The Cannibal's Wife: A Memoir

by Yvonne M. Maes and Bonita Slunder

Yvonne Maes takes you inside the world of a nun struggling with an overwhelming predicament, to explore the emotional and spiritual geography of an embattled religious life, to gain an understanding... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1928746039
• ISBN13: 9781928746034
• Release Date: January 1999
• Publisher: Herodias
• Length: 265 Pages
• Weight: 1.05 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.8" x 8.6"

Customer Reviews

Patterns of abuse

For me, this book showed clearly that it is children who are abused (sexually or emotionally) who are most vulnerable, as adults, to suffer similar abuse again--and remain silent. Unfortunately, I know many similar stories of sexual abuse by clergy and counselors who abused power over while pretending to serve those in their care. An example is a psychiatrist in a West European country, running an isolated clinic for women with psychosomatic problems, and "helping" his patients by forcing them into sex!The most horrible part is that, in all the cases I know, the victims of abuse called for help many, many times before anyone even believed their stories. It is the failure to find even a single suitably "enlightened witness" (in the words of Swiss psychiatrist Alice Miller) that in the end shocks me more than the instance of abuse. (Don't we all suspect that an abuser like Fr. Frank was himself victimized as a child?) It seemed to me that Fr. Frank's supervisor was also an abuser: he was hardly likely to have reported Fr. Frank. And also Fr. Stamp, before representing Sister Yvonne, had perpetrated sexual abuses on children... The web of abuse is very vast; many people in the clergy have a stake in keeping victims silenced.Sister Yvonne was deeply troubled that so few people believed and supported her when she finally told the story that had caused her to lose spirituality and optimism. I believe her; I know that her story needs retelling many times before healing can occur. It is for us to listen, again and again, even when the listening hurts us or the story seems old. This is the least we can do to break the pattern of abuse.For anyone with a similar history, I can recommend the books of Anne Wilson Schaef and those of Alice Miller (in translation from the Swiss German). For the Catholic Church, I wonder when it will notice the harm done in its treatment of women and children...

Why did the cannibal want to eat his wife anyway?

If we indeed believe that people "called" to religious service should strive to be paragons of moral vigilance, reading this book will lead one to inescapably conclude that the wrong person, in this case, was compelled to give up their religious responsibilities, in favor of letting a church retain a vain glorious womanizer as priest.The "cannibal" in this instance -- a priest who sexually and emotionally abused author, Yvonne Maes -- is still a so-called "man of God" while his victim is no longer a nun. Out of an apparent jealous need to squelch whatever in her noble service record reflects negatively on his deficiencies as a priest, Fr. Frank declares his sexual passion for Sister Yvonne, rapes her and then snidely belittles her protests until she is silenced into dazed compliance for a time. When she finally emerges from years of depressed submission to Fr. Frank's misogynistic take on "God's will" for them, Yvonne next suffers secondary abuse from a kangaroo ecclesiastical court, only convened to respond to her complaints in a proscribed and condescending way. (And fancy finding out later that the bishop acting as the diocesan equivalent of a district attorney is himself a sexual predator)The charade of justice includes one in-court confrontation between Yvonne and her former tormentor that is most awkward and wrenching for having been played out before moral arbiters who are themselves as much in conflict with their own sexuality as the nun and priest on trial. The priest admits he broke his vows of celibacy, but remains oblivious to the damage he did to Yvonne as a human being and colleague in religious service. For him, ultimate accountability is only an issue of admitting to a moral lapse, receiving absolution and continuing on as a priest. While Yvonne, who tried to take a moral stand, in exposing the abuse done to her leaves the church that failed to back her in that stand.When I was eight years old, I saw the movie "Song of Bernadette" and became enchanted with the idea of becoming a nun. But after reading Yvonne's heart-rending memoir, I know that as long as the Church retains these wolves in sheep's clothing who call themselves priests, I'd rather take my chances walking down a blind alley at 2 A.M. in a drug-infested part of town than play guessing games with wondering who's really a good priest and who's not!

The Cannibal's Wife

I don't generally like nonfiction/biography books, but The Cannibal's Wife is a sensitive, moving read. I only gave it 4 stars because the subject matter made me, well, disturbed. Nevertheless, I recommend it highly. Sometimes we need to be disturbed.

a cannibal's wife:a memoir

well very boring!at first I wanted to cr

Prepublication endorsement

The Cannibal's Wife is a searing, self-revealing, and frightening book. On a personal level, it is about sadomasochism, gender asymmetry, and abuse of power. On a social level, it is about institutional blindness and complicity. It is ironic that the church may be one of the last locations in which sexual harassment can be practiced without serious repercussion. It is a riveting read.--Margaret R. Miles Dean and Vice President for Academic Affairs The Graduate Theological Union, Berkeley, CA