The New Vampire's Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night

by Chris Pauls, Janet Ginsburg, Scott Sherman, et al.

Book Overview

Being turned into a vampire is the easy part. Actually becoming a vampire is far more difficult. In today's world of vampire-obsessed pop culture, misinformation abounds. A newly turned vampire who... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0345508564
• ISBN13: 9780345508560
• Release Date: September 2009
• Publisher: Villard Books
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.58 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

A Must Read for Anyone Who Has Recently Been Turned!

The New Vampires Handbook is written a self help manual for the newly turned whose vampire turner has not taken up the mentor role they should have. In the past these newly turned vampires were most likely to make a mistake and not survive long in the wild of the real world. I don't think this manual by any means would replace the wisdom of a good vampire mentor with their hundreds of years of knowledge but unfortunately there are a lot of recently turned who just don't have the mentor option. Even if your turner is still around this is a good little book to bring up subjects with them they may not have realised was important before you get caught out and burn up. I mean I had never even thought about the fact that even though you catch a red-eye flight the plane may get delayed and sit for hours on the runway while you burn up with no where to escape the sunlight. Vampire Miles Proctor also knows how to write in a humorous and very entertaining way. This is no boring book or rules or how to manual. In fact if humans ever get hold of a copy, and I've got to confess I'm actually in that category, even though there is nothing of immediate use to the non vampire inside we are quite entertained. The main topics inside fall under the five main headings Health and Welfare, Feeding, Vampire-Human Relations, Society and Culture and Lifestyle. There's also a few appendices and a glossary of words the newly turned vampire is likely to hear but not quite know what they mean. Vampires will learn about their new body, weaknesses, mortal enemies, fangs and oral hygiene, selecting and luring prey, disaster preparedness, vampire fanatics, human-vampire love, faking your way through a meal, getting into invite only buildings, acting your age, coffins, travel and much more.

Bloody Good !!

I got this for my birthday from a friend at work and wasn't too sure if I would like it . Once I started I could not put it down ! It is one of the funniest books I have ever read , these writers are fantastic ! Miles' advice and anticdotes are priceless . Don't forget to carry sunflower seeds or grains with you on dark spooky nights , it can prove more useful than garlic !

Guidance for the unguided

With the help of the Vampire Miles Proctor, Action-5 writers have presented a guide for those vampires that never got the proper tutelage or guidance from a mentor after they were turned into an undead bloodsucker. You'll learn valuable tips on travelling, etiquette, feeding, strengths, weaknesses, social responsibilities, and how to get invited into places. Afterall, you're going to feasibly be around for a long long time so unless someone is showing you the way, you better get this book to help you along, without it or a mentor, your time could be very short. Yes it's a danged HUMOR book, get over it. It's quite funny, well presented, well worded, and you won't put it down until you're finished. The authors aren't dealing with wanna-be goths, blood-drinking fetish humans, movie vampires, or other crap but present the vampire as if they were real. There are influences from the Anne Rice books, a little Buffy, and old folklore to present them in a tongue-in-cheek fashion that will get you to laugh. Can go hand in hand with the The Werewolf's Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten although this vampire guide is much better written. Worth picking up unless you are over-the-top and take the subject of vampire reality far too serious. It's not like we're talking about zombies here.

Funniest thing I've read in years!

I bought this book up on a whim, and didn't set it down (or stop laughing!) until I reached the last page. The authors are clearly real fans, and so the book feels like an act of love. Can anybody recommend any other books by these authors?!?

Best Humorous Gift of the Year

As a both a lover of comedy and Buffy, this book had me laughing out loud, and that takes a lot to do. With the holidays around the corner, I can think of no better humorous gift to give both vampire-obsessed and non-obsessed friends/family members. Never fails to delight.