Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years

by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger

Book Overview

The sixth edition of this classic parents' guide and college orientation staple has been thoroughly revised and updated to reflect the realities of college today.

For more than a decade, Letting Go has provided hundreds of thousands of parents with valuable insights, information, comfort, and guidance throughout the emotional and social changes of their children's college years--from the senior year in high school through...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0062400568
• ISBN13: 9780062400567
• Release Date: June 2016
• Publisher: William Morrow & Company
• Length: 464 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.1" x 5.4" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

A "Must Have" if your first born is leaving for college!

This is the best book! I use it as a resource, looking up the particular things I have questions about as I need them. When my son was leaving for school 1000 miles away, I read the section on "the Good-Bye" and it was so incredibly helpful! As a mom, I pictured things would go a certain way, and through reading, I realized that what I was picturing and what was actually going to happen was probably going to be radically different! And, the book was right --and I was prepared! I was so grateful for that --it saved me from feeling let down and empty when we drove away! It's such a realistic book, and it addresses the parents' feelings, while also giving us an insight into our student's feelings and why we all act and react as we do --it's right on the money! I've shared my book with friends who have seniors in High School this year, and so far, everyone has felt relieved to see that their (and their children's) feelings and actions are the same as others in the same boat. It has made our transition SO much easier, and so far, it's been a great freshman year for our son. He even said we were being cool about stuff and he appreciated that. (Wow!) So, I'd wholeheartedly recommend the book --it's like having a best friend advise you from their past experience.

You'll read it from the heart

Sending a child to college is an emotional experience. This book keys in to our concerns as parents, therefore, reading this book is a heartfelt experience. Each young man and woman is different and the book acknowledges this, thus avoiding broad generalizations. There are two parties who have to cope with the major change, the young adult heading off to college and, the parents. Certainly, there are many pitfalls for the student. He or she may be away from home for the first time. Some get very homesick while others thrive on their new found freedom. Some break into the academic routine whereas others feel overwhelmed and frightend. There are temptations for experimentation such as new sexual experiences, alcohol and illict drugs. In addition to the stress of academics, there are stresses in forming new relationships, both social and romantic. What this book brings out very well is that strating college is where a young person often seeks an identity and image. For example, someone who, perhaps, had the reputation of being a "nerd" in high school has a new group of contemporaries with whom to start with a fresh slate and perhaps come across as "cool." Thus, young people are often discovering themselves and their identities. As parents, we have to help guide our children through their new experiences. This basically means, for the most part, leaving them alone and allowing them to make their own decisions. However, always be there when needed. The book gives the example of students who go off to college and parents rarely hear from them. The conversations they do have are often superficial. Then all of a sudden, the student calls and has a very close and intimate conversation. This is normal. The student may thrive on being on his/her own but then, certain pressures may make him/her feel a little lonely and in need of family. After reading this book I said the following to my son when I was about to leave him : "I have often told you what to do and if there was an argument, I said 'it's not your decision to make.' Well, now, I may give you advice but, for the first time, you can cut me off and say 'it's not your decision to make.'" Certainly, those words to my son were a little bittersweet and this very fine book has, a lot in it that will bring out that emotion in its readers.

A great book for parents of High School teens

I received this book as a gift when my son was a junior in high school. He is now graduated from college and my daughter is a college sophmore. This book is the BEST parenting book I have ever read during all my years as a parent. Both my kids are very different yet this book touched on each of their challenges with practical and thoughtful advice as to how to address the different phases that each child went through. Many times, I followed their guidance, sometimes not sure if it would work, and was always pleased when it did! I give this gift to all my friends who are at this stage and always get an enthusiastic response after they have read it. It was truly my guidebook for these years and is dogeared from use! I highly recommend this book!

you are not alone

This book and When Your Kid Goes to College were worth many hours of therapy during the late summer and early fall of my son's first quarter at college, especially around the time we took him down to school. I preferred Letting Go because it was more comprehensive, but other parents might prefer When Your Kid...There is a wide array of situations to learn from and to place your own experience in context. The authors provide trend material from their long-term research to help parents distinguish their child's college context from their own. I observed other parents coping with this transition unaided. Some were fine but others were having trouble and personalized the experience. Facts do help mitigate emotions. I recommended this book to one overwhelmed mother whose prodigy had gone far away to pursue her talent. Her response was "Thank you, I'll let you know when I am ready for a book (ital.)" as if this would be cold comfort for her personal loss. But the fact is, the authors know way more than most of our friends and relatives do; and the number of parents going through this experience is very large (check the book for figures). There is a great deal to learn both from the academic analysis and from the many examples of parents' experiences. Well researched, well written, logical and helpful.

LETTING GO give insights and advice while it entertains.

This book is a triumph of the help yourself/help your child genre. Ms Coburn and Ms Treeger write entertainingly and with obvious understanding of the psyches of the college students and the psyches of those left behind: their parents. They emphasize insightful statements with insightful anecdotes. I liked this book so much that I recommended it to a parent of elementary-school-age children. Her response was "This book is important to ALL parents of ANY age child - because the issues of letting go are universal to parenthood and to all ages. I feel like it is helping me right now." Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by the approach of your child's college years - or whether you feel experienced at the college game, I would recommend this book for everything from the "Aha-I recognize THAT situation" syndrome to genuine helpfulness to sheer entertainment. LETTING GO will be helpful to parents, to high school college counselors, and to college faculty and support staff. It is written with a common sense approach and in a literate style. It is a gem of a book.