Nobody's Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring and Comforting When Parents Die

by Barbara Bartocci

Book Overview

All grieving takes time. It can't be hurried or covered up. But grieving for a parent can be especially complicated. What if your relationship wasn't very good? What if there are unresolved issues?... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1893732215
• ISBN13: 9781893732216
• Release Date: October 2000
• Publisher: Sorin Books
• Length: 128 Pages
• Weight: 0.44 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 5.6" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Permission to grieve as I have needed to

My 88 year old dad died January 8, 2003. Although I was unable to look at his picture for a couple of months, I thought I was "handling it" just fine. Besides, although my mother was also suffering from dementia, she was obviously aware that Daddy was gone and I needed to concentrate on her. Then on May 7, 2003, Mama died - and I began to grieve. It was almost like losing them both the same day. I guess as long as my mother was still here, I still felt a connection to my dad as well. I never expected to hurt so badly. They were 88, in extremely poor health and had not been like the parents I had known for quite some time. But now they are gone.Even knowing this was coming and being 50 years old myself, I was still devastated. After I had finished everything with the memorial service and everyone had gone home, I began to realize how very bereft I was. I felt foolish having so much grief - after all, they were old and sick, better off now, etc., all of the usual platitudes. I have a strong religious faith and have no questions as to where they are now. I did not want them to continue suffering. And yet, I missed my mom and dad. I first read "The Orphaned Adult," which was extremely helpful and which I recommend. But I still seemed to be sadder than I thought I should be for a person losing parents later in life. I could no longer sleep through the night, if I got to sleep at all. I had thought about ordering this book for a while, but felt I was being too self indulgent. Finally I gave in and I am so thankful I did. Ms. Bartocci hit me "right where I lived." She put words to my sadness and gave me the permission to "still" feel sad. She describes grief as individual to each of us, which made me feel less of a "freak." As I said, I am not a "group help" person. This book, as another reviewer stated, was like having a group in my home. It has now been three months since my mother died. I still start to go to the phone to call her and I still cannot drive past the Alzheimer's unit where she and my daddy spent the last years of their amazing 67 year marriage. But, as Ms. Bartocci explained, I am having more "good days" than bad and am gradually able to talk about my parents without tearing up. Thank God for this book because her words encouraged me to allow myself to continue in my grief, gradually getting better, instead of making myself deny it,even to myself - which would probably have had dreadful consequences. I recommend this book with the highest recommendation and I want to thank the author for her kind heart and for being so open with her life so that she may help people like me.

A must for any adult who's lost a parent

When I was 12 years old, my father died six weeks after a massive heart attack. A month ago, four days before my 34th birthday, my mother died suddenly. I'm a late-comer and my siblings are a much older than me. They have their families. I have my career. Although my religious beliefs give me peace, there is still an immense sadness. I am not yet married, my beloved will never know my wonderful parents. Any children I may have will never know their maternal grandparents. Both of my grandfathers died before I was born, so this causes me grief for what my children who aren't even born yet have lost. This book is wonderful and helped me to understand different feelings that I've been having and let me know that these feelings are not unique.

It helped me reach a crossroads in my grief.

It is a "must read" for people who have lost a parent. I read this book in about an hour and a half. I could not put it down. It tuned in to a lot of how I was feeling after I lost my mother. After I read it, I realized some of the reasons I felt so lost. I knew I felt lost, I just couldn't explain it. The only thing I didn't like about it was it didn't spend much time addressing only children. I am an only child and most of the book spoke to people with siblings.

Compassionate Guidance

I'm grateful for this book's reminders to extract the essentials from the many aspects of caregiving--what will matter most to both parent and daughter, now and later. It's so easy to lose sight of the basics: just being present to another's journey, listening, honoring her timetable of denial and acceptance. This is a valuable book to read before you become exhausted and overwhelmed by caregiving, and to pick up often when you are in the midst of it.

Quiet, compassionate, and useful

Barbara Bartocci addresses an issue that baby boomers will soon face: the death of their parents. For many, unprepared to become the "older generation," the experience will be traumatic. It may also be an opportunity for spiritual growth. Barbara uses personal experience (she has lost many loved ones) and discussions with others to point up a wide range of reactions-from feeling a parent has died "too young," to grief that lasts beyond the "acceptable" period of time, to guilt arising out of relief at the passing. She validates all these emotions and gives valuable insights, as well as warm, sometimes humorous advice. In a sense, NOBODY'S CHILD ANYMORE can be used as a handbook. It is a practical reference as well as an uplifting lesson for difficult times.