The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need: Repress Your Anger, Think Negatively, Be a Good Blamer, and Throttle Your Inner Child

by Paul Pearsall

Book Overview

"You can't love someone until you learn to love yourself." "Being healthy means being in touch with your feelings." "Never lose hope." These are self-evident truths, right?Wrong charges best-selling... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0465054870
• ISBN13: 9780465054879
• Release Date: January 2007
• Publisher: Basic Books
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.55 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.5" x 0.6" x 5.5"

Customer Reviews

will the real path to the good life stand up?

If I had to hear that old saw, "doing the best (s)he could" one more time, I was going to scream. Was Hitler doing the best he could? I hardly think so. Too many people seem to hide behind support groups, addictions, inner children running rampant, and myriad rationalizations why they can't or won't actually get down to it and just grow into mature, responsible, loving/lovable people. I found this book while sifting through my library for books to sell, and am delighted with it. To put it simply, it is a relief to read a book that is not a typical self-help book. Dr. Paul Pearsall is "an internationally recognized neuropsychologist." He isn't Oprah, Dr. Phil, Carolyn Myss, he didn't write "The Secret" or any one of the number of mind-stunting books that flood the marketplace and populate the bookshelves of too many people. He has genuine credentials in his field and actually writes about productive actions for a new way of looking at yourself that don't involve psychobabble. He isn't touchy-feely, feelgood, co-dependency, addiction counseling, or bromide based. He's hilarious, challenging, and can back up what he says with common sense. He's the skeptics' guide to growth. For example, in chapter 2, he offers his alternative "facts of life": lose hope, give up, think sad thoughts, settle for second (or third or sixth) best, don't "work through" your grief, be a pessimist, don't try to discover your personal power, don't believe in yourself, men aren't from Mars women aren't from Venus, and most important to me personally, you're not a victim. He presents many more anti-bromides that came as a big relief to me. He reminds us that intuitiion can be wrong, a "prove it" mindset separates us from the herd, and becoming a contrarian makes a lot of sense. One of his better suggestions was to seek out someone who would never purchase the book you're looking at and ask them to review it. Sticking with those who are fanatics for an author, idea, or philosophy usually leads to handicapped thinking. There are so many "what a relief" moments in this book - it's refreshing, mindful, (he discusses briefly the Buddhist Four Noble Truths to illustrate how to be a realist and what causes our suffering), and straight shooting. Not for the easily offended or those who use words like "resonate" outside of physics.

Refreshing antidote to too much positive thinking

Fat? Unhappy? Looking for love? With 20,000 plus self-help titles on the shelves, people are still overweight, suicidal and unfulfilled. Neuropsychologist Paul Pearsall debunks the promises of the self-help genre. He exhorts you to treat it skeptically, being mindfully aware of whether its counsel fits your life. This is probably not the "last self-help book you'll ever need;" it's certainly not the last self-help book Dr. Pearsall is likely to write (and he writes well, so that's fine). However, it will make you think and help you gain perspective on "self-helpism." Quit obsessing about the future and what you don't have. Seize the moment. A life well-lived must, in fact, be authentically lived, not just contemplated. We advocate Pearsall's contrary point of view as the antidote to way too much positive thinking.

An excellent succinct contrarian view of psychotherapeutic bromides!

Nowhere is the inclination to substitute cliches for substative thought more evident than in the self-help therapeutic culture. "Love should not be conditional" we are told sonorously by TV "experts." "Be all that you can be," "live up to your full potential," "nurture and understand your inner child," "express your anger," and my personal favorite, "we are all victims" are just a few of the silly old chestnuts that masquerade as legitimate advice. And of course sometimes there is an element of truth hiding somewhere in these hoary old sayings. But more often than not they are accepted as gospel and repeated ad nauseum until they've gained general acceptance despite being patently wrong most of the time. Pearsall explores these and other hackneyed canards and exposes them to the light of the scientific method. Deep down, haven't most people suspected that many of these fabrications are utterly bogus? Pearsall says that the cornerstone of the self-help culture, the addiction paradigm is also a flawed construct. Only 5% (FIVE!!) of people in Alcoholics Anonymous succeed. This, according to their own literature. The famous 12 step program is unsuccessful in NINTY FIVE percent of cases!! Something's gotta be wrong with that particular picture! Have you ever considered the possibility that this is as good as it gets? Well, it probably is, so why not sit back, relax and enjoy yourself? We're wearing ourselves out trying to "be all that we can be" and living up to our potential. Ever consider the possiblity that perhaps some people are just naturally happier than others? One of things that makes people so darn unhappy is that they think they should be happier and more fulfilled. If you aren't skipping down the street every day whistling zippity-do-dah you're probably pretty normal. But more likely than not you can't understand why you aren't happier. Most people think they are "entitled" to more happiness and if they don't get it then by golly someone's going to pay. And all too often it is the hapless spouse that pays the price. Primarily, this book advocates being realistic in your life. If you've got the potential to become a concert pianist then by all means go for it. But if you are tone deaf, clumsy and simply loathe the piano then give yourself a break and take up something else that you are better suited for. Enjoy what you've got and what you are capable of. Derive happiness from your current situation and better appreicate those circumstances and those around you. Be realistic in your aspirations. There's nothing wrong with going for it, but again be realistic and recognize when to quit. Blindly forging ahead when you are not succeeding is as defeating as never trying something in the first place. Forget your inner child!! Learn to reach out to others and to behave as a mature adult. Do not succumb to the sirens call of victimhood and entitlement. NOTHING is more destructive to your happiness. The whole of th

Beyond the bromides of self-help into the pleasure of real life

Don't get stuck on the provocativeness of the title. I have enjoyed and admired Dr Pearsall's other books, and this one might be his best, yet. As usual, he backs up his assertions with plenty of notes and references to particular studies. And there is a fine index, which is a joy because I found myself often wanting to refer to earlier bits of the book. There were a number of "laugh out loud" moments of recognition: descriptions of family members that no one would choose, discussion of family as informal asylum, celebrations of human connectedness that give moments of delight even to difficult journeys. This book is also a primer in dealing with intractable realities. Positive thinking is not the answer to every situation; anyone who has borne a deep grief knows this. Dr Pearsall recognizes the paradoxes inherent in living fully and in becoming honest with ourselves. Life is sunshine and shadow, day and night. Those who feel guilty at not being able to think themselves well or at being unable to clear all negativity from one's life will find a healthy dose of relief here. It is all right, the author seems to say, to acknowledge that the night is dark and that daylight seems far away. A controversial aspect of this book will be its author's insistence that many incipient problems for individuals relate to over-emphasis on the individual in recent years. Codependence, for instance, might describe a functional, but difficult relationship; perhaps -- provocative idea, this -- we should be learning to care for others more than we care for ourselves. Maybe self-esteem is not only over-rated, but also might lead to unattractive deformities in personality. But lampooning some sacred cows is not the point of the book. Rather, the book reminds us that it is a wonderful life. Throughout each chapter we are invited to embrace the full wonder of it all.

Real Life is a Better Life

The Heart of the Last Self-Help Book is this -- Pearsall cites scientific evidence to challenge what he calls the McMorals of self-potentialism: the unsubstantiated prescriptions, programs, guarantees, and gurus that define our pursuit of The Good Life. Therefore this book becomes the newest contribution to the Realistic Psychology Movement, in contrast to the superficial be happy-ism of the Positive Psychology Movement. Possibly the best Realistic Psychology book (for real people) since The Positive Power of Negative Thinking. Beyond psychology, the more philosophically inclined might add The Myth of Sisyphus. Recommended for demonstrating that psychologists can be realistic.