The Empty Room: Surviving the Loss of a Brother or Sister at Any Age

by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn

Book Overview

Ted is Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn's older brother, best friend, and the "ringmaster of her days." On a September morning when she is six, she wakes up and Ted is gone. Her parents explain that he went... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0743201515
• ISBN13: 9780743201513
• Release Date: July 2004
• Publisher: Scribner Book Company
• Length: 229 Pages
• Weight: 0.86 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.7" x 8.8"

Customer Reviews

Outstanding

I stumbled across this book at the library, threw it in my basket and assumed I would read a few pages before getting bored or turned off. (I've found that a lot of grief books tend to be too 'textbook' or too 'religious', or just way too sappy.) However, once I started this book I couldn't put it down, and I was upset when it was done, as I wanted to read more! My younger brother died 2 years ago, and my father died a year ago. Almost 8 years ago, I gave birth to twins - one of who died at age 8 months. Raeburn has a wonderful way of putting into words so much of what I have been feeling over the years regarding these losses - and how these losses have shaped the person I am now. I can't begin to tell you how nice it was to read that others had the same thoughts and fears as I do.

My own emtpy room

I picked this book up at the local library and could not put it down. I have also survived the loss of a sibling and could relate in every word that Ms. Raebern wrote. It seems that all who lose siblings at any age have a common thread and this book will help others who have not experienced this type of loss to understand our feelings and way of living after surviving a tragedy such as losing a sibling. I give Ms. Raebern more than 5 stars for understanding what it was that I went through and still live so many years later.

A Lifesaving Tool for Me

My girlfriend found this book online and bought it for me. My brother recently died on July 29th and I've been lost ever since. This book reads similar to my brother's illness (Aplastic Anemia) that ultimately killed him. The only part about this book that really didn't go along with the way I was feeling was the chapter on twins. The person she interviewed had his good points but I agree more with the author on the issue of who's grief is "worse". Everybody that knew the deceased should be allowed to grieve them equally. It's not a contest. I recommend this book to anyone who is grieving the loss of a sibling or is friends with someone who is. Even though you may not be experiencing a loss, there are some ways to equalize each person's grief over the lost person. Instead of saying this is your parents' loss or your sibling's family (if they are adult and married), this is your (the sibling's) loss too. I especially liked the resources in the back pages, there are a few helpful websites as well as several books and movies. This book can really save lives. I found myself unable to stop reading it. I finished it in just over two days and I felt a sense of calm. This book isn't a magical cure for the ailment of grief but it did help me, at least, begin to look at my grief as my grief and now I can begin my journey to finding and redefining who I am and who my sibling was. Thanks so much!

The Empty Room

I could not put this book down and I can't stop talking about it. The writer's grief, her ability to painfully reveal the extent of her loss from her brother's death while interviewing others who have lost siblings, some who have lost twins, was difficult to read without crying. By revealing her story and the stories of others who have lost siblings, she has reminded me to pay attention to my own siblings, our memories and our experiences. Her study of grief, is both terribly sad, and hopeful.

Groundbreaking memoir of sibling loss

This book is essential for anyone trying to cope with the loss or a brother or sister. I'm not aware of any other book that takes such a hard, honest, and brilliantly insightful look at this long-overlooked emotional crisis. DeVita-Raeburn tells the heartbreaking story of the loss of her older brother, who lived alone in a sterile room for 8 years, and died at 17. (He became one of the inspirations for the trivializing "bubble boy" movie some years ago.) At her brother's funeral, relatives and friends told her to be strong, because this was very hard for her parents. But what about her? For years she struggled to understand what for her was a profound loss, but one that psychologists and psychiatrists didn't recognize. Parents suffer when they lose a child; everyone knows their grief must be almost impossible to bear. But siblings are supposed to "get over it" somehow. They are supposed to be too young to suffer. DeVita-Raeburn destroys that myth with the stories of 77 people she interviewed who had lost siblings, most of whom had found it difficult or impossible to pick up the pieces of their lives after they'd lost a brother or sister. The loss was devastating not only when the lost sibling was a child, but when people lost a brother or a sister after spending many decades together. Anyone who has lost a brother or a sister, or who has friends or relatives coping with such a loss, should pick up this book today.