Star-Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette (for Change)

by Judith Martin

Book Overview

In this "wryly perceptive, historically informed" (BookPage) new book, America's leading expert on civility reminds her Gentle Readers that when the Founding Fathers created a revolution in the name of individual liberty and equality, they also took a stand against hierarchical European etiquette in favor of simplicity over ceremony, and personal dignity over obsequiousness to our rulers. Hailed by George Will as "The National Bureau of Standards,"...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0393048616
• ISBN13: 9780393048612
• Release Date: November 2002
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
• Length: 319 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.8" x 8.6"

Customer Reviews

A review of the history of social behavior

Do you ever wonder whether Miss Manners gets tired of saying the same things over and over and over again? Just how many times do you suppose she can tell people that it's tacky to demand money from guests, or that you really do need to write an actual letter of appreciation to people (called "hosts") who save you the expense of meals and hotel accomodations when visiting, or that there is no polite way to do something which everyone agrees is rude and which the Gentle Reader specifically intends as an insult? This book is what Miss Manners wrote when she was tired of making the same announcements over and over and over again. It's NOT a collection of her newspaper columns. It's a history of manners in America. I have read the entire thing and am thrilled with it. It's funny, but not laugh-out-loud funny. The part of the Gentle Readers is played by the occasional historical characters, who aren't so much writing letters to Miss Manners as writing letters to each other, or getting themselves written up in newspaper accounts, and then leaving these reports carelessly lying around for posterity (us) to read decades and centuries later. What I liked best about this book was that it made me think about why our approach to teaching "multiculturalism" in public schools hasn't lived up to its promise of better inter-cultural understanding. We teach the trappings -- the secular and religious holidays like Cinco de Mayo or Eid al-Fitr, and occasionally a bit of geography, history, and costuming -- but we ignore the importance of everyday behaviors: Is it rude to look a person in the eye? Is it rude not to? Is it okay to wear short shorts to a funeral? And is that granny with the AARP discount card going to throw a temper tantrum if she thinks that you think that she's over the age of 40? Miss Manners argues convincingly here that America needs a basic, all-purpose, utilitarian set of behaviors so that people can go to the grocery store or otherwise live their private-public lives in America without offending the other people around them. I also appreciated the time she spends convincing her readers that there's no such thing as an "etiquette-free" life among humans. Your (and your neighbor's) dress, speech, and actions will always be interpreted as meaning something. She makes a compelling argument that we should collectively give up this notion that body language should be ignored, as well as that misguided notion that carefully chosen clothing styles "to express who I am!" should never be counted against us. (Apparently Miss Manners has had many letters cross her desk in which people complain that wearing "I'm a thief" clothing [or "I only care about sex" clothing, or "I sell drugs on the side" clothing, or "I'm dirty" clothing, or whatever] makes it harder for them to get hired into positions of trust, among other things.) Quite a number of reviewers seem to have expected this book to be more like her "Perfect Weddings" or "Excru

Miss Manners: who knew?

This is the best accounting of who we Americans are and why that is I've ever read. Considering the competition, that's saying something. It's also the most entertaining. She has an ingenious thesis, a comprehensive knowledge base, and a wit sharper than Mark Twain's (That's also saying something.). All this from, of all people, Miss Manners. Who knew?

equality and etiquette

The delightful Miss Manners, Judith Martin, delivers another highly entertaining, slyly witty book which combines present-day etiquette dilemmas with a history of American etiquette and sociological commentary on "re-inventing ourselves". The book reads easily, but don't be deceived into speeding through. Each articulately written paragraph can be savored and will be food for thought. Martin's historical perspective may open your eyes to such observations as that of Charles Dickens, who noted that southern ladies spoke like their black nurses. Martin notes that the slaves may have been well-mannered aristocrats in their own African societies, while the plantation owners may have come from lowly origins. She also writes of the task the Founding Fathers undertook: In setting up a new, democratic nation, of necessity they had to set up a new system of etiquette, one suited for a nation of equals. American etiquette is still evolving, as we live in a nation where every person is free to "make something of oneself",instead of being locked into a stagnant system of codes and behavior related to rigid economic class. American virtues, like enterprise, frankness, and friendliness, sometimes can present challenges to the polite restraint necessary to civilized behavior. Even the essential ideas of etiquette--being thoughtful of others and according them respect---can require careful calibration in such matters as being asked to buy an item you don't want just because a friend's child is selling it to benefit an organization. Kudoes to Judith Martin for another enlightening and fascinating book! Highly recommended.

At long last...

For the fans of Miss Manners, this is the one so long awaited. Instead of her typical format (q- & a, as seen in her columns,) this is the fruition of the ideas first presented in Common Courtesy. Rather than the how-tos of etiquette, she fully presents all the whys, whens and whats. An engaging combination of play, novel and history textbook, it's difficult to put down, while each paragraph could be digested three times over for the layers of meaning. It's exactly the little book one wants to leave about for others to infectiously read. No patriotic American can fail to lift his head up high after reading this. Unhitch the horses, boys, it's time to pull Miss Manners through the streets ourselves!