I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus

Book Overview

A revised and updated edition of the bestselling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder. After more than two decades as the essential guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), this new edition now reflects the most up- to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome,...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0399536213
• ISBN13: 9780399536212
• Release Date: December 2010
• Publisher: Tarcherperigee
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 0.59 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.4" x 8.1"
• Age Range: 18 years and up
• Grade Range: Postsecondary and higher

Customer Reviews

Not good quality

Book listed as “good” but it is covered in nasty stuff and the pages are yellow. I also paid $8.79 for it but on the back of the book it is sold new for $7.99

Comprehensive and Educational

I found it a fun and understandable exploration of the disorder. I have BPD myself, and it helped me identify and give a cause to many behavioral aspects of my conditions. I loved the case studies; they really helped paint a realistic picture of the examples and skills/tools. I highly recommend for those with BPD, supporting a BPD individual, or simply someone wanting to learn about this condition. Also, I very much encourage reading the Appendices at the end of the book. Happy reading!!

Repetitive

I loved this book for the first quarter then I started to notice that they were basically repeating information over and over again to the point where it felt like they were just trying to reach their word count. But it did help me understand how much of a roller coaster it must be to be in the mind of someone with Bpd.

A Must Read for Those Who Love Someone With BPD

This book, though not fully up to date, provides helpful insight into the mind and behaviors of one with BPD. It offers an opportunity and a toolset to for one to use use to understand and show real love to a friend, partner, or family member living with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Perpetuates Stereotypes

This book is terrible. I was only able to get through the first two chapters, and in this time the author described people with BPD as attention seeking and manipulative multiple times. While the book has some useful clinical information, some of it is outdated and overall the author stereotypes BPD people in a dangerous and inappropriate way. It I could give it zero stars I would

Recovery from codependence with a BP

Few books have changed my life. This one has. I highly recommend it for anyone who is: 1. In a relationship with a BP 2. Recovering from a relationship with a BP or 3. Considering a relationship with a BP. I'm a number 2. First and foremost the book will relieve you of a lot of guilt and longing, since you will stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. And if you had a true experience, I'm sure a lot of things went wrong. The book is worth it for the first 50 pages alone. Just by reading those pages you'll have a feel for what your getting into with a BP. The characterizations and lists of traits, with good examples, are accurate and understandable. How has the book changed my life? After 3.5 years with an enthralling, fascinating, brilliant and sexy BP as my girlfriend and ultimately, my fiance, well, I had to call the police on her once too often and she left the state. Now she is asking to come home. The book gave me a clear understanding of how intense my commitment must be, and how much I must sacrifice to try it again. The relationship had left me near-suicidal, depressed, and feeling unworthy of another relationship. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS, NOW I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE. I know much of it is NOT my fault. So I've decided to move on. The book did that.

There's a Name for His Lunacy!

This amazing little book litteraly fell off the shelf at my feet in Borders one night. The title intrigued me, so I took it home. Then it saved my life. I had begun to question not only my husband's sanity, but my own...but, this book gave me a name for it - BPD. This little book validated me. It also gave me coping methods and such a great understanding. I realized that this is an illness and I didn't have to take these behaviors personally. This book is more clinical than Stop Walking On Eggshells, but even the non-medical person should be able to gain great insight and understanding of their partner's (or parent's, or friend's, or co-worker's, etc.) behavior. The authors don't mince words. This is a difficult disorder to deal with and very difficult to live with. This book, even though I bought it, has been a huge gift for me. If the title makes sense to you, then read the book. You won't be sorry!

a great layman's guide for BPD-friends and -family

I found this an extremely helpful and sophisticated basic guide. Many readers seem to feel it is too negative, but for someone who feels perplexed and hopeless about life with a "borderline", it offers the reassurance that what seems like pure craziness on the part of a loved one actually corresponds to defineable complex of traits and behaviors. Loving a borderline can be a very lonely and frustrating experience, and this book offers support, insight and qualified hope in simple language, and without the annoying dumbed-down tone of most self-help books. I admit to having read it around ten years ago, and I will explore other guides recommended by readers. On the other hand, I have noticed that Prozac, Paxil, etc. don't work as an all purpose panacea for everyone with BPD. Paxil may control one symptom (borderline rage) while not alleviating another (depression, sense of worthlessness). Even if this book doesn't help borderlines themselves, I believe it does help their intimates find ways to be more creative and patient supporters and to take conflicts less personally.

This book helped me to understand why I react the way I do.

"I Hate You Don't Leave Me" is God's work in my life. This book has helped me to understand what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is in a way I never understood before. I was feeling feelings and acting in ways I couldn't understand. My life is a constant roller coaster of depression, inner pain and wanting to revenge/retaliate against those people who I love the most and I perceive want to hurt me. I have been in therapy for over seven years. My therapist never told me that I was inflicted with this miserable condition. Now I am able to see myself in a very different light, and it enables me to work on issues I didn't realize I had. Unfortunately, people in the mental health field give Borderlines such a negative connotation that change and growth often times becomes difficult for those of us who are afflicted with this disease. Even though I hold an undergraduate degree in Psychology, "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" explains things to me in ways that I am able to understand. I have ordered copies for many of my friends, so they can gain an understanding of those of us who are cursed with this disease. I can't thank the authors enough for writing this very helpful book.

I would give this book 6 stars if I could. Great book on BPD

I found this book to be very useful in helping me understand the behavior of a woman with whom I was involved. It was recommended to me by my therapist who was treating me for depression because of the traumatic relationship I had with a borderline.Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one. I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.