No Hole in the Flame: A Memoir on Love and Grief in Poetry and Prose

by Maryhelen Snyder

No Synopsis Available.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0971434328
• ISBN13: 9780971434325
• Release Date: January 2003
• Publisher: Wildflower Press
• Length: 184 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Age Range: 12 years and up

Customer Reviews

Courageous

No Hole in the Flame is the most honest and courageous memoir I have read. The descriptions of a long relationship between the author and her husband enlightens those who have also struggled for connectedness and depth in a relationship. Among the delightful aspects are the descriptions of nature, the perspectives of the wife and the husband, and the insights gained from the comparison of Snyder's mother and her husband, Ross's mother. The integration of poetry and prose is perfectly done, as well. Some of my favorite lines include: "When we keep these secrets because of shame, we are more likely, not less, to continue all the patterns of hurtfulness, pretending goodness, while our genuine goodness remains occluded," "eagerness to tell the truth is to end the loneliness of shame and denial" (55). "In Russian...the word for hostility means not to see" (93). "love is either demonstrated or it isn't. The words don't make a difference," (133) and "a certain quality of listening is required for us to discover for ourselves what we think and feel." (132) These insights often come at a great cost. Snyder generously shares them with her readers.

No Hole in the Flame

What a privilege to read No Hole in the Flame. This is a must read for anyone over 50 who would like to remain in, or must face the loss of, a dynamic primary relationship.The book's organization is attractive. A poem, written by the author, is placed at the end of each chapter. This works well since each poem becomes clear and touching in the context the chapter provides. More important than organization is the writing itself. This brief memoire about loss insists on truths. The wisdom of vulnerable openness to the complex, powerful, and sometimes destructive ways we experience one another in intimate relationships is beautifully shared. Healthful thinking and problem solving goes on, with no omniscient speaker looking back at experience. Rather, Snyder struggles to unravel the sacred knots of closeness and intimacy from a position of ordinary humility. The writing is fresh and courageous with self disclosure. The love and care discussed in No Hole in the Flame makes clear that Snyder placed honest efforts to analyze what worked, what didn't work, and how to cope sensibly with grief in her marriage first when she decided to write this book. The result is a memoire that offers unassuming hope and reassurance through the anguish or grief that can accompany any couple who commits to personal growth together.