780060520618
• Release Date: December 2003
• Publisher: Harper
• Length: 180 Pages
• Weight: 0.84 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.5" x 8.3"

Customer Reviews

STUNNED (in a good way)

First, let me say that I am a very independent, very headstrong, liberal wife who has a higher education than her husband (masters' degree), owns a business and takes no B.S. from anyone. When this book came out, I truly thought it was a joke. WHO WOULD WRITE A BOOK LIKE THIS OUTSIDE OF THE 1950s?! And WHERE IS THE "PROPER CARE... OF WIVES"?! To add 'insult', a coworker of my husband (whose wife stays at home with their 4 kids because they feel that this is THE role wives are SUPPOSED TO take on), is the one who offered to lend it to me. I thought, "this will be interesting" but can't criticize until giving it a shot, right??? Ok - there's the background - here's the review: I couldn't put the book down and read it in a just over a day. While I don't agree 100% with all that Dr. Laura says, and as another reviewer commented that there are parts that men may find insulting, this book has changed my life, and as a result it has changed my husband's life - both for the better. After 7 years of marriage, we are clicking like we never have before. I can't explain it to you, or to my married best friends whose jaws dropped as I confessed to them over margaritas that I NOT ONLY READ the book but I LOVED the book. All I can say is that the foundation makes sense. It doesn't bash working women - Dr. Laura is one, after all. But it does point out, not so discreetly, that your family - the family you have chosen to create - should come above all else. And that the EXTREMISM of some aspects of the feminist movement is self-destructive to women, men and society as a whole. And as I turned each page and as I tried to rebel against some parts (I shouldn't BURDEN him with the tales of MY day??!), peel away the layers, let down your defenses and let it make sense. (It isn't that my day is less significant, but men and women communicate differently - vent to him about your day and he'll feel like a second class citizen and a failure for not being able to fix your stress. Vent to your girlfriends and they'll dish with you! Focus your time on your husband, family, relationship, etc., once you get home instead.) AND LET ME TELL YA once you leave the work day at the door, your home becomes YOUR HOME again, too. So it's win-win! REALLY!!! Dr. Laura's book includes parts and pieces of past calls and letters, which is a helpful, practical demonstration of her points and breaks things up so you don't feel like you're getting a lecture (especially if you are ready to admit you've been doing a few thngs wrong!). And as you can see the lightbulb go on with average Janes all over the country and across time in the dialogue- from them pushing back on her advice to (aha!) getting her message during their conversations, you see the pettiness we can cling to and frankly, the underlying simplicity in each of her messages. OK - still skeptical? Then rent it at the library for free and give it a shot. Just TRY to put her ideas into practice - commit to cha

Down-to-earth marriage manual

Even though I do not always agree with Dr. Laura, I enjoy listening to her. Mostly, it's because she has very strong beliefs and she stands firmly by them. Too often in our society people are wishy-washy out of desire to be "popular" and inoffensive. I admire her for her strength to stand for what she believes in or take an unpopular point of view. She's an inspiration for all of us to stand by our principles and, above all, to always be honest with ourselves and others. "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is the first and only book by Dr. Laura that I have read. Overall, it is very much like her radio program, except that it is focused solely on what we as women can do to improve and maintain our marriage. Her style is conversational, no-nonsense, and down-to-earth. The advice that she dispenses is common-sense, practical, and time-tested. A large number of actual phone calls and letters make up the bulk of the book, as illustrations for the points that she makes. The message of the book is that women have real power in marriage, since men, at their core, yearn for acceptance, approval, and appreciation (`the three A's'). Women, therefore, have the power to either make their husbands absolutely happy by giving them these three A's (which in turn makes men more willing to go the extra mile for their wives) or miserable by withholding them (which results in resentment and can ultimately lead to divorce). In this book, Dr. Laura exposes the problem in our society where women have a real need for control in their relationships, which manifests in them withholding affection, needlessly criticizing and otherwise alienating their husbands. I can personally testify to the validity of advice that she gives. Being a child of a divorce, I struggled with all of these issues early on in my relationship and my marriage. Although I didn't have the benefit of this book at the time, I was lucky enough to be with a man who loved me and cared enough for me to stick around while I worked out all of these issues. He really taught me, through his actions, what "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is all about - the importance of being unselfish, willing to compromise, and putting the relationship and the other person first. Doing so creates a virtuous cycle which invites the same behavior in the other person, thus bringing both people happiness and fulfillment. Now being happily married, I believe that I'm already doing most of the things in the book. Still, it was a nice reinforcement of what I've learned through life experience and gave a few valuable pointers in the areas where I still have room for improvement. There were a couple of times while reading this book that I felt it was a bit redundant and lacked structure - mostly due to the author's need to reinforce certain points, as well as her overall conversational style. Despite these rather minor flaws, I still give this book five stars because there is nothing else quit

Very Helpful, if you have an open minded

I must admit that when I first started reading this book, I started to get a little ticked off because every other sentence was about how a woman needs to do this or that and I was like will you please get off our backs and when and where does a man come in at in the relationship picture. Well I kept reading and the point finally popped up and waved at me and said you need to look at yourself,realize and admitt to the things that you can change in your marriage and change them for the positive outcome. Being a woman is a wonderful gift and we have all the power we need if we use it correctly and in a loving manner. This book actually works, I tried some of the tactics the first night and what seemed like a dreadful union is turning into a match made in heaven with the sun shining even on a gloomy day. And guess What? It changed, because of my decision to be loving and mature in situations that I normally would not be. Attitudes and outlooks on things really matter and if you want a change in your relationship, open your heart and mind, buy this book and follow through. One Love

Good information

Having been through two divorces I have a bit of experience in the failed marriage business and I read this book with interest to see if I spotted any similarities between the authors advice to married women and the behaviors I experienced in my bad marriages. Spot on. Bingo. It's here. I give the book a strong recommendation to any looking to strengthen their marriage or to any planning on getting married.It's easy for some to vilify Dr. Laura but if you (as a woman) have ever been successfully married you've either followed her advice or you weren't all that happily married (or at least your husband was miserable). She makes it very clear that the book isn't written for relationships that are abusive and that in normal non-abusive relationships men are actually very similar and pretty much want the same things in their marriages: the respect of their wives, lots of physical intimacy and a good home from their children.As for the overall quality of the book and the writing, I'd say it's about average. It is a short book and a lot of it is filler, quotes, examples and stories. I read it in a few hours and did find it entertaining as well as informative. In defense of the authors style and the length of the book, I'd like to point out that to help the average person, a book can't be to long and complicated, it simply won't get read, so overall, I'd not say the length and style are a detriment. My biggest complaint was that it simply ended, there wasn't a conclusion or final chapter, the last chapter was just the last chapter.As for those people, women or men, that can't stand the idea of a wife respecting and honoring her husband, loving him and caring for him, it's fine if you feel that way as a single person but you're setting yourself up for a failed marriage if you think somehow you're so special that the laws of human nature and the spirit of man are somehow unique in your situation. They aren't. I highly highly recommend this book to anyone that's engaged or thinking about it. If you think the book is bunk, don't get marriage yet, at least not to a man...

Honoring and Respecting Your Husband is the Key

Dr Laura's book is sure to be controversial but for wives who are willing to do whatever it takes to make their marriages work, this book has the answers. Dr Laura tells it as it is as she explains a wife holds the keys to making her husband happy and her marriage successful if she will honor and respect her husband and give him attention and affection. My husband gave me this book last week because he knew I had started reading books on how to be a better wife and I was already a fan of Dr Laura's books. I imagine that if a wife was a feminist or not ready to make sacrifices for her husband then giving her this book would not help. I recently gave up my business to concentrate on my family and was primed for what this book had to teach.Men who read this will likely get their feelings validated. Some might possibly be insulted though by Dr Laura's assertion, "Men are borne of women and spend the rest of their lives yearning for a woman's acceptance and approval...men admittedly are putty in the hands of a woman they love. Give him direct communication, respect, appreciation, food and good lovin', and he'll do just about anything you wish...You basic male is a decent creature with simple desires: to be his wife's hero, to be his wife's dream lover, to be the protector and provider for his family, to be respected, admired and apprecaited. Men live to make their women happy.Though Dr Laura is Jewish, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" makes many the same points as conservative Christian marriage books such as "Liberated Through Submission", "Finding the Hero in Your Husband", "Joy of a Promise Kept", "His Needs, Her Needs" and the secular book "The Surrendered Wife".The body of book is about 1/3 quotes from radio conversations with listeners and emails that Dr Laura has gotten. The heartfelt quotes from husbands drive home the points made. Dr Laura teaches that a good wife with her actions makes her husband the #1 priority in her life, clearly before both her job, parents, friends and even children. She tells women not to nag or mother this husbands because "If a man can't find peace in his own home, where he should be able to feel relaxed, accepted, loved, and content, he beings to hate coming home"Dr Laura teaches that feminism has lied in claiming "men will oppress; they are the enemy; do not submit; terminate or donate." She condems the feminist movement "which supports personal success, acquisition, accomplishment amd power...over love, marriage and family."I've read several criticisms of Dr Laura's position that it is a wife needs to meet her husband's sexual needs even when she's not in the mood. Dr Laura compares it to how irresponsible it would be for a husband to not go to work just because he's too tired or doesn't feel like it. If a wife still doesn't understand the reason behind her obligation, there are other books that cover this issue more thoroughly such as "Understanding the Purpose and Power of a Woman", "Making Sense Of Th