Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids

by Aviva Pflock, Devra Renner, Julie Bort

Book Overview

This book encourages parents to let go of unobtainable (and ill-advised) goals in favor of parenting philosophies that concentrate on the whole family.

Parents today try too hard to be superhuman, often sacrificing their own well-being -- and relationships with friends, family, even their spouses -- to meet the ever-increasing demands of their children's lives. Of course, such efforts inevitably fall short, and parents blame...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0814408702
• ISBN13: 9780814408704
• Release Date: April 2005
• Publisher: Amacom
• Length: 259 Pages
• Weight: 0.90 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.0" x 9.0"
• Age Range: 17 years and up
• Grade Range: Grade 12 and higher

Customer Reviews

Crammed Full of Powerful Content

Very few of us have ever gone through parenthood without serious feelings of guilt, and those feelings definitely have their impact on us. In addition, many of us are "carriers," dumping that guilt on others so that everyone around us shares our psychological problems. The authors of this book think that's silly. Mothers and fathers, usually with an emphasis on mothers (fathers have other problems) harbor deep-seated guilt that is really not necessary or appropriate. The authors explain this in page after fascinating page. In many cases, illustrating their points, they compare the non-guilt behavior with the guilt-laden response to situations. What a learning experience this book can be for all of us! I've already given it to my wife as a significant gift. I hope it will help! After reading Mommy Guilt, I told my wife about the authors' Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy: You must be willing to let some things go. Parenting is not a competitive sport. Look forward to the future and at the big picture. Don't become overly hung up on the here and now. Learn when and how to live in the moment. Get used to saying yet more often and being able to defend your no. Laugh a lot, especially with your children. Make sure you set aside specific time to have fun as a family. And, dear readers, that's only on page 17! Each of the principles is explained, with lots of examples that enable the pages to leap to life. As you might expect with this kind of a book, there's a survey in the appendix so you can test your own guilt ratio. Lots of explanation to help you understand the meanings and cures for your problems. And, a helpful tool all by itself, there's an Emergency Guilt-Relief Guide in the back of the book, right before the index. This one's a keeper! But...when you give it to someone as a gift-because you know they need it, do so with love instead of with "I told you so" as the underlying attitude. Guilt is tricky, and you'll learn a lot in these pages. PS--Valuable skills for the workplace, as well as family.

It's about time!

I wish I'd read a book like this when I was a new mom. I could have saved myself a lot of grief -- and guilt! I still feel a teensy bit guilty thinking of all the energy I've wasted on guilty feelings in past years when I could have been enjoying parenthood so much more. But no longer! Mommy Guilt has taught me that I really am doing OK as a parent. One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 8 "Guilt-Free Pleasure - Time with Your Spouse". It's something that is so important, and at the same time it is such a huge source of guilt for many moms. The "Wife Guilt-Free principles" in that chapter are in line with the "Mommy Guilt-free Principles" in the rest of the book and really get you thinking about what's good for your whole family, including you. The authors have an easy style and a way of making you feel like you're just talking with a good friend over coffee. I also appreciated the humor sprinkled throughout. Mommy Guilt gives you support and reassurance, so you can really enjoy being a parent instead of being overwhelmed by the small stuff.

Solid help for stressed moms

This is an excellent and practical resource for conscientious mothers who may be feeling pressured to perfection. In today's harried world, the women trying hardest to be a good mothers often end up overworked and overstressed. For moms who need to refocus their priorities to achieve balance, this book is invaluable. ~Susan Maltby L.A. Parent Woman Wise columnist

Every Mom should read this book

I found this book very useful with great tips on how to focus on what really matters. Also, it helped me realize my guilt feelings are normal and how I can deal with these feelings and make parenting more enjoyable. All moms should read this excellent book!

Ditch the guilt, keep the kids

Finally, a book that doesn't judge, preach or presume to have all the answers. No "my way or the highway" attitude. No labels. No guilt! It's simple, sane, subdued. It's the voice of reason and common sense from those in the trenches with us. The real-life examples come from the authors' lives or some of the 1,300 parents they surveyed. They show Mommy Guilt Scenarios (run late, get mad, yell at kids, feel guilty). Then they twist the lens just a hair and show Mommy Guilt-Free Scenarios (different ways to perceive and react that make more sense and less guilt). Simple. Powerful. They list Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy. The list looks like it should be cross-stitched, framed and hung in the kitchen next to the one about "sweeping and dusting can wait 'til tomorrow." Who really believes that? Well, they show how to apply each principle. The underlying message throughout is, "You are not alone. It's OK. You're doing a great job. Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty." One mother said, "Although I love my son, I hate changing diapers. I hate giving baths. I hate messy meal times. Then I hate myself for hating these things." Does anyone really love cleaning shrapnel from poop bombs? Does anyone really love stinking like poop, pee and puke? I think not. Here's the kicker: "The guilt trap frequently snaps shut when we second-guess ourselves." To me, this is worth the price of the book. Other things may speak to other readers, but this spoke to me. Second-guessing is what parenting guilt is all about for me. Will this book make everything better? No. Will it make us stop yelling? Probably not. But it will show us how to better equip ourselves to handle things responsibly without being crippled by guilt.