The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life

by Stephan B. Poulter

Book Overview

Whether we acknowledge it or not, our mothers leave an indelible impression on the persons we become. Our ability to function emotionally in relationships - both personal and professional - is based on our mothers' deep influence. In a book full of insights and wisdom based on a career of helping others, acclaimed psychologist Stephan B. Poulter shows how the mother factor can work either for or against us. The key to allowing this important legacy...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1591026075
• ISBN13: 9781591026075
• Release Date: March 2008
• Publisher: Prometheus Books
• Length: 352 Pages
• Weight: 0.90 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.4" x 8.3"

Customer Reviews

Great Book

Like any great book, this one has its strengths and weaknesses. On the positive side, Poulter has a compassionate tone when addressing the reader; like a good therapist he is an unbiased arbiter who just wants to listen and help. The book has fun fill in the blank sections and self reflection sections, it's like having a private therapy session. He understands. He knows we are all different, listing several different perceptions we would have to our unique mothering styles. I liked the categories, like the perfectionist, who is the kind of woman who will not leave the house without full hair and make-up on. Underneath her shallow exterior, she is masking self-loathe and anxiety, which she passes down to her children. She is over-critical and has impossible standards, which make her children self-loathing, hyper critical of themselves and masking insecurities just like her. Then there is the Me First mom, who values social status and herself above all else. Her kids turn out to be ego strokers for their mom, and narcissistic in their own ways. For example, they may think they are above the law, don't think they have to follow the rules others have to follow and thus commit a lot of crimes, or they may fawn over celebrities because they appear better than others. The unpredictable mom is happy one minute and sad the next. Her children become emotional caretakers for her mood swings and develop into people pleasers and codependents. The Best Friend Mom refuses to discipline or set boundaries for her children, fearing that she will become an authority figure. This is the mom who goes to bars, gets trashed and picks up men with her daughter. She is unconsciously abandoning her children. Her children tend to be resentful and seek mother figures through surrogates in their lives. There are no "monster" mothers in this book (like serial killer moms, etc). The book was intended for a general public, people with more prosaic conflicts with their mothers. On the negative side, it is a "pop" psychology book. It is not like taking a class, with power point slides and theoretical implications. I am a wonk, so I missed out on that aspect and hungered for him to dig deeper into the human psyche. However, if you hate textbooks and power point slides and want a light but insightful read, then this is the book for you.

brilliant book!

This is a book everyone who's intersted in self-empowerment/transformation needs to read and study. In reading this book, I gathered more insight than I've ever read anywhere. I became painly aware of how damaging not having a solid mother figure can have on an individual. What I read explains many of the problems I've had/am having today. The most important thing is to realize how one's mother is a template for how we bond and relate to others as adults. After knowing this, we are better equipped to "re-write" or "re-design" this template. This book can be life changing if you use it right.

A mother's 'style' influences adults lifelong

THE MOTHER FACTOR: HOW YOUR MOTHER'S EMOTIONAL LEGACY IMPACTS YOUR LIFE is based on the author's psychology practice and shows how a mother's influence can work either for or against us. A mother's 'style' influences adults lifelong: THE MOTHER FACTOR illustrates these common styles, from perfectionism and best friends to the 'me first' mother, and illustrates combinations of traits in showing how adults can transcend the underlying messages to achieve mental health. General-interest lending collections will find it a popular read with an eye-catching cover.

Bonding Issues, self-help

This is a very intense book. It requires a lot of self-reflection and self-honesty. I found it very helpful for uncovering my "blind- spots" in my relationships with my foster-mothers. It is very worthwhile book to read if you are having trouble with bonding issues in relationships.

Great Insights Into My Relationship With My Mother!

I just finished reading The Mother Factor and really enjoyed the author's discussion of mothering styles and the kinds of emotional impact that our mothers have in our lives. Dr. Poulter offers a very comprehensive discussion of mother-child relationships and how we develop within this psychological context. I didn't expect the book to solve the issues I have with my mother - no one book will ever do that - but the points and illustrations were thought-provoking and new to me. This book challenges you to take an honest look at yourself and your relationships which is not always an easy task. I feel like I have a better grasp on some of the things that went on between my mother and myself and this will allow me to start the work I need to do on myself to move forward and create my own legacy. I highly recommend this book to men and women at any age!