The Bible According to Mark Twain: Irreverent Writings on Eden, Heaven, and the Flood by America's Master Satirist

by Mark Twain

Book Overview

An indispensable and provocative compilation of witty essays dealing with Biblical stories and their inconsistencies from America's master satirist, Mark Twain.The Bible According to Mark Twain is a... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0684824396
• Release Date: January 1996
• Publisher: Touchstone
• Length: 416 Pages
• Weight: 0.88 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.4" x 1.0" x 5.5"

Customer Reviews

The truth hurts

Its facinating how religious fanatics blindly believe every fairytale putforth in a fiction book written by early man with one hell of an imagination. Even when Mark Twain has ripped their world apart with deductive reasoning they will still hold on to their primitive beliefs with a vengence. Enuf of the soap box, I luv how this author gets deep into some of the Bibles fallicies and reveals it in a straight forward and sometimes comical manner. The story in paticular of God sending Moses to ravage the Midinaites slaughtering innocent men women and children even the livestock and houses and selling the young girls into prostitution has touched me deeply. Would I personally believe in a murderous vengefull God, Not unless I was brainwashed from early childhood and cud seriously overlook these atrocities and blindly believe everything I was force fed. I wud reccomend this book to every one sitting on a fence wondering and thinking about things that dont make sense. I cant get off that soap box.

Mark Twain's Take on Bible Stories

In this book Mark Twain aims his satire at favorite stories from the Old Testament. He worked on these essays for most of his life but was afraid their irreverent nature would damage his career, therefore, he just kept re-writing and re-editing them. Most of them were not published until after his death and for some this is their introduction. Adam and Eve, in their diaries, present bittersweet divergent stories of their dysfunctional relationship. Their accounts could be prototypes from a marriage counsellor's office, or short versions of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Captain Stormfield has a dream about ending up in Heaven when he thought he was going to the other place. "He was deeply religious, by nature and by the training of his mother, and a fluent swearer by the training of his father." In this original and inventive story, we learn all those things about heaven that were left out of the Bible - but would be included in an imaginary book, "How to experience Heaven in six weeks on $10 a day." An "Etiquette in the Afterlife" excerpt: "Do not try to show off. St. Peter dislikes it. The simpler you are dressed, the better it will please him. Above all things, avoid overdressing. A pair of spurs and a fig-leaf is plenty...leave your dog outside. Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay outside and the dog would go in." In the masterpiece, "Letters From The Earth," Satan has been temporarily expelled from heaven and is wandering around the universe. On a lark, he decides to visit earth, an outlying little spot in an outlying galaxy that God had once played around with for a few days. Satan is astounded at what he finds, and writes home: "This is a strange place, an extraordinary place, and interesting. There is nothing resembling it at home. The people are all insane, the other animals are all insane, the Earth is insane. Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God'...if I may put another strain on you - he thinks he is the Creator's pet. He believes the Creator's proud of him; sits up nights to admire him; yes, and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to Him, and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea? Fills his prayers with crude and bald and florid flatteries of Him, and thinks He sits and purrs over these extravagancies and enjoys them. He prays for help, and favor, and protection, every day; and does it with hopefulness and confidence, too, although no prayer of his has ever been answered...he thinks he's going to heaven! He has salaried teachers who tell him that. They also tell him there is a hell, of everlasting fire, and that he will go there if he doesn't keep the Commandments." Of course, Noah makes an entertaining appeara

Indispensable religious satire

Mark Twain promptly proves with this volume that he is, indeed, as the title states, "America's Master Satirist." Having grown up in a fundamentalist Presbyterian community, Twain knew his Bible well; and, like any thinking person, his beliefs and attitudes relating to it changed as he grew older, wiser, and more experienced. Although Twain - due to many factors, such as the death of several children and his wife and his failed investments - grew famously bitter towards the end of his life, his vision remained remarkably clear-headed, though clearly suffued with pessimism - indeed, his zest for the truth and absolute intolerance for mankind's accepted irrational beliefs became even more razor-sharp during this period. Although there are writings in this volume from all phases of Mark Twain's career, the majority of them do come from that latter period - a period in which, indeed, the exploration of these themes was the main facet of his writing. Included are such well-known items as the Diaries of Adam and Eve (as well as several other Old Testament characters), Captain Stormfield's Visit To Heaven (published here in full for the first time ever), and, of course, his masterpiece, Letters From The Earth. In these, and the other, oftentimes more obscure pieces, Twain burlesques and satarizes freely, calling mankind on both his steadfast taking to irrational and illogical beliefs, as well as on his sheer stupidity and gullibility. If one is looking for a satire along the lines of Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn, then this is DEFINITELY not the place to look; however, if you have a fondness, as I do, for the darker, more probing side of Twain, then this is a volume that you must most definitely pick up.

Surprisingly non-controversial

I am a very religious person, and I was somewhat skeptical about reading this book when I received it as a gift. My husband and I read each other the diaries of Adam and Eve, and by the end we were both so moved we cried. True, it is excellent satire, but it is hardly offensive. Mark Twain manages to weave in sincerity and bits of truth with his masterful parodies.

Without any doubt this book belongs on everyone's bookshelf.

Marvelous. Compelling. Funny. (How rare to review a new work by Mark Twain!) This book is rare, old scotch with just enough ice. It's a fine, black Connecticut cigar. It's a wide tie with a brave picture on it. It's a moonlit sail on the seas of time, and the distant rasping, drawling voice of God, winking at the human race through his prophet Samuel. Get it. Read it a little at a time. Hope like hell somebody finds some more papers out there in California that nobody has had the chance at, and that the small minded are at lunch and the office boy leaves them in the outbox and they, too, come to print while yet we live. No one can possibly get past the mythic Mark Twain to a deeper understanding of the great writer and his later passions without a thorough reading of the Eden stories, and an enjoyment of his darker humor. As an anthology, this book is a delight. But this work includes previously unpublished writings, and so it must be in any Twain lover's library. The author of this book is Clemens himself. The editors have, with appropriate reverence and irreverence, expanded the horizons of our understanding. Hoorays and war-whoops all round.