The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth about Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage

by Cathi Hanauer

Book Overview

Virginia Woolf introduced us to the "Angel in the House", now prepare to meet... The Bitch In the House.

Women today have more choices than at any time in history, yet many smart, ambitious, contemporary women are finding themselves angry, dissatisfied, stressed out. Why are they dissatisfied? And what do they really want? These questions form the premise of this passionate, provocative, funny, searingly honest collection of original essays in which twenty-six women writers--ranging in age from twenty-four to sixty-five, single and childless or married with children or four times divorced--invite readers into their lives, minds, and bedrooms to talk about the choices they've made, what's working, and what's not.

With wit and humor, in prose as poetic and powerful as it is blunt and dead-on, these intriguing women offer details of their lives that they've never publicly revealed before, candidly sounding off on:

- The difficult decisions and compromises of living with lovers, marrying, staying single and having children

- The perpetual tug of war between love and work, family and career

- The struggle to simultaneously care for ailing parents and a young family

- The myth of co-parenting

- Dealing with helpless mates and needy toddlers

- The constrictions of traditional women's roles as well as the cliches of feminism

- Anger at laid-back live-in lovers content to live off a hardworking woman's checkbook

- Anger at being criticized for one's weight

- Anger directed at their mothers, right and wrong

- And-well-more anger...

"This book was born out of anger," begins Cathi Hanauer, but the end result is an intimate sharing of experience that will move, amuse, and enlighten. The Bitch in the House is a perfect companion for your students as they plot a course through the many voices of modern feminism. This is the sound of the collective voice of successful women today-in all their anger, grace, and glory.

From The Bitch In the House:

"I believed myself to be a feminist, and I vowed never to fall into the same trap of domestic boredom and servitude that I saw my mother as being fully entrenched in; never to settle for a life that was, as I saw it, lacking independence, authority, and respect." -E.S. Maduro, page 5

"Here are a few things people have said about me at the office: 'You're unflappable.' 'Are you ever in a bad mood?' Here are things people--okay, the members of my family--have said about me at home: ''Mommy is always grumpy.' 'Why are you so tense?' 'You're too mean to live in this house and I want you to go back to work for the rest of your life '" -Kristin van Ogtrop, page 161

"I didn't want to be a bad mother I wanted to be my mother-safe, protective, rational, calm-without giving up all my anger, because my anger fueled me." - Elissa Schappell, page 195

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060936460
• ISBN13: 9780060936464
• Release Date: August 2003
• Publisher: William Morrow & Company
• Length: 292 Pages
• Weight: 1.05 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.3" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

honest

I'm intrigued that so many feel that this collection of essays is somehow lacking in awareness. Yes, I agree that many of the authors seem privileged, but they haven't always been so, and most of them are conscious of their status, if not guilty because of it. They are attempting to reveal their inner thoughts, wants, fears--which means they might not always follow the "party line," whether that be of the compassionate woman, wife, mother, or feminist. It is this vulnerability, this abilty to show doubt at their comeptence in any of these roles, that I found refreshingly honest, even when their fears were not grounded in what might be pereceived by contemporary society as "rational" thought, in spite of the hyper-intellectualism and education they supposedly "suffer" from. It was a joy to read, and it was nice to see that others in conflict with their roles, with themselves, with society, are so willing to share it.

Made me feel normal!

Okay, so I'm feeling a little bitchy in my life right now, trying to keep it all together as a working professional, loving wife, and mom to two young boys. Yep, just a bit bitchy right now... just a teeny, tiny bit. And so it was a delightful emotional release to see that I'm NOT THE ONLY ONE out there who feels like this. That maybe I'm just a normal woman trying to get along in life, encouraged by the brave admissions of these women. From the first essay to the last, I felt like I was at a dinner party where we'd all just dropped our social masks and admitted how we really felt.

Fascinating, Must-Read for Just About Everyone I Know

Well, I'm not surprised by the various reactions to THE BITCH IN THE HOUSE. I bought this book after seeing it discussed on The Today Show. It is a collection of honest, funny, sad, illuminating and always-interesting essays by women from a wide variety of age groups. The essays are not meant to please the reader with platitudes about how great it is to be a wife and mom, but, rather, tell the truth (as these writers see it) about all the various stops along the path from young-womanhood to (hopefully) Grand Old Sage. So naturally there are essays that might rub some people the wrong way. I suspect those essays will be different for each reader. But I also believe that anyone who reads this book will find AT LEAST two or three essays well worth the price of the book. I loved Natalie Kusz's essay about being fat and being sort of OK with that. Ellen Gilchrist's essay on balancing work and family is a revelation. And who can't relate to Chitra Divakaruni's essay about being sick of playing host to houseguests?? It's a real and funny essay. I hope that readers will give this excellent, important book a chance. My husband even read it and loved it!

Amen, Sisters!

I realize this book was written by seemingly white, middle class Yankee women -- but it sure spoke to me, a black woman way down in the deep south.Obviously, I didn't relate to all of these women -- some I thought were a bit triffling and way too self-absorbed.But reading some of these stories was like reading my own journal, but more eloquently put, especially "Excuse me while I explode", and "How we became strangers".I was comforted to know that I'm not alone in my daily struggles to be a good Mom, wife, friend, daughter and co-worker. Just that fact alone helps me to exhale and be grateful for all of my plessings.

Bracing and illuminating

Anyone under 50 who doesn't relate to the issues raised in these essays -- work, marriage, children, and compromise -- is living in a bubble. Don't be put off by the title -- or by the common misrepresentation (like by Katie Couric on the Today Show) that it's the whining of women who seemingly "have it all." The point is, you CAN'T have it all, and have to try to forge happiness anyway. Crack it open and you won't put it down. My favorites include "Atilla the Honey I'm Home" about a woman who is ultra cool and competent at work and then comes home and takes out all her stress on her family. "How We Became Strangers" about the effect the arrival of a first child has on marital bliss. And "Crossing the Line in the Sand" about losing your temper with your kids. The book is organized in rough age order of the contributors, so it starts with women in their twenties just on the cusp of What The Future Holds, and ends with a few in their (60s?) about the roads taken and not. In between you have a wide range of experiences -- fidelity and not, equal parenting and not, successful relationships and not, getting married or not, feeling good about work or not. These aren't easy issues and the book confronts them head-on. The essayists don't provide solutions so much as comfort -- a community of like-minded souls who realize what we're all up against and are trying to make sense of it all.