Complete A**hole's Guide to Handlin

by Dan Indante and Karl Marx

Book Overview

Congratulations, man! By picking up The Complete A**hole's Guide to Handling Chicks, you are just pages away from finally understanding:

- How a five-dollar date can get you laid
- How to stop being friends with girls and start getting them in the sack
- Where you'll have the best odds of finding a one-night stand, and how to get rid of the chick the next morning
- How to trick a woman into thinking you're classy, even if you have holes in your underwear
- Why fat chicks always try to keep you from banging their hot friends, and how to finally stop these evil creatures
- How to stop your wife from nagging you into an early grave
- Why it's possible to watch six hours of football, put the moves on your neighbor's hot daughter, and leave the toilet seat up in the same day
- And much more

The Complete A**hole's Guide isn't like all the other candy-ass relationship books on the market; it doesn't cover issues like romance, love, and finding Miss Right. So, if that's what you're looking for, there are plenty of other books you can hide under your skirt as you skip out of the store. This book is about controlling the women in your life, and never having to say you're sorry . . . EVER AGAIN!

We'll take you from the day you're born to the day you die and show you how women can be manipulated, frustrated, and ultimately dominated throughout the course of a man's life. By illustrating the insanity of the female mind, we'll show you why the flawed chick psyche causes them to continuously fall for the a**hole, no matter how many times they get burned.

If you're not interested, that's fine. We're sure there are ballet classes you need to attend before your wine and cheese party. However, if you are ready, then grab a six-pack, order a pizza, and get your hand out of your pants because you're about to read the most perverse, sadistic, and hysterical relationship book ever written. Enjoy!

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0312310846
• ISBN13: 9780312310844
• Release Date: May 2003
• Publisher: St. Martins Press-3PL
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 0.15 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.5" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Stranger than fiction but mostly spot on!

This is without a doubt the funniest damn thing I have read in the last ten years written by two individuals who either learned or have always been animals with women. Their insights while many times exaggerated (one assumes for comic effect), are dead on target about 95% of the time. What these (and all other) players understand that girly men and wussies do not, is that it's not about brutalizing, injuring or manipulating women. It all about men giving away their personal power to women they are attracted to. It's not that women are attracted to bad boys, as much as bad boys possess many of the traits that women are attracted to. Women, especially beautiful women are approached constantly and are used to making most men uncomfortable as well as bend over backwards to gain their approval. So when they finally meets a man who doesn't cower, meets their every thrust and parry without missing a beat, doesn't shower them with compliments they've heard a hundred times and actually pokes fun at them........he separates himself from the rest of the pack (of mostly nancy boys and panty waists). Bad boys are generally confident, cocky and not easily intimidated (least of all by women). These guys (the authors) truly "get it" and if you take that much away from this masterpiece in disguise, you'll start "getting it" as well, more often than you ever have in your entire life! Buy the damn book!

Outrageous Fun.

I cannot think of any book that would more offend Big Feminism or the avatars of political correctness than this one. I'm not surprised that the authors used cover names when publishing it. The premise of the book is, unless you're rich or famous, you have to be a SOB to consistently pick up women. There is much truth in this assumption. That women are receptive to bad boys appears undeniable even if it is profoundly depressing to those of us who treat them kindly. The writers here want to teach their readers how to become a**holes so they can become more successful obtaining the pleasures that the opposite sex has to offer. In the case of this reviewer, however, it's too late. I seem to have a biological predisposition to being nice to women I like--this desire, I believe, is actually rather healthy but is counter-productive in the short-term. I do think that there is great humor in many of their rules, asides, and stories. Accusations of misogyny will (and have) be directed towards these guys, and, although I would like to defend them, I cannot. They make some sweeping generalizations that are not completely accurate, but I think that's all part of the Andrew Dice Clay tone they adopt. To them, it's all in good fun. It won't be to feministas, who complain on a daily basis about the average man's lack of submission, so one can only imagine the conniptions they'll have after reading this. Let's hope it becomes a classic in Womyn's Studies departments across the country.

Too much for my wife

A buddy of mine at work bought this book for me. I was reading it during our Christmas party and had about 10 guys around me cracking up. I'm sure the booze helped but one guy was laughing so hard, he threw up. I read it on the subway home and some guy next to me was leaning over my shoulder reading and laughing, too. He said he was going to go over to B & N and buy it immediately.So you've got about 12 guys in a row who thought this was the best thing since sliced bread. And then I got home.My wife took one look at it, threw it in the garbage, screamed at me for 20 minutes and vowed that she would never have sex with me again. I haven't talked to her since.Of course I went out the next day and bought another copy of the book and spend every morning commute laughing my behind off. Any book that can win me friends, impress my buddies AND GET RID OF MY SHREW OF A WIFE shouldn't just be rewarded with a solid review, it should get the Nobel Peace Prize, Pulitzer and Oscar all wrapped up in one. Buy the book, show it to your wife, get some peace and quiet for the first time.

Can't wait for the TV show

I just read a press release that Fox is developing a TV show based on this book. I kind of couldn't believe that a network would do a show for a book called "A**hole" so I figured it had to be something pretty unique.I bought the book and expected that it would be---well, I don't know what I expected but all I can tell you is that, if they pull off turning this book into a sitcom, it just might be the greatest show in the history of television. "Must see Thursday" may be moving on over to Fox.I was literally doubled over in laughter as I read this not quite pick-up guide, not quite life lesson guide, not quite idiot's guide. The authors have really turned the "relationship guide" premise on its ears. Most books I've read are about picking up people of the opposite sex, "getting laid" or other superficial stuff.This book is more like a primer on life - how you can get through situations that occur from the day that you're born until the day that you die. Most of it is not even about "handling chicks" as much as it is about the world that you live in as you pass through certain stages in your life. The chart about "firsts" in high school should be required reading for all incoming freshman. There is a test on what girl to marry that should be featured on Dr. Phil. And there are even some great hints on dealing with your wife after you've been married for 20 years. I have yet to find a book that can combine instruction on high school, college, 20s, 30s, marriage and divorce, make it all seem relevant, and be thigh-slapping funny at the same time.Like I said above, I cannot wait for the TV show that comes out of this. Another Seinfeld anyone?

You gotta be kiddin' me

If you're some dude who can't get lucky and you need advice on how to do it, DON'T BUY THIS BOOK. The advice is mostly made up and I doubt much of it will help. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If you have even an ounce of sense of humor and want to spend the next month with milk spurting out of your nose and your ribs separating from your body from the convulsions of laughter, buy the book right friggin' now. I don't have the words to describe how ridiculously hysterical this thing is. I saw it in a Barnes & Noble and couldn't believe they'd even sell it. When I opened the pig up, I laughed out loud on every single page I looked at.I took it home, AND I SWEAR TO GOD, my grandmother (68, but very cool) picked it up. I thought I was going to die. She went to the last chapter (Divorce and death) and she fell on the couch nearly crying she was laughing so hard. She was very excited to learn that you can have sex until the day you die.Anyway, long story short (too late for that) BUY THIS BOOK NOW FOR YOURSELF, YOUR WIFE, YOUR BROTHER, YOUR MISTRESS AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST. I gotta go sit down now - I'm still out of breath from cracking up while I was on the toilet.