No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children

by Paul Coughlin

Book Overview

Living Bold as a Christ-like Man "Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for al men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome. After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable,...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 076420369X
• ISBN13: 9780764203695
• Release Date: March 2007
• Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
• Length: 224 Pages
• Weight: 0.64 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.6" x 8.3"

Customer Reviews

Book

Arrived on time Good book

Good vs. Nice not just for men

Excellent resource. Its only weakness is that it's written solely for one sex. Christian women in particular are taught pretty much from birth that niceness and submissiveness to everyone equates with goodness and godliness. So you get a bunch of agreeable women trying their hardest to be nice--instead of being honest, grappling frankly with issues and people, and being truly godly. I believe this niceness vs goodness conflict occurs for all Christians--but given our childhood training and the cultural pressures of the Christian subculture, today it's a bigger problem for women than for men. A frank, honest man is admired; a frank, honest woman is too outspoken, not properly respectful, etc. (Actual phrases spoken to me, while my very outspoken, headstrong husband was consistently praised and honored for being frank and honest.) Men and women both should read this book. All will benefit from its principles. Christian manhood needs to stand up and be counted--and Christian womanhood no less so. Recommended.

Christian men need to read

Thought this was a good read for Christian men who have lost themselves and need some advice on how to reclaim Christian male priorities. The advice sometimes comes close to going over the line into being a pushy, unloving Christian, but generally the writing is based on sound Biblical principle and revelation.

A must read for men & women!

Paul Coughlin's "No More Christian Nice Guy" goes to the heart of what's wrong with many men today. We've become too nice, too feminine, too passive. Paul Coughlin is a man I trust, having known him for 5 years now & being part of "Godmen" together has shown me Paul is true to what he writes about. Paul & his books have really challenged me to keep growing as a man of God to keep me growing into the fullness of godly manhood, a balanced manhood that's assertive, strong, the way Jesus really lived. Michael Brewer

Great Book for the Male Trained to Be Passive by A Church Culture

No More Christian Nice Guy is a book targetted toward men who have been convinced (either by family, a particular church, or both) that masculinity is a bad thing, that men are more sinful than women, and that men should embrace a passive stance. The first few chapters are reactionary and not very good. But, beginning with chapter 5, the book shines. Coughlin emphasizes the importance of male assertiveness, and explains how wimpy men ruin marriages. His chapter on, "We're men, not euncuhs" is excellent. Coughlin tells us there is nothing wrong with being male, and being a Biblical male is different from being the type of male some/many churches advocate. Scattered throughout the book are deep and meaningful quotations from the likes of C.S. Lewis and other deep thinkers. Though this book is written straight from the shoulder (the author's style is very masculine), and though certain aspects of it seem simplistic, other sections are deep and significant. Unlike Elderidge's work, Coughlin gives room for men to be different from him (he divides them into Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive). He is clearly targetting, "Christian Nice Guys" (passives) who have been tamed and forced into a feminine mold. The good points in this book are very good, to the point that they offset the bad points. What are the bad points? There are a number of inaccuracies in this book, and the author's own experiences color his perspective. Nonetheless, this book is worth reading. He embraces the mindless use of the term, "the church." But what is "the church?" It is a theological term for the entire family of true believers. What the author means -- and should say (as should countless others) is something like, "the churches with which I am familiar." Many pastors and congregations have worked hard to be a few cuts above; give us credit, will you? On page 61, I wrote my own comment, "Why doesn't this guy find a good church?" Although this book has its rough edges and a few glaring problems, it is overall an excellent book -- except for those who think they must agree with everything about a book. Such people probably need this book most of all!

Good men vs. nice guys

Years ago, I attended a Passion Play put on by a small church. The guy who played Christ walked through the part like an emotionless robot. Later he regretted showing his bare chest during the crucifixion scene, saying that, "I save it for my wife." It's this kind of limp attitude towards Christ and masculinity that "No More Christian Nice Guy" takes a stand against. The book is an entry into the "Wild At Heart" and "Tender Warrior" segment of the Christian men's genre. It's the author's contention that male believers have fallen prey to passivity, and also follow an emasculated parody of Christ. His strong face-offs against the Pharisees and other confrontational moments are ignored. Instead, today's "gentle Jesus" kind of man shows no emotion and has no backbone. Many believe that it's better to be a "Christian Nice Guy" (CNG) for the sake of "harmonious fellowship." Rebuke is labeled as "unloving," so people are allowed to continue along harmful paths without needed correction. Risks are avoided in favor of "praying about it first," so crucial ministries go unfilled. And Christian men seeking to be equally yoked are labeled as "predators" by sisters who consider dating a swear word. I've seen the damaging results of the CNG trend in the church as well, and even bought into some of it despite the protests of my conscience. The author, while praising the original goals of the feminist movement, blames it for shaming men into becoming CNGs. Ironically, modern women express dismay at the CNG, and either avoid dating them or regret marrying one. "No More Christian Nice Guy" calls for men to put on the strong masculinity that women find attractive, but leave behind the macho and chauvinist attitudes that dishonor them. Passive response is rejected in favor of being proactive for God's glory. Showing genuine emotion, taking courageous (not foolhardy) risks, and rebuking wrong behaviors are held up as exemplary behaviors that are helpful to others. Mr. Coughlin challenges those with a Y chromosome to be good men instead of nice guys. There seems to be a backlash building against the "CNG" phenomenon. I pray that "No More Christian Nice Guy" will continue that trend and encourage a generation of mighty Christian men to come forth.