The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

by Robert M. Pressman and Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman

Book Overview

In this compelling book, the authors present an innovative therapeutic model for understanding and treating adults from emotionally abusive or neglectful families? families the authors call narcissistic. Narcissistic families have a parental system that is, for whatever reason (job stress, alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, physical disability, lack of parenting skills, self-centered immaturity), primarily involved in getting its own needs met...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0787908703
• ISBN13: 9780787908706
• Release Date: July 1997
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Length: 192 Pages
• Weight: 0.66 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.1" x 9.2"

Customer Reviews

Loved this book!!!

This is the best book I have read to help people detect narcissism and help victims discover what happened and start to heal from the abuse and pain. I loved this book!!! It helped me a lot!!

Finally! I've found the answer!

Thank heaven for this book! This book spoke to me on a very personal level. I would have never guessed that I come from a covertly Narcissistic family system. My family was perfect - or so it seemed from the outside (and even from the inside!). We never fought, we never argued, we never had disagreements. My parents told me and my brothers that they loved us. For 37 years, I believed the family myth. We were the perfect family. But, the "perfect family" label never felt quite right to me. Even though I was told I was loved, I was also told that I "needed more attention" as a child, was a "difficult" teenager, and more recently that I have "emotional problems" (for daring to speak up about a glaring boundary issue). For years I even believed that I WAS a difficult kid until I started to remember my childhood. I remember my perfect father was an alcoholic who was largely absent and almost totally unavailable emotionally. I remember my mom insisted that we never express "negative" feelings. We were expected to always be positive and happy and if we weren't then we were chided for being selfish and ungrateful. If we were sad or disappointed, we were expected to "walk it off" and told that we should "stop crying" or they would "give us something to cry about". We were told that other (less well-adjusted and unhappy) people "just didn't get it" and we were instructed to pity those people. How is it that a kid who gets good grades, is compliant and respectful, doesn't smoke, do drugs or have sex, and whose only goal is to go to college a difficult teenager? The answer is found in this book - that she lives in a dysfunctional family system that defines any small statement of independence as an act of disrespect. In the book, the author defines the narcissistic family system - the "parent system" takes precedence over the "child system". Children raised in these families grow up to believe that they are wrong to experience fear, anger, sadness and frustration because their feelings are never validated. Instead, they are made to feel guilt and shame if they express any needs that conflict with the needs of the parents or are simply inconvenient for the parents. Speaking of my own situation, I even feel guilty writing this down because even mentioning it seems like a betrayal! I have found out the hard way what happens if you threaten or disrupt the family myth. Not only do the parents punish you, but other family members are enlisted to keep you in line. Heaven help you if you stand up for yourself and decide to define yourself on your own terms. Heaven help you if you create reasonable boundaries to protect your husband and your children from their intrusive behavior, lies and abusive manipulations. In the narcissistic family open and respectful communication is never an option. The authors of this book describe so many important aspects of this family dynamic. The case examples are an integral part of understanding how the family myth is enforced an

Boundary Foundation

Prior to reading this book, I had been saying, for two years running, "this is the year of learning to set boundaries," but to no avail. Perhaps there were many reasons I was unable to implement the solution to so many of the problems that I had. But, unquestionably, after reading this book, I finally was able to start setting boundaries like a black belt! What difference did this book make? It explained why I felt so reluctant, so unjustified, in setting boundaries. I didn't own and respect my feelings, my gut responses, because, virtually for my entire life, I've been suppressing my feelings and redirecting them at the behest -- real or imagined -- of a narcissistic parent or partner. Today, because of my reading of this book, I make no apologies for the way I feel. And, because of that, I am swift and unapologetic in setting boundaries. Needless to say, my social circles have changed. But, undoubtedly, for the better. Two enthusiastic thumbs up!!

The Book to Start With

Read It! If you come from an emotionally dysfunctional family of any degree, this is the book to read. You will gain insights into why you carry feelings of worthlessness, why intimacy alludes you, why you feel driven . . . You will be given alternative ways to view yourself, to communicate with others, and to experience life. By the end of the book you will have the framework to realize the unique treasure that you truly are.The book is written (and priced) for professionals, but is very readable and user friendly. I wish I had come across it sooner. It would have saved me agonizing hours spent trying to pigeonhole my family's particular dysfunction(s). the Narcissistic family is the one with the parental system that for what ever reason - job streee, alcoholism, mental illness, sel-centered immaturity - centers around meeting the needs of the adults. It is the family that to some degree or another most of us grew up in. By reading Pressman's book and following the exercises, you can begin to fill the holes whether great or small in your own childhoood experience and begin to enjoy a fulfilling adult life.