I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One

by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair

Book Overview

The most helpful grief book to read when you're ready to start healing after the loss of a loved one.Discover the transformative power of healing and hope with this top-rated grief book and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1891400274
• ISBN13: 9781891400278
• Release Date: January 2000
• Publisher: Sourcebooks
• Length: 281 Pages
• Weight: 1.04 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.1" x 8.9"

Customer Reviews

I read a good bit and this book was so important in helping me grieve.

My brother was killed instantly in a car crash. I don't remember if I bought this book or if someone gave it to me. It helped me beyond any other help I had in getting through this time, except for my Faith in God. Highly recommend this book to anyone who experienced sudden loss, especially of a sibling or a parent.

Nonsectarian Advice for Grieving from Unexpected Deaths

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the best non-religious book I have read on grieving from an unexpected death. The authors have direct experience with the subject and share their own deep traumas in considerable detail that added to the relevance of the book. They also sought out the stories of people who had experiences with unexpected death that were different from their own so that you would have specific examples that come closer to your own situation. In my case, my Father was 87 when he unexpectedly passed away last September. We all thought that he was good for 100, but he died quietly in his sleep that night. Since then, we've all been in one stage of shell shock or another. I can hardly imagine how much worse it is when the person is younger . . . or is a child or sibling. My heart aches for anyone who has had those experiences. I found the book to be "right on" in describing the issues that my family and I have dealt with. I wish I had known about the book before my Dad died. It would have helped even more then. The book helps in many different ways. First, you get advice on the help you need immediately after the death. Second, you learn about the various ways that you may be affected. Third, you find out how long the effects may last. Mourning in these situations takes much longer than I realized. Fourth, you find out how to help others grieve. Fifth, you find many old beliefs questioned that don't seem to be true. Sixth, you get help with dealing over the long term. In part two, there are stories that relate to different types of sudden losses: a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. The third part deals with practical resources for recovering including self-help, therapy, exercises, organizations and support choices (including books). The appendix includes suggestions for a memorial service, a eulogy, calls that need to be made and things to ask friends to do. In one helpful section of the book, an overwhelmed person can just hand the pages to a friend and point. The friend can take over from there. Even if you don't think you will ever face an unexpected death that is close to you, I suggest you read this book. There's no way to know. When it happens, be sure that you know what to do when you aren't ready to say goodbye to a loved one. I drew a lot of my comfort during the experience from my religious beliefs. If you haven't yet developed that side of your life, I strongly urge you to do so. May God bless you!

Great book on dealing with sudden loss

The death of a loved one is always an emotionally difficult experience. When it comes suddenly and unexpectedly it is even more difficult. In "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" the authors take you through the grieving process as well as learning how to deal with such a tragic loss. The first part of the book deals with issues from how to survive the first few weeks to understanding the emotional and physical aspects of grief to dispelling myths about the grieving process. The second part is mainly the sharing of the stories of various people who have experienced the sudden loss of a loved one. The stories include the loss of a friend, a parent, a child, a partner, and a sibling. This section examines the various related problems that sometimes exist as a result of a loss. For example, losing a partner but having surviving children, dealing with a suicide, and the difficulties of couples surviving the loss of a child are all discussed. The third section discusses some of the pathways that people take through grief. Of particular importance is that is clearly dispels the myth that we all have a particular pathway that we use to move on past a loss. Each one of us is different and we all have our ways of dealing with grief. What may take one person six months to recover from may take another ten years, some may cry, some may not, some may experience forgetfulness, some may not, we are all different. Throughout the book the authors discuss how to be a helpful friend for those who are going through the grieving process. The book finishes with a listing of support and resource contacts. For those dealing with the loss of a loved one, or for those who want to help someone who is, this is a highly recommended read.

This book helped me survive

When I first came across this book, I was hurting so very badly. Mike, my very dearest friend and the man I was in love with had been killed in an accident. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to him. I hurt so bad that I walked in a blind maze. I really didn't want to live on. What I remember the most about this book...wasn't just the story of the loss that was encountered by the authors but their wisdom in helping others see ways to go on with their lifes and not be full of such engulfing sadness. I will always be grateful that this book found me and helped reach such a deeply hurting area in my life. Even though I had worked as a hospice nurse and also survived so many personal deaths of wonderful people who knew me outside of my nursing; I had the hardest time releasing this part of my life and finding ways to go on without a true closure of someone I will always love so dearly. I highly, highly recommend it to all who are faced with a "sudden" death....especially if the death seems to be insurmountable to your living on.

EXCELLENT, well researched, helpful and comforting

This is an excellent book on death, grief and loss. Sooner or later death will touch everyone's life. We may not all react the same but most will experience the stages of loss and grief from denial to acceptance. It can be a long often agonizing and lonely road to recovery. Sadly the impact of loss and death can leave many with a loss of their own will to live.This book does an excellent job of addressing a topic that most people choose not to address until they are directly confronted. I am an author of a children's book on death/loss/grief titled "ANGEL STACEY" and I personally know the impact on the loss of a spouse and raising young children who have lost a parent. This book is for the adult who struggles with their own feelings of loss and often has other family members to consider and to console.Grief has a tendency to creep up in the odd hours of the day and the night and can be overwhelming to those experiencing loss. To have a title, a book that you can reach out and grab at any hour offers comfort. I wish this title had been available sooner as it often was a book that comforted and calmed me most during my own deep dark hours of despair.Written from knowledge and from a place of understanding and guidance is sure to make this book a winner and a timeless treasure for anyone who has known a deep loss. It cannot take the pain and hurt away but it will help in the knowlege that those feelings are normal. Also that others have experienced the same and made it back to a seemingly normal existence. Death changes lives and changes people forever, many will grow and change for the better. I was never so humble and in essence never so pure and so good as I was immediately following the loss of my first husband and later the loss of my oldest daughter. It was only later with the anger and ultimately acceptance that I found myself once again on level ground. Death or loss can uproot your entire existence. This book is excellent and necessary.

Grieving and Coping with loss, guidance for the survivors

Just finished reading "I Wasn't Ready to Say Good Bye", a friend recommended the title to me. My 17-year-old son, Roman died in the prime of life and I didn't have a chance to say good bye. I found the book to be more than a reference, or quick handling of the matter, I identified with similar emotions, the kick in stomach when you are already emptied of air, and the loss of "clean" closure. This book offered perspectives and "normal" responses and actions for each stage of loss. It identifies and provides descriptions for your recognition and insight.I wanted to read every word, I felt we were joined, in a lot of ways, in our losses and I wanted the insight. The book is organized for easy handling and easy reading. You benefit from the experiences of the writers as they each experienced losses in their lives, and due to their losses, I find myself more apt to believe what they are writing about. A lot of practical advise, personal anecdotes, and references / citing to other works make for a full coverage and very helpful work. You may decide to want to explore a certain area more than others, great, they provide references for additional reading.This is a good book for counselors to have available for their own reference and to provide people with loss. When you have a loss of this nature, you will want the information covered in this book. When our son died, he went to be with God. My wife, other son and daughter all know that. We STILL needed to grieve. In the book, it covers the "loss" from various perspectives, I benefited from this section in that it made me more sensitive to how non-family people treated my son and daughter. We all lost Roman, not just his mother and I. Simple inquiries made to our children started isolating them from their own grieving. After reading the book, I focused on correcting and mending areas of communications between my children and "well meaning" people.If you have experienced loss, you need a book that gives you information and is readable at the same time. This book is it.