Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them

by Susan Forward, Joan Torres, Dr. Susan Forward and Joan Torres

Book Overview

Is this the way love is supposed to feel? - Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live and behave? - Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy? - Is he... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0553265075
• Release Date: May 1987
• Publisher: Bantam
• Length: 304 Pages
• Weight: 0.39 lbs.

Customer Reviews

Seriously passionate about this book

I am not this books target audience. I am not an unhappy woman in a unhappy marriage- I am a teenage girl who barely dates and is interested in gender studies and sociology. Let me tell you, I am obsessed with this book. Changed the way I view relationships, changed the way I interact with people, and wised me up to how gender roles affect relationships besides who's making money and who's cooking. It is a complete game changer that explained everyone's relationships around me, especially the ones that seem like an obvious "why is she with him?" I know everyone says this, but if any book should be required reading, it's this.

This book is a life saver!!!!

I absolutely love this book!!! It is very comforting as an abuse victim to read this and know that someone understands what I am going through and the hell I live in. Chapter 6 is very informative and I believe it could help people parent better to help prevent their son from becoming a misogynist however, I do think it is very important that we don’t let a persons childhood or past experiences become an excuse for abusing his wife and/or kids. We have to hold them accountable for their actions. If we don’t we cannot stop this unthinkable violence towards women and children. And it will repeat itself in future generations and have the ripple effect. We must hold abusers accountable and help victims break free. Regardless of the abusers past he must go through the hard work to end the abuse once and for all. No excuse is acceptable!!!! The list on pages 169-170 to know if you are in a relationship with a misogynist is very helpful. I like how she suggests writing a letter to your abuser that you will NOT send. Saying this is what you did to me…., this is how I felt about it…, this is how it affected my life…. Chapter 12 is amazing!!! Pages 208- are a must read for anyone in a relationship with a misogynist or an abusive person. Chapter 13 is a lifesaver!! This book would help victims of domestic abuse and anyone trying to understand or help them. I think all counselors, police officers, judges, lawyers, teachers and school staff would benefit greatly from reading this book! Other books I recommend for victims of domestic abuse: The Dance of Anger By Harriet Lerner Not to People like us By Susan Weitzan Why does he do that? By: Lundy Bancroft Codependent No More by Melody Beattie The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans 10 Lifesaving Principles for women in Difficult Relationships by Karla Downing Next Time, She’ll Be Dead by Ann Jones The New Codependency by Melody Beattie (Better than boundaries By Henry Cloud) Victory Over Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans When Love Goes Wrong by Susan Schechter and Ann Jones Too Good for Her Own Good by Claudia Bepko and Jo Ann Krestan Controlling People by Patricia Evan The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel The Verbally Abusive Man- Can He Change? By Patricia Evans It’s My Life Now by Megan Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock Wounded by words by Jeenie Gordan, Karen Kosman, & Susan Osborn 2nd half going back to abuse may be dangerous Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom Sweet Suffering: Woman as Victim by Natalie Shainess Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker Emotional Blackmail by Susan forward, Donna Frazier & Susan Frazier Books for someone helping a victim of domestic abuse: Not to People like us By Susan Weitzan Why does he do that? By: Lundy Bancroft Next Time, She’ll Be Dead by Ann Jones The Verbally Abusive Man- Can He Change? By Patricia Evans Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom Sweet Suffering: Woman as Victim by Natalie Shainess The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker

action steps

Like: it's like a manual on how men become a mysognist and women becomes a people pleaser. It give women tools to fix issue but recommends doing therapy as well. Its action oriented book so be ready to do the work.

When Love Hurts

You have to wonder when your in a relationship that is either euphoric or painful. Why does the person you love continually put you down, lie, treat you badly, or even takes to acts of physical aggression? Susan Forward does an excellent job of describing these types of relationships. Just because you are with a person who may act like this, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. Those who treat partners in intimate relationships badly are often the most seductive, persuasive, and romantic persons you will ever find. It is a shame that they do not stay just like you found them. These are individuals who must act out against you to feel better about themselves. She explains this type of person very well, she treats the victims role with compassion. I found that this book brought clarity to a relationship that I had with one of these type of people. When I met this person, I thought they were God's gift, and they walked on water; by the end of the relationship the lies, the verbal and emotional assaults out weighed any positive quality the relationship ever had. If you, or someone you love is in a similar type of relationship, I would urge you to read this book. It is fantastic. Susan Forward explains these types relationships so well, but better yet, she empowers the reader to take steps in regaining their own self back.

May have saved my life

This book gave me the clarity and strength to stay out of a horrifically abusive marriage. Had I not read this, and also "Christian Men Who Hate Women," I might have gone back to my misogynistic husband. It hit me like a bolt of lightning between the eyes--finally I saw that I was never the problem, and that "forgiving" him one more time and "trusting God" and crawling back would solve nothing! In my case, the abuse and misogyny were hidden behind a facade of religiosity which was nothing but a cover for my husband's lunacy. He made me feel guilty for not being a "submissive wife" and pulled the Bible on me a lot (like other men might pull a gun on their wives and with as much malice), but this book made me see that there was no difference between my husband and rank heathen who rip their wives apart with barrages of four-letter words. His heart and intent was the same, and the results were the same--the wholesale evisceration of myself as an individual soul, personality, and essence.I can't thank Susan Forward enough for explaining to me, in a way that I could understand, how my husband could be so wonderful one hour and so vicious the next, and that even though he claimed that he would be wonderful all the time if I would just change and be what he wanted, that was a load of crock.I now know that my husband had every one of the warning signs that he was about to cross over into physical violence--signs such as irrational jealousy of other men and "locking me down" to prevent me from going anywhere, and that I got out in the nick of time to save myself and my children. This book whetted my appetite for more books on domestic violence which shed even more life on my hellish marriage and my need for a divorce.Highly recommended

When he says: "They're all Whores"

If you are trying to "prove" how "good, loving, caring, genuine, interested, devoted, and loyal" you are to him, always to find yourslef being not good enough in the end, no matter how hard you try, or what you do, then this book is for you. This book will show you what you have put up with, and how to re-claim your SELF, by setting boundaries that are healthy, and deserved. If you are a guy who truly hates women, then this book will show you why, and how you can view the woman in front of you for who she genuinely is, rather than the blanket label you have attached to her based on previous negative experiences. It is eye opening in the pinpointing of behaviors, reactions, and patterns that cause us all to feel bad in the end. I highly recommend this book to any woman who loves a man she can never please,and any to man who does not "want to love" a woman.

Rite of Passage: Every woman I know gets burned once!

Every woman I have ever met has had at least one of these men enter their lives and undermine their self-confidence. Although I read this book many years ago, it is a benchmark against I measure all other relationship books. Every 18 year old girl should read this book, maybe their mothers too. This type of man is all too common and they are modern day vampires slowly draining the life out of their prey. My father killed my mother by grinding her down slowly day by day.She died of colon cancer to get away from my dad believing she was useless and no good, it was an untimely end, to a once self-confident, vibrante and talented women, she was 50. I got involved with one of these types of men and out of desperation I went hunting in the bookstore to find SOMETHING. I couldn't be alone in this I thought. Thanks, Susan you saved my life. These men are so charming, at first, they have such charming personalities,a dream come true, till you wake up in their nightmare. Many girls in our society have emotionally unavailable fathers and will do anything to get their fathers attention.Good grades and cartwheels just to get dad's attention and love. Those young girls replay this wound by being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. At first these men are very attentive and flattering, but it soon turns ugly.The dynamic is in place, reward and punishment. I have even SEEN and HEARD young boys teaching other boys to use the same ugly techniques as outline in this book to undermine a womans self-confedence and control her,eventually to destroy her. GET THIS BOOK.

This book Saved my Sanity!

Finally, a book that described my relationship perfectly. So many other books address men who are physically abusive, but what about those who slowly wear you down with manipulation and subtle verbal insults - men who have great jobs, men who everyone (outside the home) think are fabulous, men who are great friends to others and great workers. I live with someone who everyone else adores, but at home he turns into Mr. Hyde. He then blames me for his change in behavior. I thought I was alone (and it was indeed my fault) until I found this book. What a difference it has made in my life. I now know, without a doubt, that his behavior is not my fault. Susan's account of how men end up resenting women is right on for this relationship. And how they redirect their childhood experiences toward their intimate partners instead of where it should be directed. One writer says she thinks these relationships can be saved. The ONLY way they can be saved is for the men to realize how they got this way and be willing to do a huge amount of work to change their behaviors towards their intimate partners. If a man cannot do this, then the relationship cannot be saved. Why waste years of your life hoping a man will change. Susan says they don't don't suffer like the women they are with and I think that is true. For the first time in my life, I developed anxiety, depression, and significant weight gain from trying to "make him see the light". I now realize that it is not worth my health to try to get a man who has deep resentment towards women to change. I hope every woman in this situation realizes that, if you talk to the man about this and he does nothing consistently to change (counseling) than you are better off leaving and resuming a normal life where you can be truly happy. If you meet someone who seems too good to be true, check him out. Does he have broken relationships & marriages? How is his relationship with his mother? If you feel uneasy about him or he starts to put you down little by little or blames you for his behaviors at home - get Susan's book, then run for your life!