Love That Works: Art & Science of Giving

by Bruce Brander

Book Overview

This original, highly readable book poses a clear distinction between our customary form of love, which almost guarantees failure, and higher, more generous ways of loving that can succeed and enrich both individuals and society as a whole. Love That Works draws on history, psychology, and the theology and science of love to offer a proposal on how to be successful in love and romance. It starts by showing why love fails to meet expectations, often...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1932031774
• ISBN13: 9781932031775
• Release Date: September 2004
• Publisher: Templeton Press
• Length: 128 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.5" x 8.7"

Customer Reviews

Its about time - a long overdue treatise

In my private practice as a board certified, Licensed Professional Counselor, I have become acutely aware of how confused most of my patients are about this thing called love. They will sit in my office and emphatically state how much they love their mate, the same mate they want to dump. Years ago, I had some education on how to identify love from my mentor but, after his death, I found myself wanting a second resource I could trust and share with those patients who asked for it. So much of what I found in the market place was shallow to the point of being misleading, thus adding more confusion to the issue. That all changed when I found this book. Based on the amazing thinking skills of the ancient Greeks, who were able to record their insights using one of the world's most precise languages, the author has brought to life the teaching of my mentor who, most certainly, had access to this same wisdom. He begins by supporting one of my own observations, that people today are being mentored by the media who, if we go by the tabloids at our grocery check out counters, are in deep trouble themselves. Many of my patients say that they know they are in love when there is "chemistry." There observation is valid, but not their conclusion. The author points out that there are three different uses of the term Love in Greek studies, but only one term is used in English, that being the word Love. We have other words which come kind of close to what the Greeks discovered, but we do not use them. The result is that we tend to rely on the "chemistry" to tell us whether we have "fallen in love" or not, but unfortunately the chemistry fades within 1 to 3 years. Then what? We spend the rest of our life trying to recapture that feeling of "chemistry," going to seminars, spending money on books, tapes, DVD lectures, etc., all to no avail. Solution? Break up and connect with someone new who generates the chemistry. The author reveals two other concepts for love. Both of them go far beyond the "chemistry" feeling to provide a lifetime of rewarding purpose in a relationship, a mature relationship that is able to survive all the stages of aging through which adults must pass. Both of these concepts have proven themselves over thousands of years of human testing. His chosen title includes the concept of "giving," another term with which I find my patients to be confused. If couples followed his guidance, learned how to give and to love, and put these into practice, I and my fellow therapists would have to get honest jobs - we would be out of work. His writing style impressed me. He builds on a well laid foundation of facts and observations, and does so in a way that did not seem labored to me. He kept it moving and just entertaining enough to keep the reader involved. I highly recommend this book and will be placing it on my website as an recommended read.

Solving the Riddles of Love

This book offers the kind of information I wish I'd known when I was 20 years old. It answers all the perennial questions about love to anyone's satisfaction: Exactly what is love? How do I know if I'm in love? Is this love or infatuation? And most of all, how can I love in a way that will benefit myself and everyone around me? Without being preachy or self-helpish, Love That Works approaches its complex topic from a background of broad knowledge and profound ethics. We find the history of love (yes, love has a past), the impotence of modern science to analyze love, and a clear picture of the dreadful trouble love is in today because it has lost its decency. So what to do? After we fall in love (and FALL we probably shall), we then can rise to higher, more generous forms of love. Other forms of love? And what are these? I always thought romance was the only game in town. But it's not. It's really the lowest, least mature form of love, selfish and ill-fated from the start. Romance is only beginner's love. It's positively infantile, crooning, "I want, I need, and therefore I love," It's so much Baby Love. Why do you imagine modern romancers call each other, "Baby?" The higher loves are largely forgotten in our time of "gimme-gimme what I cry for." They have been well known in other times and places, and they need to be relearned by anyone who wants love that works. The level above hungering romance is a sweet and devoted camaraderie, where people look out for each other's interests, happiness and welfare as much as for their own. People whose marriages succeed rise to this level of mutual concern. Of course, the highest level of love is no-strings-attached giving, the lofty unconditional love we see exemplified in Jesus and Gandhi and good mothers and can rise to ourselves if we try. As we aim for these higher forms of love, we find ourselves growing and maturing in our emotional-spiritual well-being. We become healthy, happy, warm and giving people and are successful not only in love but in life itself. What a message! What a revelation! I thank the author for his 30 years of research and treasure this well-written, informative and valuable book. Love, Doris Blanchard