How Alcoholics Anonymous Failed Me: My Personal Journey to Sobriety Through Self-Empowerment

by Marianne W. Gilliam

Book Overview

If Alcoholics Anonymous is so effective, why do fourteen million Americans struggle with alcoholism? Why does the rate of relapse among AA members hover around 70 percent? Can it be that the original... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0688155871
• ISBN13: 9780688155872
• Release Date: August 1998
• Publisher: William Morrow & Company
• Length: 279 Pages
• Weight: 1.35 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 6.5" x 9.6"

Customer Reviews

it opened my eyes to the simplest truths

The chapter titled "Healing My Pain" has been the strongest positive influence in my life. Like the author, I had grown up seeing others have what I wanted, what I couldn't get, and associating this with personal shame and unworthiness. The chapter helped me to finally understand that I could not prove my worth by doing things because others wanted me to do them. I could become special to myself, if nobody else. Page 203, "All my life I had wanted to feel worthy of love no matter what I said, did, looked like or felt like." Throughout the book the author advises the reader to respond to intuition, to work with ideas that resonate with them. She allows the reader to disagree, which is helpful to increase understanding in the reader's own life. The title shocked me initially, but I was attracted to the book because AA's program is so negative. I finally left AA after a meeting when an 18-year member admitted that he still didn't like himself. I knew then I wasn't in the right place. I had already quit drinking on my own (coincidentally on the day of my divorce - how about that??) and tried AA because of their promises of a new and better way of living. Too bad I didn't take the time to seek out more helpful options, too bad that they are not as publicized as AA.

When all is said and done its an inside job.

This book is not nearly as negative as its title suggests. AA is recieving much harsher criticism elsewhere for its coercive use by the courts and other institutions private and public and for its own cult-like stance as being the beyond criticism. You won't get mixed messages from Gilliam's book however. She is only mildly critical of AA and the 12-steps and suggests using bits and pieces of whatever works for YOU. From someone who has been to many AA/NA meetings, treatment programs and read dozens of self-help books, this is one of the few sources that really made me feel good about myself and offered some hope. If you feel that low self-esteem, guilt and shame may be a part of your addiction and that AA only seems to exacerbate it then this book may be for you too.

Empowerment versus powerlessness

I found this book to be very empowering. As the author points out, sobriety is not a "one size fits all" process. We need options and positive solutions, not continuous confirmation that we are defects full of character flaws. (We know that all to well). What if we all made a 'searching and fearless inventory of ourselves' and then wrote a list of our character ASSETS, and then read THAT aloud to another person? This book awakened me to the true power within. Each of us has it, and yet few of us know how to access it. The author has written a positive approach which began my journey to empowering myself, and put me on the path to real and lasting healing.

Marianne Gilliam maps a new, personal path out of alcoholism

Marianne Gilliam is not a scientist or a traditional alcoholic. Yet she did nearly ruin her life through substance abuse. But when she was offered AA as the only way out, she floundered more. Somehow, the AA message of powerlessness and self-restriction only contributed to the malaise which got her into trouble in the first place.Instead, this vibrant human being reconstituted herself according to principles she developed for herself. The insights into the process of self-initiated recovery and resulting self-discovery are passionate and inspiring for all people who may not find the current Rx's for alcoholism and drug addiction to their liking.

An alternative path to recovery

Despite the title, this is not one of your typical "AA-bashing" books. What we have instead, is one woman's personal story of multiple addictions - food (bulimia), cocaine, and alcohol - and recovery. When she encountered difficulties with the 12-step programs (AA, NA, OA) she struck out on her own path to sobriety. Mrs. Gilliam does point out problems with 12-step programs and discusses them clearly and rationally. For her, the programs are fear-based (fear of drinking/using again, fear of this "cunning, baffling disease", fear of not working the steps properly) rather than love-based. Not surprisingly, she likens 12-step programs to Christianity and the parent-child relationship - looking for something (someone or some power) outside ourselves for help and guidance, rather than looking within. This is also evident in the sponsor-sponsoree relationship where the sponsoree is always in a subservient position, never reaching equality with one's sponsor. Instead of dealing with her emotions and cravings, her sponsor dealt her orders and slogans - go to more meetings, do a fourth step, "Let Go and Let God". She also realized that when taking a "moral inventory", the only items on that inventory had to be shortcomings, character flaws, and moral defects - no room for any positives. It all added up to a program that left her fearful, dominated by others, powerless, and seeking outside validation. When 12-step meetings stopped working for her, Mrs. Gilliam embarked on her own program for self- empowerment through meditation, inner spirituality, responsibility for oneself, and love. It seems to have worked for her, and she is smart enough to point out this fact, not claiming it's the only way or that everyone should do exactly as she has. Parts of this book are a bit too "new-Age-ish" for this 50+ male, with numerous quotes and references to Shakti Gawain and Deepak Chopra, but nicely balanced with others by Charlotte Kasl and Stanton Peele. I'm sure that women would get even more out of this book than I did. One parting thought that has stuck with me - Mrs. Gilliam refers to herself now as "recovered", rather than "in recovery" (with its' implied lifelong meetings and steps). I like the term and may start considering myself recovered from now on.