The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women

by Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels

Book Overview

Taking readers on a provocative tour through thirty years of media images about mothers -- the superficial achievements of celebrity moms, the sensational coverage of dangerous day care, the media-manufactured "mommy wars" between working mothers and stay-at-home moms, and more -- The Mommy Myth contends that this "new momism" has been shaped by out-of-date mores, and that no matter how hard they try, women will never achieve it. In this must-read...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0743260465
• ISBN13: 9780743260466
• Release Date: February 2005
• Publisher: Free Press
• Length: 400 Pages
• Weight: 0.88 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.2" x 5.4" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Witty, incisive and liberating

The Mommy Myth successfully exposes the worship of the "perfect mother" that has resonated throughout society for decades, and which is now reaching a fever pitch--today's "good" mother is supposed to be able to raise perfectly behaved, genius children, look fabulous and thin, be a great wife, make her own pinecone wreath every Christmas and constantly repeat such things as "Being a mother is fabulous every minute of every day and I never get flustered, overwhelmed or feel like screaming at my kids". As most women know, loving your children does not preclude occasionally feeling like you want to go on vacation... alone. The authors frequently use humor and personal anecdotes to diffuse the loaded topic of ambivalence about being a mother, which, while it exists in the majority of women from time to time, is virtually ignored by society because it's an "undesirable" feeling for "good mothers" to have. Additionally, many great examples are drawn upon from our current pop culture, such as the glowing profiles of celebrity moms in magazines (who manage to stay a size 2 and say motherhood fulfills their every need while they simultaneously pay two nannies to stay home with the babies while they fly to Paris and make a movie), who are held up as such impossible ideals that the rest of us can only become more frustrated and feel more inadequate. Some reviews have remarked that the authors have an obvious bias towards stay-at-home moms; I feel that the underlying point of the book is that women should be able to do whatever they want with their lives without judgment from society or the archetype of a "good mother" hanging over their heads. That is, if you're the kind of stay-at-home mother who really does look gorgeous while vacuuming and who never raises her voice just because motherhood is easy and unconflicted, then you're very lucky and talented. However, I think if the authors are a bit biased, this occurs mainly because they are fighting so hard against the concept of the perfect mother--and usually the idea of the perfect mother is a stay-at-home mom. Overall, I think this "bias" should not undermine the value of this smart and funny book--highly recommended!

A victory for all mothers

This is without a doubt one of my all time favorite books. This book is a victory for all mothers. I stay at home, but I love this book because it points out how little our government has done to support families. The authors make great arguements against both the media and the government. It is obivious the mommy wars were started by the media. This book did a great job showing that. There is a section that discusses the language used by the media to describe certain groups of mothers. When discussing women who stay home the familiar and warm mom is used as in Soccer Mom and Stay-at-Home Mom. The media then uses the colder mother for Working Mothers and Welfare Mothers. That part of the book was very eye opening for me. One of the biggest disappointments for me becoming a mother was realizing that motherhood is like 7th grade. Women are still being catty and picking on one another rather than using our time and strength to help one another. Every mother should read this book even if you don't agree with every chapter. It might help us respect one another.

A book whose time has come

A straight-talking critique of the Cult of the Perfect Mom, told with a healthy dollop of exasperation. The authors deconstruct this image -- peddled relentlessly by our media -- and assert that it's OK if you don't love parenting every minute. This is *not* an argument against having kids or loving them! The authors are simply trying to let the millions of guilt-ridden moms in this country off the hook, because being a parent isn't easy and it's so much harder when the media suggests otherwise. How this message can be perceived as "anti-child," as a number of reviewers here seem to suggest, is beyond me. So many mothers blame themselves if they aren't euphoric over every dirty diaper and spilled sippy cup. We believe the problem is within *us* and that if we only tried harder, we'd fit those media images. Why aren't we looking at the ways society fails to support mothers -- and fathers? Corporate America and the government get off scott-free, when in reality these institutions could be doing so much more to truly support families. "The Mommy Myth" shines a light on these unasked questions, and encourages mothers to stop blaming themselves and demand more from the institutions that benefit from our efforts to raise responsible, productive future workers and citizens.

Waving my white flag in the so-called "Mommy war"

This is a terrific book, both droll and pithy. You don't have to agree with every point the authors make, but they do make a convincing argument that the unrealistic standards set by the "Mommy wars" pit mother against mother, instead of allowing us to unite and find common ground.

A social commentary - not a parenting book

This book is written with refreshing honesty and great depth of knowledge and consideration of context and history. I don't believe that this book's intent is to "let mothers off the hook." It is simply a very well researched and well constructed social commentary about a subject that is extremely volatile and systematically overlooked. if you are looking for a parenting book, as some of the reviewers appear to be, then you will be dissapointed. this is a book by women about being a woman in the complex and often conflicted world in which we all must live. i can't recommend this book more and offer my appreciation and congratulations to the authors.