Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest

by Kenneth M. Adams

Book Overview

When a parent singles out a child for special privileges and attention, that child is often unaware that the relationship is unhealthy--even incestuous. As adults, these children struggle to feel... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1558741313
• ISBN13: 9781558741317
• Release Date: January 1991
• Publisher: Hci
• Length: 118 Pages
• Weight: 0.43 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

a clear guideline

Wow, very impressive! I read it from cover to cover, in one sitting. Just could not put it down. It is written in a clear and concise manner. Almost every word seems well selected and carefully considered to support the theme of the whole book. Very convincing with powerful logic. I have to admit when I was hesitant to order this book at the beginning. I thought, "What this says about me, if I need to read a book on this topic?" I felt uncomfortable to put myself in the category of covert incest victim. Several things which are happening in my life, made me decide to take a try. My career has experienced a setback for several years. I have difficulty in establishing a great long term relationship. And most immediately, I have dreams of being angry at my parents. Those dreams rarely occur, but when they do, once or twice a year, I find my whole body tighten up in anger when I wake up. I ask myself, if I can be so angry about something I don't understand, why not spend some time to understand what exactly makes me so angry? When the book arrived, I wrapped it up in a book cover to hide the name. I have to agree this is an uncomfortable topic and I do not want to be seen reading such a book in public. But let me tell you, this is one of the most important books I have read in years. It is neatly organized: First two chapters: -What is the silent seduction? -When is a child betrayed by a parent's love? Introduce the concept of silent seduction and general pattern. The next two chapters: -The man of the house -Daddy's little girl Talk about the specific situations in case of a mother and a son, and a father and a daughter. The author uses different cases to address different areas. It is quite specific. The following chapters: -When does sex become a hiding place? Discusses the impact on the victim's sexual feelings when the victim grows up. -The struggle to Commit Talk about the impact on relationships the victim will face as an adult The last chapter: -Towards Wholeness A short but comforting guide towards healing. When I was reading the first two chapters, I found myself nodding occasionally but suspicious. But when it got specific, my eyes grew wide, as I saw a step by step description of my life. It is as if the author had followed my life and summed it up in different cases. It is scary to see your life being so accurately depicted. As it was very late (midnight), I went to sleep. And I was sad. The author reminds in the last chapter that when we let it go, we would feel sadness. I turned back and forth on bed, feeling emptiness. The kind of emptiness you feel when you cannot find the purpose in life. The book made a very important point, that when we were treated as special by our parents, often it is perceived as love from our parents, and we hang on to it as the only and most powerful love we have experienced, but actually it is not love, it is an expression of needs of our parents. We were there merely to satisfy the emotion

The truth about covert and overt incest

I am a survivor of incest from the hands of my father. I was searching for a book to read on the topic when I ran across this book. At first I thought that it would not apply to me, but when reading this it gave me my first understanding to what happened to my by the hands of my father. When listening to profilers and how they catagorize different rape preditors I could not really place my father in any of the catagories. Once I read this book I realized that incest (especially from a parent) fits perfectly into the catagories of covert incest to overt incest. As a survivor I have come to the point that I would like to understand why I had suffered this type of violation in my childhood and life. I am really greatful for the insight of such doctors as Dr. Kenneth M. Adams. It was good to read that I was not the disfunctional one in my family but that my family as a whole was disfunctional. This book truly depicts how a relationship between a parent and child can and does cross the line to become very disruptive and at times criminal. A must read book if you are looking to understand incest. --C.J. Wilkes-- Author of "Daddy, I Forgive You"

Finally! A relief to understand!

The author describes in detail what kind of actions from a parent can create an inappropriate dependency from a child, the resulting feelings that can stay with the child and the patterns of behavior through adulthood that follow. Subtle things that might seem innocent in a parent's mind can actually cross a line into inappropriate territory with a child and his/her development. The child may feel "icky," but also privileged to have such special attention from the parent.The author offers advice for recovery and gives very clear statements about what must happen in order for the adult survivor of covert incest to make healthy changes and free him/herself from binding dependencies. I purchased this book based on a recommendation on a message board. Wow! I am filled with relief to suddenly realize why I feel this way and why there are these inexplicable patterns in my life. The biggest relief of all is to know I'm not alone and that my odd feelings about my parents are not unjustified. I read it and said, "Finally! Now I know what is wrong!"If you feel guilty about setting limits on your parents, this book is for you. If you are having difficulty connecting with your spouse and find yourself connecting more with your kids, please read this book.

Wow.

This is the single most powerful book I have read on what it means to grow up in a household where the parents are not fulfilling each other's emotional and physical needs. The children become the receptacle for all the frustrated sexual energy the parents are experiencing, even if they are not talking about it. This is exactly what happened to me -- the oldest daughter of an alcoholic and his angry wife. Finally, I understand the "ickiness" (the author's word) I still feel every time I am required to spend time with my parents. This book talks about the specific, sexualized emotions you experience while growing up in a dysfunctional home that don't get articulated because it's too squeamish to talk about them. And yet, it does so in a very safe and comforting manner. It's like getting the hug and shoulder to lean on that you never got growing up. Facing the truth of being emotionally used by one's parents is a sobering experience -- but oh what a relief to have these feelings explained and validated. I feel extraordinarily relieved to have read this book -- it gives me new hope for my present, my future and my marriage.

Changed my life, my husband's, my brother's and friends'

Many thanks to Ken Adams for this impressive look at the cause and effects of doting parents. It's much easier to put things in perspective when you understand why your mate cannot be intimate. This book helps to understand why these things happen. It provides important tools in taking back control and learning how to separate from parents who use their children to meet their own needs. 10 stars for this book.