The Best Musicians' Jokes

by Carlo May, Bruno Kassel, Vruno Kassel

Book Overview

Contains more than 400 hilarious jokes about all musicians' and their respectivegenres; foreword written by the famous drummer Pete York This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0786673001
• ISBN13: 9780786673001
• Release Date: June 2015
• Publisher: Mel Bay Publications
• Length: 111 Pages
• Weight: 0.30 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 6.6" x 8.1"

Customer Reviews

Bruno Kassel, author of this book, writes:

Laughter is very important to musicians. You have to laugh about a career in which the more you learn to master your instrument the less likely you are to make a living playing it.We are bombarded every day by the media showing us that the way to success in music is to come up with a childishly simple song with as little melody and harmony as possible, a deafening machine generated beat and a thoroughly tasteless and negative lyric sung out of tune. This must be performed whilst jerking and writhing as if recently bitten by a sea-snake.Any languid and genuinely erotic movement will upset your target audience who are aged eight and a half.You may wear baggy clothing or scraps of leather, plastic, latex or, best of all, rubber. Any combination of these will appeal to the kiddies who have only just left the toilet training stages of life and remember fondly diapers and other garments of containment.The revealing of large areas of naked flesh will also increase your chances, especially if the skin is wet or oily. This will remind your viewer/listeners of the occasional failure of the aforementioned garments.So, my dear striving musician friends, follow my advice, make the millions and retire to Paradise Island before your twenty first birthday.Except you won't. Hopefully you'll laugh at the above example of cynical humour and go back to enjoying your instrument. Ignore the dross which MTV churns out and search for the best in MUSIC. Along the way you'll find the best in humour too, because musicians love to laugh about themselves. And that's the reason for this delightful little book.I would strongly advise every performing player to keep a copy close by because, if the power goes off, a string breaks, a lip splits, a drum stick cracks or the soprano swallows her false teeth, you can become a stand-up comedian for a few minutes until the show can go on.Some of the most amusing lines come out of real life situations. At least I hope they're true, they are so delicious. Here's how I heard them anyway.Highly experienced session singer, Lee Gibson, is sitting in an empty recording studio ready to begin her work. The Spice Girls march in and are outraged to see her sitting there.SPICE GIRLS (in dodgy harmony): "What do you think you're doing in here? This studio is booked for us. And who are you anyway?"LEE: "...I'm your voice!"Eric Clapton had dicided to change his band and summoned them all to explain his reasons, that the Eric Clapton Band as it had been known for several years would be no more. The excellent drummer was the good-humoured, Steve Ferrone.STEVE: "That's fine, Eric, but can we keep the name?"A fine group of English session guys have turned up to put down some tracks with Bob Dylan in a London studio, among them the tremendously experienced Scottish guitar giant, Jim Mullen. There is no sign of Bob. Hours go by and the great man doesn't appear. The musicians are becoming restless to say the least. Finally an American manager steps in to ad