Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One

by John Gray

Book Overview

Is it possible to find love again after a breakup, death, or divorce?

The end of a relationship can sometimes feel like the end of the world. Devastation, loneliness, and bitterness are some emotions that exist due to a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one. But with the help of this compassionate guide, Dr. John Gray expresses that you will survive and tells you how to find love again.

While the process of healing is similar...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060175982
• ISBN13: 9780060175986
• Release Date: June 1998
• Publisher: Harper
• Length: 352 Pages
• Weight: 1.07 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.1" x 5.5" x 8.3"

Customer Reviews

If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book

Heard and enjoyed the taped version of MARS AND VENUS STARINGOVER by John Gray . . . the subtitle says it all: "A Practical Guidefor Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce or the Loss of a Loved One."If anybody finds himself or herself in any of those categories, thenrush out to get this book (or the tapes) . . . you'll find a lot of useful advice.The first third is general information . . . Gray then presents materialrelevant to women first, men second . . . I found the latter sectionparticularly valuable for what it had to say to me.Among the ideas that I got from listening: * The three steps for healing a broken bone are: getting help, resettingthe bone, and them giving it time to heal by protecting the bone ina cast. In a similar way, the three steps for healing the heart are:Step One: Getting helpStep Two: Grieving the lossStep Three: Becoming whole before getting involved again* [the four healing emotions]Healing Emotion 1: AngerFeeling then releasing anger reconnects us to our passion for love and life.Healing Emotion 2: SadnessFeeling and then releasing sadness opens our hearts to fell the sweetnessof love once againHealing Emotion 3: FearFeeling and then releasing fear provides the ability to discern what we needand can depend on now.Healing Emotion 4: SorrowFeeling and then releasing sorrow provides the ability to discern what ispossible.* Another way to process the four healing emotions is simply to askyourself these four questions. Often men find this an easier approachin the beginning. By answering these questions, our healing emotionsautomatically begin to come up. While answering these questions,give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, fear, sorrow, and anyother similar feelings.1. What happened?2. What didn't happen?3. What could happen?4. What can't happen?If you wish to explore a little deeper, there are a few more questions you canask and answer.QUESTION ONEWhat happened that you didn't want to happen?What is happening that you don't want to happen?What has happened that you do not like?QUESTION TWOWhat didn't happen that you wanted to happen?What is not happening that you want to happen?What should have happened?QUESTION THREEWhat could happen that you don't want to happen?What is important to you?What could happen that you want to happen?QUESTION FOURWhat can't happen that you want to happen?What can't happen that you wish could have happened?What can happen that you want to happen?By asking these four questions or practicing the three parts of the feelingbetter exercise, you will be better prepared to heal the waves of feeling that come from your loss. With this technique, you will be able to rememberyour partner without having to get stuck in painful feelings. With this insightand ability, you are free to stay in touch with your feelings and completethe healing process.

A wonderful guide, worth reading and rereading

Many books about divorce get as far as "this is a trauma" and "don't hurt the kids," and maybe give you the standard "positive thinking" advice - but this book goes into emotional machinery, and how to really grow and not just cope.There is much more to this book than a quick blurb can suggest, but one main point is: There are four negative emotions which need to be recognized in dealing with a major loss. These are fear, anger, sadness, and sorrow (grieving for hopes that are now impossible). It is easy to get stuck in one or two of these four, but the one of these we are not aware of is likely to be the hidden hook which is holding us back.He also has a great many practical observations about ways rebounding men and women injure ourselves and others - the first one is that men tend to get involved too soon, and women too late.This is a pop-psychology/self-help book, but don't underrate it - it's got enough to say (at least for divorced people) that I've reread it three times in the last month. ---------------

The Breakup Bible

What's refreshing about this book is that it does more than just say "Don't call him!" or "Hang out with your girlfriends more." It focuses on your emotions and how you can heal them so you can move on eventually and find love again. It actually validates your feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness and even calls them "healing emotions," necessary for healing your broken heart and moving on. Instead of telling you to completely forget about your former partner and not think about him/her all the time, he ENCOURAGES you to think about the good times and what you did as a couple. Gray goes into every emotion with great detail, and gives you plenty of exercises to bring them out so they can be healed. And as a woman, it's refreshing to read a breakup book that doesn't "male bash." It doesn't go on about why men can't commit, blah, blah, blah. Since it's for both men and women, it gives both sides of the story (and surprisingly--or not--we both go through pretty much the same thing!) . And it never says "there is no possibility you'll ever be with this person again, so get over it", but it does state you need to heal from the breakup first before considering getting back together with your former mate. This book will immensely change your life and the way you think about relationships. Most of all, it will help you get through a very painful part of your life...with your sanity intact!

WHAT - NO MORE STARS?

Life would be so much easier if everyone had a John Gray looking over their shoulder! As a counsellor, I have unending respect for Gray's expertise and success, As a reader, I find his books are a learning experience based on fact and mind-absorbing, leaving much food for thought. Based on my studies in psychology as well as one who did, in fact, start over many years ago, I can honestly say the information this author delivers may well be a lifeline in a turbulent sea of emotion. Considering the high divorce rate, the overwhelming number of relationships ending with the slamming of the door, and the vast number of individuals who experience the death of a partner, Gray's book gives hope and inspires. Grey's advice on focusing on love rather than loss is a first critical step. Denial is not a wonderful thing; acceptance is. With the closing of each door, the opportunity to open another follows. Accept the relationship for however beautiful it was, or wasn't, and move on. Take strength and knowledge from what you have learned and the time you shared together (no matter how long or short,)and use what you have learned to grow.Gray also looks at the differences between a man's reaction and a woman's reaction to starting over. Often, it is difficult for both men and women to trust again, or to simply pur the energy into starting over. By clinging to the past, you could be missing out on a life of happiness. When marriages end (legal or common-law) men often deal with this by attempting to recapture lost youth (depending on age) or by playing the carefree, no-strings-attached guy. Woman, on the other hand, often have a mental list of so many traits they do, or do not, want any future man to have (if indeed they ever want one at all, at this point) that they eliminate 99% of the men on Earth! Much of the frustration stems from our youthful days, of falling in love with an "image" of what we THINK a man or woman should be. Alas, in the real world, there are no perfect people; we all have imperfections and possess both strengths and weaknesses. Nothing in this life lasts forever, and life does not come with a guarantee we will always be happy.Gray's principles can also be applied to those who have lost a partner to death, many are afraid that no matter who they find in the future, they will never measure up to what they had. It is unfair to yourself, to deny yourself happiness in the future. Rest assured, your departed partner would want you to choose happiness over sorrow.Personally, and as a counsellor, if I was asked to recommend a book on starting over that is straight forward and written in plain, simple English everyone can understand, this would definitely be at the top of the list. I simply cannot say enough good words about "Mars and Venus Starting Over" or the author, John Grey; all his books are absolutely priceless. If your relationship is coming to an end, or has already ended, and regardless of gender or age, I highly recomme

Divorce is not the end but a new beginning.

The most painful and sad time of my life was when I was going through my divorce. Even though it was my decision to end the marriage, my heart literally ached and for months I cried everyday. I wondered, "why am I so sad and upset, this was my decision"...Mars and Venus Starting Over validated my feelings immediately. I learned that my sadness was part of the grieving I needed to go through. John Gray describes beautifully how your mind/head tells you one thing (I am doing the right thing by leaving), but your heart is still in another place. He explains how your head wants your heart to catch up to where your mind is...that's not possible. I learned how to allow myself to feel the pain, sadness, anger and then move on. John Grey also explains the loss of your love support...not only did I miss my husband, but I missed the "safety net" of the love I had every day when I came home. With that suddenly gone I was left with some very raw, painful emotions. I thought I hated my husband for lying, cheating and deceiving me. But through this book I realized I needed to feel those emotions in order to heal properly. I've emotionally forgiven my husband as a way to heal myself. I know I'm better off alone. I know I will find love again. Thank you John Gray!