How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

by David Richo

Book Overview

Most people think of love as a feeling, says David Richo, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present. In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships--one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1570628122
• ISBN13: 9781570628122
• Release Date: June 2002
• Publisher: Shambhala
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 0.91 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.0" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

Unbelievably insightful, powerful, helpful

This book moved me enough to actually write this review, not something I would normally do. I picked this book up in the middle of the night after waking from an anxiety attack about what was happening in my very new "relationship" with a woman whom I had fallen head over heals for, at age 59, and who had just told me she needed space and I needed to deal with some of my issues before we could continue. This book was sitting in her kitchen -- her therapist had recommended she read it -- and I started reading random chapters hoping it would put me back to sleep. Hours later, I realized I had to buy this book because it resonated so clearly and deeply with me. I have read John Kabat-Zinn's books about mindfulness, and have made periodic, albeit less than whole-hearted attempts at meditating and other forms of mindfulness, but this book put it in a context which had immediacy and urgency to me. It literally helped snap me out of the "ether". Part of its appeal/resonance is its broad inclusions of different forms of pyschological practices mixed with spiritual insights and a lot of sound personal observation of us mortal human beings. After numerous years of therapy and self-help/self-therapy, this book made me take ACTION to genuinely change, and it has helped me see how/where I need to change, and given me the assurance and comfort to believe that we can indeed change ourselves (though people under 30 might not be able to appreciate this as much until they've had more life experiences to be able to discern the patterns of their life). I have mentioned this book to everyone I know who might be interested, including a few former therapists/counselors. I'm sure I'll be keeping this book close by for a long time.

Not for the average reader

I bought two books by this author: How to be an adult, and How to be an adult in relationships. Both are excellent. Even though their titles begin with How to... these are not self-help books. In this book, the author discusses what love is: giving attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing - the five A's as he calls it. The language used is beautiful, the way the author thinks is inspiring, and you can just feel that he himself is a loving person. No ego-based, "let me tell you how amazing I am" paragraphs here. The book is valuable as a piece of literature, as a philosophical and psychological work. I reread and contemplated many pages. The bottom line is this: if you are looking for a quick-fix, feel good book - skip this one. If you are prepared to do the work, if you are not afraid of realization that learning how to love is a life-long process, and are not scared of (as another reviewer put it) big words, this is the book that is worth reading - again and again.

A gentle "in your face" kind of truth...

I bought this book in the midst of confusion as to wether I was going to get married or break off a relationship with a particular person. I am a psychologist and a lover, and an avid reader of self-help and vampire booksA long time ago a friend of mine said to me "BE TRUE TO YOURSELF". Mr. Richo does just that. Feelings of validity and recognition of personal pain flow from this book as you read it and it becomes part of you. This book helped me to make so many decisions and also helped me to gain a lot more self-esteem by making me realize what was happening right in front of my eyes. I tabbed, underlined, highlighted and starred so many pages, I had friends read shapters to help them with their relationships, and it is amazing the kind of feedback this book gets. Do yourself a favor and check this one out. Pick the parts that you need to read first, and you will gain all that you know withought ever having to read through an introduction or a foward first. The table of contents is thorough and all of your issues are right in front of you. An amazing tool, a great gift, a life-long partner, a second bible.