I was supposed to be partying with a bunch of celebrities in paradise this week, okay? But then I made one teeny, tiny error in judgement before leaving New York, and suddenly the paparazzi expected me to give a command performance as "the other man" in their straight celebrity "outing" of the week. Um, no, precious. So much no. Instead, I did what any self-respecting, secret-keeping man would do in that situation:...