No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction

by Debra Jay

Book Overview

"Detachment" has been the standard message of most addiction literature for the last twenty years. The conventional wisdom offered to an addict's loved ones has been to let the addict "hit bottom"... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0553383604
• ISBN13: 9780553383607
• Release Date: April 2006
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Length: 336 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 6.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

FInally!

I only wish that I'd found this book years ago as I started the journey of addiction with a family member. This book was my turning point. Clear, concise. I finally GOT alcoholism. It sank in and I thank this author from the depths of my heart for putting wisdom to pen to paper.

Back in touch and lessons learned

Borrowed this book from the library and after reading two chapters had to buy it! Sat with my highlighter and immersed myself in this book. I really liked the short chapters and the way Debra Jay makes this information so personal. There is so much information for everyone who has ever had someone in their life with an addiction. The information about how we are also immersed in this disease is invaluable. If you've never come to terms with addiction being a disease, read this book. If you want your lives to change, there's lot of information in this easy to read book.

NO MORE LETTING GO: THE SPIRITUALITY OF TAKING ACTION AGAINST ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION

This book is a must in the world that we live in today. It doesn't matter whether you are into alcohol or drugs being the reason for reading this book. Debra Jay talks about how we as family (even extended) can help each other in the terrifying reality of what happens to families who must live through the pain of addiction.

The absolute best book I've found!

This is the best book I've found on the topic of addiction. I liked it so much, I've bought multiple copies and handed them out to people in need. It is full of compassion and remarkably free of blame for both the person with the addiction and the family members who suffer the effects. Furthermore, it offers direction and hope rather than the advice to detach while the addiction takes your loved one down and you with him or her. This book is well-written (clear and concise) and easy to read (which is a good thing if you're in the chaos of an active addiction), but it is also thorough and profound. I especially like that Jay takes a detailed, but not overly-complicated look at the brain processes that lead to addiction, manipulation, hypervigilance, and other ill effects. The last portion gives information about putting together an intervention (and why talking to the addict on your own is likely to be met with frustration). Confronting an active addiction requires a group effort and careful planning. Debra and Jeff Jay's book "Love First" goes into greater detail about how to do an intervention. Both books are excellent, but I recommend this book over "Love First" as a starting point. Addiction is a medical issue, not a moral issue. It is a brain disease that causes immoral actions. Your loved one cannot pull themselves up by their bootstraps because, if they are addicted, they lack bootstraps! Even if your loved one is taking illegal drugs, it is likely they began taking drugs (illegal or legal) at a young age, before the decision-making area of their brain was fully developed. One point that I especially liked (and which has steered me away from divorce on several occasions) is that if it is the parent of your child that suffers from addiction, even if you divorce, you will still likely have to deal with him or her and the behavior that results from addiction, so perhaps seeking help is a better course of action than letting go. My one suggestion to Ms. Jay is to write a book on recovery and relapse. I hope one is in the works.

A new paradigm for families

Debra Jay has been on Oprah more than a few times. She's the blond lady with the glasses who is always so direct with addicts and their families. Her new book is a revelation. Basically, her idea is that there should be zero tolerance for untreated addiction in the family. After all, why should the alcoholic have the right to "hit bottom" in their own sweet time, when the family is suffering? She brings up an interesting analogy. Twenty-five years ago, drunk driving was tolerated. Bartenders even gave people to-go cups! Then, two women who had children killed by drunk drivers, started MADD and everything changed. Now, even the beer companies say "friends don't let friends drive drunk." Debra Jay is proposing that the same thing should happen with alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment works (it worked in my family) and so we should have zero tolerance for untreated addiction. She makes some good points about how an alcoholic is like a magician who uses misdirection to fool everyone. If you've ever tried to talk to an addict, you know how they blame everything and everybody but themselves. She shows how to take action to stop that kind of thing, and how to start organizing an intervention. If one of your family members is an alcoholic or a drug addict, you should read this book. It is amazing.