The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection

by Robert Karen

Book Overview

A fascinating book about our struggle to forgive--and how we can--from a renowned psychologist and award-winning author.

Why do we harden our hearts, even against those we want to love? Why do we find it so hard to admit being wrong? Why are the worst grudges the ones we hold against ourselves? When we nurse our resentments, Robert Karen says, we are acting from an insecure aspect of the self that harbors unresolved pain from childhood...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0385488742
• ISBN13: 9780385488747
• Release Date: July 2003
• Publisher: Knopf Publishing Group
• Length: 304 Pages
• Weight: 0.57 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Not To Be Missed Or Dissed

Several morons have written lengthy reviews dissing this book. The fact is it is a well-written serious work on forgiveness. Dr. Professor Karen has obviously researched this subject in all its complexity and thought deeply about it. He has produced a meritorious work. It may not be the best book on the subject (I'd recommended Dr. Luskin's book), but Dr. Professor Karen has made a worthy contribution to the subject. I give it a 5, and I could certainly understand a critic giving it a 4 if he/she didn't like it. But a 2? Come on! That shows a vindictive person wrote it.

The Real story about what it takes to heal

As a psychiatrist with a spiritual background, I have read many books about healing emotional wounds. In this book, Robert Karen quite simply has provided the best summary of how we get wounded, and what is required to truly heal and move on. He is very articulate, very human, and very informned in his approach. For me, the book started a bit slowly, but it soon became a can't-put-it-down read. I am impressed with how he weaves traditional psychoanalytic theory (which I don't always agree with) with more contemporary ideas about the value of moving out of old emotional wounds (See Carolyn Myss, Why People Don't Heal and How They Can). I agree with other reviewers on this site, as I plan to order several copies and send them to people I care about.

The Forgiving Self

I've just finished reading this terrific book, and I'm ready to give it to my sister, my parents, a long list of friends and even (maybe) my ex-husband. Robert Karen is a wonderful writer. This book is like having a conversation with your most intelligent and intuitive friend, the one who tells it to you straight and also makes you laugh through your tears.Karen takes us to the deepest reaches and farthest frontiers of intimate relationships. Using novels and movies -- from Chaplin to Aldomovar, Shakespeare to Dostoevsky -- Karen holds up a mirror and exhibits us our universal struggles, as parents and children, siblings, friends, lovers and partners. Robert Karen is a great storyteller. This is most evident in the way he brings his own therapeutic practice to life. Moment-by-moment, he shows us his patients as they transform their disappointment, shame and rage to understanding, compassion, and love.I can't recommend this book enough. It's a gift!

The Forgiving Self

My husband and I read this book aloud to each other. As we read, it became the vehicle for lengthy and intense discussions about our own relationship and our relationship with others. The book goes way beyond forgiving; it provides insight into how we approach intimacy with the important people in our lives. The most important message is that we each have emotions from our childhood that we carry into our adult relationships, and once we are able to recognize them, we have the power to make profound changes in our lives with others. Dr. Karen uses not only his knowledge of psychoanalytic theory but real life examples from his clinical counseling along with tangible examples from literature and films. We highly recommend reading this book aloud with a significant other; it provides the foundations for a journey worth taking together.

Forgiveness Brings Peace

I didn't expect to carry old wounds and hurts from childhood into adulthood. Foolish on my part, but I hoped experience would bring peace and perhaps some understanding. Reading THE FORGIVING SELF helped me realize I not only carry the pain, but it influences the way I feel about myself today. What Robert Karen has achieved in his book is so important. In beautifully written prose, funny, charming and insightful, he helps us understand how to LET GO! To send the pain and hurt away for good. Or at least to come to terms with it. To accept that we had and have every right to be angry and hurt. But not to let it go on spoiling our life in the present.Karen helps us understand that to forgive those who have hurt us, to forgive ourselves for the pain we've caused others, and to accept our humanity, warts and all, is the road to true freedom of the heart and mind. PEACE, it's wonderful!GO FOR IT!