Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn't Fit In- When to Worry and When Not to Worry

by Eileen Costello and Perri Klass

Book Overview

The toddler whose tantrums scare all the other kids on the playground . . . The three-year-old who ignores all his toys but seems passionately attached to the vacuum cleaner . . . The fourth-grade... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0345451430
• ISBN13: 9780345451439
• Release Date: August 2004
• Publisher: Ballantine Books
• Length: 402 Pages
• Weight: 0.78 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.2" x 0.9" x 5.5"

Customer Reviews

No one I think is in my tree

When I was a little kid, so-called "quirky" kids were just called "weirdo-" or worse- and ostracized. Now, the subtleties of developmental disorders and learning disabilities are better understood, and the kids get a diagnosis. But we all know how inexact this still is. The difference between a kid with Asperger's, pervasive developmental delay, nonverbal learning disorder, sensory integration dysfunction or attention deficit disorder might have something to do with the child's unique blend of strengths and weaknesses, but might also have a lot to do with what doctor is doing the diagnosing and through what particular lens they happen to see the world that week. It's just the limitations of the science at this point, but the good news is that that isn't the most important part of the story. Forget the labels. Let's just figure out how to help kids make the most of their strengths and best accommodate or compensate for their weaknesses. The concept of "quirky" kids is a nice one for getting beyond the distraction of diagnostic labels. Drs. Klass and Costello defend the term in their introduction but pointing out that it's "not pejorative. In fact, it's sometimes a compliment." It suggests unusual characteristics, "challenging yet often charming." Dr. Klass and Dr. Costello are not psychiatrists or child development experts. They are practicing primary-care pediatricians who are also parents. They appreciate the stress parents are under, and I think they strike the right tone in this book. Helpful, factual information is provided in a way that is mostly reassuring but also does not minimize legitimate obstacles. You don't want to patronize parents dealing with real issues, but overly anxious parenting is not in the best interest of the family either. There are reasons to be optimistic. While there are kids with profound disabilities out there, the quirky kids, those who would have gone undiagnosed a generation ago, mostly end up okay. As the authors point out, "adults are infinitely more accepting than children and teenagers," and quirky kids often thrive when they find a suitable niche in the adult world, whether it be academics, computers, or whatever other vocation where they can pursue their interests. So the goal is for parents to be educated. Not for parents to try and be experts, but for them to know the right questions to ask their children's doctors, to anticipate what types of situations will be particularly challenging for their children, to know how to talk about their children with relatives, friends, the babysitter. For parents to know that it doesn't make them bad parents if they get irritated and frustrated by their children at times. And for parents to remember to treasure their children for who they are, for the gifts and perspectives they bring to the world. Between best-selling books and internet sites, there is no shortage of information out there for parents, but it is a mixed bag. For my money, thi

Understanding, practical help for parents w/ difficult kids

This is one of those rare books that deserves more than 5 stars. As the mom of a challenging, hard-to-parent kid, this book was tremendously helpful and comforting. I only wish I'd read it five years ago, when I first started to feel as though my child was "different" and "quirky" but chalked it up to being a first-time mom and worrywart. The book does a great job of explaining different kinds of behavior that quirky kids exhibit; defines and distinguishes between different diagnoses that quirky kids may receive (like Asperger's, attention deficit and sensory integration); talks about real-world problems that arise while parenting a quirky kid; gives practical advice for how to handle troublesome behaviors and situations; offers guidance for getting quirky children the best, most effective education from infancy through the teen years; talks realistically about various therapies; and most of all, provides reassurance and comfort. I especially appreciated the quotes from real parents of quirky kids. If you've ever suspected your kid might be "different," "quirky" or "abnormal", if you've ever wondered whether your kid's troublesome behavior was normal or something more, if you've flirted with the idea of seeking professional help for a child you love, please read this book. You will be better able to distinguish between what may be a significant problem and what's just a stage, and you will find comfort, strength and hope for the journey ahead.

Great source of reassurance and information

I would have loved to have this book two years ago. My son, then just shy of 3, was sweet and rambunctious, but just a little bit off the normal developmental trajectories. He had a phenomenal memory (he could walk into a store in a different state we had visited only once years earlier and remember EXACTLY where the bathroom was...), but he showed little interest in playing with other kids and his speech was delayed. Our worries peaked when another parent at Isaac's gymnastics class turned to us, identified himself as a pediatrician, and asked us what therapies Isaac was receiving because it was "obvious" he was a special needs child. Needless to say, we were more than a little distraught at this off-the-cuff diagnosis and wound up spending the next several months having Isaac undergo various types of evaluation. He ultimately was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and has shown tremendous gains after receiving early intervention and speech therapy.Looking back over that confusing, scary time, when we feared that something was "wrong" with Isaac but didn't know what, I realize that our fear and uncertainty would have been greatly diminished had I known of and read "Quirky Kids." Indeed, I think this book would be most helpful to those parents who are just starting the journey toward diagnosis and treatment. Parents like myself who have long gone through the evaluation process and have read extensively on these topics, etc. will not find much new in this volume. That did not stop me from reading and enjoying the book, however; I just really wish I had read the book much earlier, as it would have helped me greatly in understanding what was going on with my son.There were several aspects of the book I thought were particularly strong. First, I was glad to see the authors devote so much time to the etiology of these disorders, and I was EXTREMELY glad to see them debunk several of the popular myths floating around (e.g., the MMR vaccine) regarding the causes of autism. I also found the section on common medications prescribed and their side effects to be very helpful; parents need full knowledge of the possible benefits and negative consequences of the medications that health professionals can sometimes be too eager to prescribe. The aspect of the book I found most helpful, however, was the authors' calm reassurance regarding children who fall under the diagnoses covered by the book. The title itself captures this feeling of reassurance: These children are "quirky," and as the authors stress repeatedly, these diagnoses are fairly new. As recently as 10 or 20 years ago, these children would not have received a diagnosis at all. This has important implications, and perhaps the authors could have pointed out more explicitly the Catch-22 that parents of quirky kids face today: Early intervention helps, but receiving such intervention entails attaching a diagnostic label to your child that could stigmatize him or her and last a lifetime. Perhaps the greates

Great Companion for Parents of Quirky Kids

This is a book for parents of kids whos have, or resemble those who have, any of several closely related disabilities: Asperger's Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disability - Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction. But it's about the kids, not the disorders.This is NOT the book to provide an in-depth understanding of any one of these diagnostic categories. For that purpose, a book more focused on whichever condition you're concerned about will probably serve you better. For example, my own favorite scholarly resource on Asperger's Syndrome is "Asperger Syndrome" (Guilford Press, 2000), a collection of articles edited by Drs. Klin, Volkmar and Sparrow of Yale.But what this book does so well is to serve as a wise, perceptive and sympathetic counselor and friend for parents of kids who are in this spectrum. It speaks respectfully and helpfully about the whole range of real-world issues, including schools, helpful and non-so-helpful friends, maintaining your own mental health, balancing the needs of multiple kids when one or more has exceptional needs, genuinely appreciating your kid's strengths and quirks, understanding the heartaches and long-term worries. The authors always seem to "get" that this quirkiness doesn't come in only one flavor, or even in only a few flavors. They address, frankly, realistically and with real understanding and compassion, the fears and worries that parents of these kids are experiencing.Where so many of the books I've read, and helping professionals with whom we've consulted, seem to illustrate the parable of the six blind men describing the elephant, Drs. Klass and Costello, the authors of "Quirky Kids," seem to see, and appreciate, the whole creature. I'm REALLY glad I found this book, and I warmly recommend it to parents of quirky kids.

A marvelous blend of expertise and compassion

This unique book is a must-read for all parents with quirky kids. Drs. Klass and Costello offer an excellent roadmap for parents at all stages of adaptation and learning, from the difficult and confusing period of their child's diagnosis up through their early adulthood. Throughout the book, the authors strike a skillful balance, gently urging parents to look on the bright side -- quirky kids can be quite interesting and entertaining -- while simultaneously acknowledging how painful and stressful it can be to have children who beat to such different drummers. The writing is wise and compassionate from first page to last.And there is much in this book for readers other than the parents of quirky kids. Clearly, it is a vital resource for all those who work with children, such as teachers and pediatricians. And it's a valuable read for others as well, from aunts and uncles to babysitters and little league coaches alike. As Klass and Costello make clear, quirky kids' lives would be much less stressful -- and less lonely -- if more people reacted with understanding and recognition, accepted their oddities, and/or offered a patient ear (if even to an hour of baseball statistics). This book is likely to inspire and assist many adults to be such a supportive figure. That will surely ease the lives of many quirky kids and their parents as well.