If We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion

by Susan Page

Book Overview

Susan Page, a Protestant minister, popular teacher, and bestselling writer on relationships, now turns her hand to a crucial question so many couples face: If we know we love each other, why do we spend so much of our time together arguing, negotiating, or making up? Why, quite simply, aren't we happy? Susan has explored this question while working with and observing countless couples struggling in their relationships. She discovered something revolutionary:...

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0609606964
• ISBN13: 9780609606964
• Release Date: February 2002
• Publisher: Harmony
• Length: 302 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.7" x 8.6"

Customer Reviews

This book is a precious gift disguised as a book

If you are seeking to feel love in your heart but feel blocked because your partner is clueless, uncooperative, self-centered and blames you -- or for any reason "because of him/her" and you suffer because it feels like no matter how hard you try, the patch doesn't hold -- this is the book that teaches, guides and encourages you how to get back to the love, how to create powerful and healing changes, how to feel safe and connected with yourself, how to look at your partner again with loving and how to work with yourself in your own healing and strengthening. And, your partner is not required to read the book, work the suggestions or be molded by you. You reclaim your power and your energy investing in what can truly make a deeply valuable, loving, rich and life-changing difference--you work with you. I've been working these techniques for over 20 years, in marriage, and have been learning about and thriving far beyond I ever thought possible. It didn't take long for small miracles to begin AND they continue to unfold and to grow for both of us. Susan Page has offered a truly generous gift with this book for all people--currently coupled or not.

Great book, Lousy title

I almost didn't read this book because I was so put off by the title. In my opinion a much better title would have been "Spiritual Partnership," since that's what this book is about. My husband and I never went through a "madly-in-love" stage in our relationship; however, after 20+ years of marriage and four kids, we have forged a bond that somehow transcends the long list of unresolvable problems. We had certainly gotten to the point of realizing that more discussion just doesn't work: Most of our issues have been on the table for years. We've discussed them many times, we understand the other person's point of view, and can even empathize to a certain extent. And yet, when one of these issues would come up (once again), I would often feel hopeless and demoralized. This book really helped me to change my focus; and to the extent I was able to follow through with the "experiments," I saw improvement--not in getting my husband to finally see things "my way," but in both of us being happier and more comfortable. This is one of the best books on relationships that I have ever read; and although its focus is on couples, I found the approaches it recommends are helpful in my relationships with my children as well.

Why isn't it more known?

Excellent, excellent book. I have read many books on relationships, and most stress the importance of communication, but in my experience there is such a thing as communicating too much. Sometimes the mind itself creates problems, and talking about those problems only strengthen them and make them more real when often times the "problem" is based on a faulty way of perceiving situations. This book approaches relationships in a way that is unlike that of most therapists, counselors and authors, but I feel it is the most spiritual approach. The author does not at all devalue communicating and talking, but rather than focusing exclusively on what you should say to your partner and how, she urges you to focus on YOURSELF and suggests non-mainstream ways of handling situations that have everything to do with you and not so much to do with your partner. She stresses actions over words, and points out that if just you and you alone change your actions, reactions, behavior and thougths about your relationship, your partner will respond even if they aren't aware that they are responding-it's the nature of energy, of relationships. In other words you can create very positive change even if you're partner doesn't agree to change beforehand. She also doesn't deny that sometimes it is best to move on, yet points out that often we want to leave a relationship because we don't want to face ourselves. Furthermore, you can use her ideas and suggestions and apply them not only to your love relationship but to all aspects of your life: your relationship with work, money, etc. I would like to think that soon her philosophy will catch on and become mainstream, but I wonder if too many people aren't ready for it yet, as it goes against the grain of much of traditional counseling. I really think she's onto something, as when I was reading the book, what she said felt right in a deep place-a place I can't always access, but a place that is what I strive for, that is already there. At the beginning I was so anxious to skip ahead, since she kept talking about the principles of spiritual partnership without explaining them in depth first, but for anyone who does skip ahead, I would suggest going back to the beginning and not missing any of the book, as every part of it will help you on your way if you decide to follow her advice.

This book changed my life - I really mean it!

I'm the kind of person who reads a lot of relationship books - but THIS is the one that changed my 1 1/2 yr marriage to the absolute best. I love rereading different parts that I've marked all the time. I highly recommend this book if you're basically "unsettled" (can't think of a better word) about your marriage - either really bad or just slightly. I've read books that more or less teach you how to communicate to get what you need & in nutshell - this book teaches you just to LOVE the person & how to do it - & that's how you get what you need in your relatonship. I swear to God - just like the book says in 1 part - that changes happened immediately! After reading the book a few days my husband 1 morning commented on how wonderful things have been lately & how he hoped they'd stay that way. We argued quite a bit up until 2 months ago when I got the book - & things would get cold between us & it made me so sad & depressed - Well - it doesn't happen anymore. I've stopped controlling & expecting certain outcomes in conversations or my husbands actions - I've learned to go with the flow!! & - my biggest thing is that I've learned to accept my husbands fishing ALL the time - I've learned it fills some sort of hole within him & that it has nothing to do with me. When he fishes - I do stuff instead of obsessing over how I married someone who has such an extreme time consuming hobby. He's turned down his friends invitations to go fishing because he wants to be with me he has said - since my attitude changed. He still fishes - but I just suddenly don't mind because of my new perspetive from this book. I could go on & on - this book must be a new idea going on (Surrendered Wife is along these line in some ways) I also think it follows Christian teahings more so than other relationship books because it doesn't focus on communication to get what you want (this book tells you communication is not what it's cracked up to be - & it's so true!!! Otherwise the best communicators would have the best marriages - & they don't necessarily) but to simply LOVE & ACCEPT your mate - but more than that - read it!

A Spiritual Lifesaver

This book has saved me thousands of dollars in therapy. Every time my life and emotions feel out of control, I pick up this book and the answer to my seemingly intractable dilemma is there. One day I read part of this book to my husband and he was more or less nonchalant, I mean he thought it was good and all, but hearing the words out loud through my ears as well as his, made a huge difference to me. I hesitate to use the word magic but it is the only word I can find that fits the way my thinking has changed. My husband doesn't understand why all the tension left - but that's ok.About twenty years ago, I read "Be Here Now" by Ram Das. From that time on, I have read many spiritual books, have tried to apply my spiritual insights to my relationships, and have been somewhat successful. But this book really works, this book has a spiritual approach that is practical and I cannot tell you what a difference this has made for me.