Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto

by Anneli Rufus

Book Overview

An essential defense of the people the world loves to revile -- the loners -- yet without whom it would be lost

The Buddha. Rene Descartes. Emily Dickinson. Greta Garbo. Bobby Fischer. J. D. Salinger: Loners, all -- along with as many as 25 percent of the world's population. Loners keep to themselves, and like it that way.

Yet in the press, in films, in folklore, and nearly everywhere one looks, loners are tagged as losers and...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1569245134
• ISBN13: 9781569245132
• Release Date: January 2003
• Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books
• Length: 320 Pages
• Weight: 0.71 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.5" x 8.1"

Customer Reviews

Nonloners, pseudoloners, & true loners should read, if only to understand the striking differences

Rufus really reclaims this often derisive term, and clarifies the difference between someone who just prefers their own company, and labels that would better apply to that monster on the news you're constantly being reassured didn't have any friends. I personally got a lot out of this book. Growing up I realized I was a bit different, had different strengths & weaknesses, but not exactly sure why. I knew I preferred solitude to group activities, but Rufus really connected a lot of dots for me here, and I'm thankful to her for it!

Read it Alone and Rejoice!

Finally an answer to a loner's prayers! We are not as strange as the world wants to make us out to be afterall.Anneli Rufus has done a magnificent job telling about life from a loner's perspective and making it all sound capable and NORMAL. She writes chapters on the loner in community, popular culture, films, advertising, friendships, love & sex, technology, art, literature, religion, sanity, crime, eccentricity, clothes, environment, solo adventures and at last childhood. The words are a true manifesto for a loner's hungry soul, finally another person who understands.In a world where loners are thought to be strange, crazy serial killers who cannot conform to society, Rufus encourages the idea that most loners in truth are the great creators and contemplators of the world. Issac Newton, Michaelangelo, writers, artists and philosophers become necessary human beings within all of their secretiveness. Instead of being arrogant attention getting hounds most loners create from the heart and give without a need for recognition, the truly unselfish can be found only in those selfish enough to enjoy being alone. I would have loved to have given this book to a teacher who I had as a child. I remember sitting in a room with my parents while they were told by the "teacher" that she felt I was somehow autistic and withdrawn and might need "special" education. Despite my A's, my ability to pay attention and my athletic ability I was labeled and marked as a failure in her eyes. I wonder how many children today are pegged as something they are not and guided in a wrong direction. It took me 40 years to figure out how unique and completely normal I really am but I would hope after reading this book many others could celebrate the adventure alot sooner. A must read for those of you with quiet, withdrawn children who would rather day dream than stand around with all the other cattle.

The menace of the herd

As a dyed-in-the-wool (and unrepentant) introvert, I wished, at first, that Anneli Rufus hadn't chosen the word "loner" for her title, linked as it is with inevitable prefix "crazed" in so many news stories of murderers on the loose. But that's exactly her point: Rufus is determined to rescue the word -- and more importantly, the reputation of the people the word accurately describes -- from the misinterpretations and calumnies heaped upon it, and us, for so long.It's an uphill fight, but it's definitely worth the effort. This book isn't one of the many attempts to offer introverts "coping skills" or networking tips for surviving with our sanity in an extroverted world. Instead, it's more of a call to extroverts out there to understand whom you're dealing with ... or more correctly, whom they're not dealing with ... and what we're all about.To do this, Rufus covers a wide range of history and popular culture, showing how introverts have carved out places for themselves and learned to live with at least some degree of peace, despite the constant tug of "caring" people crying, "Come out of your shell and live a little!" It may seem paradoxical for a loner to tell other loners "We're not alone," but in this instance, it's a surprisingly comforting message.Rufus's chapter on crime may be the most important, and the one with the widest implications outside the introvert community (so to speak), because it's here that she tackles the myth of the murderous loner and attempts to salvage the word from those who, she argues, misuse it so terribly.Loners, she says, are people who *want* to be alone. Who enjoy their solitude. But many of the criminals who have been tagged as "loners" don't fit that description at all. Many of them have been marginalized from society, and want to strike back at it. They want to impress others, and be accepted by those whose approval they crave. Or, like Mark David Chapman, the "pseudoloner" who killed John Lennon, they simply crave attention. There's no such thing as an "attention-seeking loner."There are other criminals, she argues, for whom the "loner" label doesn't even remotely fit, and she roundly criticizes the police profilers and news reporters who use the term so sloppily. Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City bomber, for example, wasn't a loner at all, though he's often described that way. Neither were the Columbine High School shooters, or Ted Bundy, or John Wayne Gacy, though all of them have been called "loners."Her point is an important one, if one many may dismiss as mere semantics. And it ties into her other important chapter, on raising loner children. If parents believe -- as many apparently do -- that any child who prefers to play by himself is liable to grow up to become a mass murderer, and therefore needs to be "cured," or "trained" out, of his introvert personality, life for that child is simply going to be hell. Though my situation growing up was hardly as extreme as some of the stories told here, I never

married and a loner

This book seems to address various loner aspects of people who tend to live alone. One thing I haven't found yet is what about married loners (which the author is). She mentioned a couple times about their home-life but not much.I haven't read the entire book (through 2/3 of it now) but wanted to post this message. As a loner person, I have always had trouble with my wife in terms of our relationship. She keeps saying that I don't love her because I don't "show it" by talking with her more, or spending more time with her. I do love her very much but it grates on her the way I am. If the act of talking is her measure of love, I have little chance. However, our family is great with great kids and all you'd ever want. Well, this book puts words to my feelings and I agree with much of it. I am a loner. This is not "bad" but different. What the wife and many people of the world must know is - we relish the time we have alone. We don't need to call a friend the moment that another friend leaves. Nor do we need constant human interation to be "happy". We don't hate social people or their actions. We just feel that much of it is "inconsequential". Introspectively, I am happy with myself - yet she questions my happiness and our love. This is what the book is written to show - the differences between loners and non-loners and how this gap can be closed by understanding.I am hoping to have my wife read this book and understand me more. It may even save our marriage.

Profound Contribution to Sociological Thought

Many thanks to Anneli Rufus for finally making me feel, for once, normal in that I enjoy spending time alone. This book is an incredible contribution to the study of human personality and behavior--but what shocks me most is how long it took anyone to say express these ideas! Rufus explores the common stereotypes of loners as misfits, criminals, and perverts, and debunks them by showing the valuable contributions loners have made to the creative arts, science, and technology. She challenges the assumption that it takes two to make a life event meaningful, and brings hope to those of us who may feel alone in our loner status. An important and enjoyable read for everyone, whether you consider yourself a loner or not!

Loners Unite!

Sometimes you wait your whole life to find a book that speaks directly to your heart. Party of One is that book for me! This world is full of loners...people who aren't shy, who aren't lonely, who just like to be by themselves...and never before has anyone even thought of them as a personality type worth discussing, much less defending! The sub-title says it all, this really is a manifesto for the loners of the world. Forget about Freud, forget about Jung, forget about the enneagram, forget about all the ways society has tried to classify and identify different types of people. This author has really hit the nail on the head. The world is divided into loners and "nonloners" (as she calls everyone else). And there's more loners than you think! Almost everyone's got a loner inside them too. I've never heard of this author before but she made me laugh, she made me sigh, and she made me feel like I had a place in this world. Very highly recommended for loners, "nonloners," and anyone else who thinks they know what they're talking about when it comes to human beings.