The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

by Beverly Engel

Book Overview

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out."
-Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0471454036
• ISBN13: 9780471454038
• Release Date: July 2003
• Publisher: Wiley
• Length: 272 Pages
• Weight: 0.81 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 6.2" x 9.3"

Customer Reviews

Finally, Help for the ABUSER!

When I recently discovered I had some emotionally abusive tendencies, I wanted to do something to STOP. The problem was, every resource I could find on abusive relationships was aimed at helping the VICTIM and painted the abuser as an incorrigible monster beyond redemption. They all just said to the victim: "Get out now! He'll never change." Now, I'm sure in some cases that's true, but I don't believe it's ALWAYS true. I think that, sometimes, an abuser CAN change if he's willing, and I was. What *I* needed was a resource for the ABUSER. Something that would help me and my partner work TOGETHER in HELPING me. Something to help us figure out WHY I was acting the way I was acting and to change it. However, as far as I could tell, such a resource didn't seem to exist. That was until my partner found this book for me. I was ASTONISHED at what I saw. This was the first book I've ever seen that actually tackles abuse from the perspective, not of dissolving the relationship and allowing the victim to escape, but of trying to REBUILD an abuse-damaged relationship and reestablish a healthy foundation for it to continue. This book paints the abuser, not as a horrible monster, but as a Human being who has simply made mistakes. This book tell you, IF you're willing to made an HONEST EFFORT to change, you CAN, and an abuse damaged relationship CAN be saved, provided BOTH parties are willing to WORK towards that goal. This book gives hope to BOTH: victim AND abuser. It's absolutely AMAZING. I STRONGLY recommend it for ANYONE who is in an abusive relationship, particularly if you'd rather work it out than split up. If your relationship can be saved, this book will tell you how. If it's beyond saving, this book will help you recognize that and give you the tools you need to get out and move on. Either way, it addresses BOTH sides of the relationship in a way no other book or resource I've ever seen does and I feel, on that basis, it's probably the strongest self-help resource I've EVER seen on relationship abuse.

More Gender-Balanced Than Other, Similar Books

Even though I am a woman recovering from emotional abuse, I appreciate the fact that the author took care to provide a more balanced view of emotional/verbal abuse and not automatically side with or exonerate women, unlike some other authors. Women have proven to be just as capable of abusing as men, even if it doesn't seem to play out in the statistics. I also appreciate the fact that there are a lot of exercises within the book that allow you to get proactive in your quest to break certain patterns in your own behavior (whether you are the abused or the abuser), as opposed to books that only "preach" at you. This book enabled me to deconstruct a pattern that started for me in childhood, to see how I was being abused and to see how I was being abusive as well. EXCELLENT read.

great book even if the relationship has ended

I had a very turbulent relationship and it was nothing like I'd every experienced. It left me feeling sad and depleted BUT I wouldn't let it go no matter what friends an family said or even what I knew I should do. We rarely had intimacy and I always felt guilty and like I needed to care for this person often at my own expense. When the relationship finally ended he was verbally abusive and threatened me (though not specifically) and said that I was going to pay for how I treated him. I bought this book after the relationship ended in an effort to understand what happened. As I read this book I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had been emotionally abused. Since the relationship had ended the most helpful aspects for me were reflecting and understanding what happened and learning to let go of the guilt I always felt even about the relationship ending and me not wanting to have this person in my life. I recommend this book. I'm not completely healed from it all but it has helped me understand things a lot more and helped me to move in a more positive direction in my life. I also appreciated the signs to spot an abuser so I can avoid that type of a relationship again.

This is the Best Book on the Subject!

As our relationship continually ran into difficulties, I knew something unhealthy was happening. I then read many books on the topic of abuse and control. This book not only describes and categorizes abuser and abusee, more importantly, it offers a guide to understand the cause as well as relavent corrective actions. Read this book!

Excellent Guide for Those Suffering The Pain of Abuse

I could not put this book down. Most "self-help" books lay on my shelf half read, but this one was a real page turner. The author does an excellent job describing the forms of emotional abuse and helps you understand the dynamics behind it. She also provides helpful information in the book for the abuser. The best part of her book is the information she provides at the end of the book for changing your life so you can begin to seek out healthy relationships. She provides concrete, tangible things you can do to help raise your self-esteem and to identify the warning signs in possible abusers!