I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works

by Dale Vicky Atkins, Nancy Hass, Dale Atkins

Book Overview

"Atkins's strength is in suggesting ways to rewire your relationship . . . If your parents drive you up the wall, there's plenty here to help you. And the cost of the book is definitely cheaper than therapy." - The Boston Globe In a recent study, half of all Americans rated their relationship with at least one parent as either "poor" or "terrible," and more than a third felt this way about both parents. As life expectancy continues to rise and the...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0805077944
• ISBN13: 9780805077940
• Release Date: January 2005
• Publisher: Holt McDougal
• Length: 336 Pages
• Weight: 1.02 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.7" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Dr. Atkins Gets It

I recently finished Dr. Dale Atkin's 'Sanity Savers' and found it so helpful I had to see what else she had written. First of all I found that Dr. Atkins is a prolific writer, but after happening upon "I'm OK You're My Parents: How To Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works," I am convinced she is not only a talented professional but a wise woman who understands that true interpersonal intimacy is not only good for one's mental health but physical heath as well. I, once again as after reading "Sanity Savers," came away with a deep appreciation of the depth of her knowledge about how familial relations actually work including all the love, ambivalence, joy, sorrow, anger and remorse that are contained within them. I lent it to a friend who called me to say the book opened her eyes in the same way it did mine. Thank you Dr. Atkins from both of us.

Got Parents? Read This!

For anyone with parents -- living or passed on -- this book is a must read. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry but most of all .. it will make understand that you are not alone.Your issues - good and bad - are not solely yours. Everyone has parental issues and Dr. Atkins shows us how to live and loveour way through them! Not riddled with psychological mumbo jumbo Dr. Atkins speaks to the heart of the matter. From beinga child with parents to an adult parenting your parents, I'm OK guides you through survival! Beautifully written and the type of book that you refer back to often throughout your daily life.

I'm One of Those Parents, and I want to be OK too!

I predict this book will become one of the classic self-help best sellers, and it should! Dr. Atkins writes from years of expertise in counseling young (and not-so-young) adults who are looking for ways to improve their relationships with their parents. Not "bad, awful, terrible" parents, but mothers and/or fathers who sometimes intrude, impose, ignore, invade, and/or may be insensitive to (or unaware of!) some of the needs, wishes, interests, and/or opinions of their adult children. The book is filled with a wide range of parent - adult child issues that will ring many familiar bells for probably most of us. Dr. Atkins' approach is articulate, optimistic, and practical, and is fun to read. I was sure she was writing about my own parents in several chapters, and I wish I had had access to these ideas years ago, instead of just rolling my eyes, silently mumbling and grumbling, planning visits carefully, censoring how much of my own life I shared with them. And they were actually pretty darn good parents - we just couldn't communicate about a lot of "stuff" from their generation to mine. After reading Dr. Atkins's book, I ordered a copy for my adult daughter! She's reading it now. Gulp!

Relationships Can Improve!

Despite your adult age, are your parents still driving you crazy? Dr. Atkins' can help! With engaging wit, she shares wisdom mined from years of experience helping people improve their relationships. Dr. Atkins helps us see and claim the power we have to make changes in ourselves that inevitably alter our relationships with parents. Her discussion of family dynamics comes to life through the many stories she shares. Dr. Atkins guides the reader through specific practices that will improve not only one's ability to deal with parents, but other significant relationships as well. If you are serious about improving your relationship with your parents, or with your adult children, this is the book to read.

How adults can learn to relate better with their parent

In the wake of a multitude of books about how our parents have created all of our emotional problems comes this book that points out the fact that blaming someone is not a solution to problems. The focus of the book is to take that next step and find ways that you can move through guilt and anger and create a working relationship with your parents. To this end the book contains lots of examples from Dr. Atkins' actual patient files. It also includes exercises to work through, questionnaires to help you understand yourself and your relationship with your parents, and various lessons to illustrate the principles involved. The first part of the book focuses on you. It includes an examination of ways to take control of your life so your past doesn't control your present, how to deal with guilt and parents who use it to control you, and anger. The next part changes focus to your parents. How did they grow up? What did they go through as they were growing up? What was their life like? The focus is on developing empathy so you can use it to develop forgiveness. One of the most important points of the chapter is realizing that your fantasy parent doesn't exist. Not only do they not exist but also those fantasy perfect parents that your friends seemed to have were not perfect either. Two of the coping techniques covered in this chapter include creating reasonable expectations for yourself and your parents and creating appropriate boundaries.The last section discusses the most common problems when dealing with parents. For example, some of the problems covered include the bait and switch technique, manipulating you with a health crisis, becoming easily offended when you don't share personal details of your life, putting you in the middle of their problems, or using money to manipulate you. If you have a troubled relationship with your parents and are seeking to change, you should consider picking up a copy of "I'm OK, You're My Parents".